Could I get some tips!!!!

[xxmeelonxx]

Hello

I'm a new author and have created a first person short story on the transition to university or college, The book is on amazon and is called My Transition to University: Based on True events.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B...=1&*entries*=0

[HarryT]

You'll get a lot more feedback if you give us a link to your book. Don't expect people to search for it.

[HarryT]

You asked for some tips, so...

I'm sorry, but this is just absolutely awful. Let's look at the first few lines of it, shall we?

There was me, excited to start my first day at university

So far, so good. One reasonably grammatically-correct sentence, although the purist would say that you should use "There was I", rather than "There was me".

Excelled with the prospects of living by myself

You can't use the verb "Excelled" in this context; it doesn't make any sense.

...
I was originally lucky to get into uni, I required 3 A's where as I only got 3 C's

Two errors here:

1. "I required" is a run-on sentence. You need a full stop, or at least a semi-colon, after the word "uni".
2. Should be "whereas", not "where as".

My parents always expected me to go into the promise land of university...

Should be "promised", not "promise".

but for me nor a passion or a dream

Should be "neither a passion nor a dream"

but just a boy fulfilling his parents dream

Should be "parents' dream", with an apostrophe.

Grammar, punctuation and spelling are a writer's basic toolbox. I'm afraid this is an abject failure on all three counts. If your language skills are as poor as this example suggests, I would strongly urge you to get your work proof-read by someone a little more knowledgeable in these areas. Nobody is going to read this as it stands.

[Dr. Drib]

You need to provide a link to your ebook or your thread will be deleted. You must put the link in the first post.

You also need to read our Posting Guidelines for self-promotion.


Don
(Moderator)

[xxmeelonxx]

fair enough, i do understand the grammer not being that good. It was more of quick project that an actual book.

[HarryT]

You should ask in the "Writers' Corner" forum for tips on how to improve your writing. You may post a short sample of your work there, but self-promotion is not permitted in that forum.