Bad writing or is MY brain scrambled?

rcentros · 09-04-2023, 07:03 AM

I decided to read one of my Kindle books I "bought" a few months ago (free with Amazon Prime) because it looked interesting. But the author has a habit of using past tense for what's happening in the present. Is the following bad writing, or is my brain just scrambled? I'm really having trouble focusing on the story because this keeps pulling me out of it.

Here's a short passage... (near the beginning of Chapter One - my "corrections" in parentheses.)

Quote:

“Kathy. Hi, Moira.” Sarah kept (keeps) her voice low, not wanting to wake her father, whose hospital bed was (is) in the dining room.

(Small Correction: This free book came from Barnes & Noble. I used it when testing the Windows 10 solution for liberating Nook eBooks. I ran into again when testing my Windows 10 virtual machine on Mac. Apparently it's also free on Amazon (first in a series).)

(Small correction: the book came from Barnes & Noble, I had downloaded it when I first tested the Windows 10 way to liberate Nook books. I ran into again when I was testing this when using the Nook in a Windows 10 virtual machine under Mac OS. That said, the book is available free on Amazon as well.)

“Hi, Aunt Tharah,” Moira lisped (lisps). “I lotht my two front teeth, thee?” The little girl stuck (sticks) her tongue out through the gap where the teeth had been.

Sarah smiled (smiles). “I see that.”

Eliza took (takes) Sarah’s purse and coat. Catching her hand, she urged (urges) Sarah toward the dining room. “You need to prepare yourself before he wakes up. It’ll be easier for you both that way.”

From the couch came (comes) a quiet snort. “The rest of us have been preparing for this for months, Mama. Sure must be nice not to have had to worry about cleaning up messes and keeping vigil over a sickbed. But I guess I ain’t thinking straight. School’s more important than family, I hear.”

“Kathleen, that’s enough,” Eliza said (says). “I warned you about taking an attitude.”

With a seething glare in Sarah’s direction, Kathy stood (stands). Sarah saw (sees) that her sister was (is) pregnant again, several months gone. “I need some air. Moira, stay right here.”

“Yeth, Mommy,” Moira said (says), seemingly oblivious to the undercurrents in the room.

I don't think I'm going to be able read this book because of this. This author is (apparently) fairly well known. Is this kind of writing common now?

John F · 09-04-2023, 07:42 AM

To me, the past tense looks normal, and what I would expect. Your present tense to me reads more like a play or direction.

I believe past tense is the norm? The book I'm currently reading uses past tense.

Sirtel · 09-04-2023, 08:16 AM

Past tense has always been the norm and present tense a rare exception. Recently there seem to be more authors writing in the present tense, though, which I personally detest.

pdurrant · 09-04-2023, 08:30 AM

Past tense is normal.

Quoth · 09-04-2023, 08:53 AM

Your brian is scumbled. Pease resit.

Tags for dialogue (which itself is almost always present tense) are almost always in past tense. So much so that "He Said, She Said" is a common title*.
Oddly "She Said, He Said" is less common, but I do have https://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Said-He...dp/B07ZG921DS/

A first person POV might use present tense, esp. Romance, though historically most first person POV used past tense, because story telling, even set in the future is recounting what has happened. A first person POV can work well, though often to make it more interesting the "narrator" can be unreliable. OTOH the entire narration and tags/actions outside of dialogue in present tense is very rare and tiring. Contrary to what some might think it doesn't add immersion. A novel isn't a screenplay or stage script.

[* Though do Romance authors search existing titles? Just because you can, it doesn't mean using the same title is a good idea. Or similar ones such as "The <insert occupation or title here>'s Daughter".]

JSWolf · 09-04-2023, 09:08 AM

The past tense reads correctly and the present tense (corrections) reads oddly.

rcentros · 09-04-2023, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John F

To me, the past tense looks normal, and what I would expect. Your present tense to me reads more like a play or direction.

I believe past tense is the norm? The book I'm currently reading uses past tense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirtel

Past tense has always been the norm and present tense a rare exception. Recently there seem to be more authors writing in the present tense, though, which I personally detest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Past tense is normal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quoth

Your brian is scumbled. Pease resit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JSWolf

The past tense reads correctly and the present tense (corrections) reads oddly.

The consensus is unanimous but even now it still looks (and sounds) wrong to me. It seems like a contradiction, the action is happening now, but it's described as happening in the past. I guess my brain is seriously scrambled today. I can probably can blame it on writing short screenplays, where you're always told to use present tense.

Thanks everyone. It's weird that I just noticed this in this one book. I've never had this reaction before.

JSWolf · 09-04-2023, 10:35 AM

Maybe you need more sleep and/or to drink more water.

Sirtel · 09-04-2023, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcentros

I can probably can blame it on writing short screenplays, where you're always told to use present tense.

That's probably the reason.

rcentros · 09-04-2023, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JSWolf

Maybe you need more sleep and/or to drink more water.

More sleep maybe, but I already drink a LOT of water. Maybe too much. That's the only thing I drink since I kicked the caffeine habit.

rcentros · 09-04-2023, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirtel

That's probably the reason.

But I've been writing short screenplays for years (and reading novels for years). I can't figure out why this particular book triggered this response.

I'll get over it. Or at least I'll pretend I do.

Sirtel · 09-04-2023, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcentros

But I've been writing short screenplays for years (and reading novels for years). I can't figure out why this particular book triggered this response.

I'll get over it. Or at least I'll pretend I do.

Perhaps the effect is cumulative.

Or Mercury is in retrograde... or the muses were in a bad mood... or... or...

Brain can do the weirdest things.

Quoth · 09-04-2023, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcentros

I can probably can blame it on writing short screenplays, where you're always told to use present tense.

I'd stick to that excuse. It's a really good one. Actually the length is irrelevant.

Certainly the directions must all be in the present tense. And any soliloquy breaking the 3rd wall would be present tense. A play, TV or movie unfolds in real time, except maybe for a flashback, which is still all in the present tense.

Since you are long off caffeine it must be an "out of cheese error". Send Grommet out for more.

Quoth · 09-04-2023, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirtel

Perhaps the effect is cumulative.

Or Mercury is in retrograde…

Mercury poisoning is cumulative?

rcentros · 09-04-2023, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quoth

I'd stick to that excuse. It's a really good one. Actually the length is irrelevant.

I think that's good advice. Thanks.

09-04-2023, 08:53 AM	#5
Quoth Still reading Posts: 15,004 Karma: 111111255 Join Date: Jun 2017 Location: Ireland Device: All 4 Kinds: epub eink, Kindle, android eink, NxtPaper	Your brian is scumbled. Pease resit. Tags for dialogue (which itself is almost always present tense) are almost always in past tense. So much so that "He Said, She Said" is a common title. Oddly "She Said, He Said" is less common, but I do have https://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Said-He...dp/B07ZG921DS/ A first person POV might use present tense, esp. Romance, though historically most first person POV used past tense, because story telling, even set in the future is recounting what has happened. A first person POV can work well, though often to make it more interesting the "narrator" can be unreliable. OTOH the entire narration and tags/actions outside of dialogue in present tense is very rare and tiring. Contrary to what some might think it doesn't add immersion. A novel isn't a screenplay or stage script. [ Though do Romance authors search existing titles? Just because you can, it doesn't mean using the same title is a good idea. Or similar ones such as "The <insert occupation or title here>'s Daughter".] Last edited by Quoth; 09-04-2023 at 09:09 AM.

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09-04-2023, 07:42 AM	#2
John F Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,006 Karma: 71261339 Join Date: Feb 2009 Device: Kobo Clara 2E	To me, the past tense looks normal, and what I would expect. Your present tense to me reads more like a play or direction. I believe past tense is the norm? The book I'm currently reading uses past tense.

09-04-2023, 08:16 AM	#3
Sirtel Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,998 Karma: 243829945 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Estonia Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2	Past tense has always been the norm and present tense a rare exception. Recently there seem to be more authors writing in the present tense, though, which I personally detest.

09-04-2023, 08:30 AM	#4
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,450 Karma: 318076944 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Past tense is normal.

09-04-2023, 09:08 AM	#6
JSWolf Resident Curmudgeon Posts: 80,784 Karma: 150249619 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Roslindale, Massachusetts Device: Kobo Libra 2, Kobo Aura H2O, PRS-650, PRS-T1, nook STR, PW3	The past tense reads correctly and the present tense (corrections) reads oddly.

09-04-2023, 10:35 AM	#8
JSWolf Resident Curmudgeon Posts: 80,784 Karma: 150249619 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Roslindale, Massachusetts Device: Kobo Libra 2, Kobo Aura H2O, PRS-650, PRS-T1, nook STR, PW3	Maybe you need more sleep and/or to drink more water.