![]() |
#181 |
Bookmaker & Cat Slave
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,503
Karma: 158448243
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Device: K2, iPad, KFire, PPW, Voyage, NookColor. 2 Droid, Oasis, Boox Note2
|
|
![]() |
![]() |
#182 |
Bookmaker & Cat Slave
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,503
Karma: 158448243
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Device: K2, iPad, KFire, PPW, Voyage, NookColor. 2 Droid, Oasis, Boox Note2
|
About the Monk/opening thing...
Gregg:
To be fair, this comment is not really related to the cover, so feel free to ignore it, if you wish. I know what you meant, in a way, about the Buddhist Monk thing, and the other internal comment that your character had that was somewhat unusual or outrageous. We are supposed to intrinsically "know" that these are outrageous, funny things...but we don't. Why? Because we don't know you as an author yet. If I open a book from Spider Robinson, or Carl Hiaasen, those statements (thoughts) made by your character wouldn't make me blink. I'd take them in my stride, and I'd know that it's intended to be humor, or something outrageously silly or hyperbole (by the character). BUT...we don't know you. (I mean, "we" as new-to-you prospective readers.) We don't know this is humor. Thus, what happens is these statements yank us out of the flow. A criminal offense, in writing, as you know. We're reading this very violent fight scene, and then, these bizarre statements are dropped in...and it shakes us from the suspension of disbelief. BAD. So, I think that in your new introductory scene, you need to ease into the humor, so that by the time your readers are at the end of that, and headed for the fight scene, they're primed for the dark humor, and Laine's Mary Sue superpowers/skills. I don't know if this helps, but...I hope it might. Oh, and howza 'bout PEP? Protecting Earth's Pets???? The members could be Peppers? Hitch |
![]() |
![]() |
#183 | |
Gregg Bell
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,266
Karma: 3917598
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
|
Quote:
![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#184 | |
Grand Sorcerer
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 7,407
Karma: 52613881
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Kindle Fire, Kindle Paperwhite, AGPTek Bluetooth Clip
|
Quote:
Already I'm wondering just what they do with the dogs they're saving from the villain. And you think down the line they may want to save a moose? |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#185 | |
Bookmaker & Cat Slave
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,503
Karma: 158448243
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Device: K2, iPad, KFire, PPW, Voyage, NookColor. 2 Droid, Oasis, Boox Note2
|
Quote:
Heck, the Peppers could come up with a "sister" agency. It could be a subplot for one of Gregg's novels. {shrug}. Hitch |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#186 | |
Grand Sorcerer
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 7,407
Karma: 52613881
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Kindle Fire, Kindle Paperwhite, AGPTek Bluetooth Clip
|
Quote:
It seems to me that an author should have an idea of what his fictional group is supposed to do, beyond killing men. Even if the purpose and details are not specifically mentioned in the book, they would ground the book in some kind of reality. It's like an actor creating a backstory for a character to flesh out a performance. The reader might not need to know every detail, but I think the author should. I think the author should know exactly what the group does, and not just be winging it. |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#187 | |
Bookmaker & Cat Slave
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 11,503
Karma: 158448243
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Device: K2, iPad, KFire, PPW, Voyage, NookColor. 2 Droid, Oasis, Boox Note2
|
Quote:
Hitch |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#188 | |
Just a Yellow Smiley.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 19,161
Karma: 83862859
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Texas
Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy
|
Quote:
*Dustin Hoffman won 3 awards including an Oscar for that movie. |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#189 |
Gregg Bell
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,266
Karma: 3917598
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
|
Yeah, and the method guys can overdo it. Spend ten years living with cannibals to get it all right. I hear you guys about integrity and all but there's limits too.
|
![]() |
![]() |
#190 |
Gregg Bell
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,266
Karma: 3917598
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
Device: Kindle Touch 7, Sony PRS300, Fire HD8 Tablet
|
All right. Time for a sincere apology. I haven't read this Animal Rescue book of mine in a long time. I just read the first scene again today. (Even though I gave the first scene to you guys I didn't read it because I thought I knew it so well.) Now I see what you have all been telling me about there being no humor or anything cartoonish about it. My absolute bad. I'm sorry. I've been fighting you guys and you've been right all along. I'll be more careful from now on. And I do so appreciate your help! Thanks!
P.S. I rewrote the first scene and will probably rewrite the whole book. |
![]() |
![]() |
#191 | |
Just a Yellow Smiley.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 19,161
Karma: 83862859
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Texas
Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy
|
Quote:
Last edited by Cinisajoy; 01-20-2018 at 12:02 AM. |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#192 |
C L J
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,911
Karma: 21115458
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Birmingham UK
Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2
|
If the chapter you uploaded was intended as a final draft, I would suggest you get an editor.
For example, it would be better starting at the passage beginning: “Hit it, Wanda!” which ends: “It is, Lainey. It is.” after which you could insert an (altered version) of the fight scene. Textually, there's a major fault in that passage: "Was this day was never going to end?" and there could be many others in the entire chapter. I stopped reading after the second section. I hate to say, but I would also stop reading if I was checking the "Look Inside" on Amazon. Everything seems so superficial, without real motive. Just what is Donovan doing to dogs which is so objectionable? Can I be bothered to find out? You haven't stirred my curiosity. As to comments about ARF, it's not animal specific: Animal Rescue Feminists could refer to any species. And the "seem to" has to go. This sounds like one of those dramas where someone wakes up in bed with a corpse and can't remember the night before. It creates doubt about whether she's actually killing. UPDATE: posted this before reading Gregg's post #191 Last edited by BookCat; 01-20-2018 at 03:53 PM. |
![]() |
![]() |
#193 |
C L J
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 2,911
Karma: 21115458
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Birmingham UK
Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2
|
Just a note about what happens to the animals. In feral cat rescue, the main line of action is TNR: trap, neuter and return to a safe area with a caretaker who just overlooks their welfare. Other courses are trap, neuter, rehome, which is what I used to do when I lived in an area with a high feral population. Homes came easily to the young ones and some of the older ones, but I did keep a few (I have three ex-ferals now).
I'm not sure what happens to dogs, but I would imagine, like cats, this depends on the nature of the rescue. Large places, like the RSPCA, keep them for a SHORT time, scan them for a micro-chip and return to person if possible, but they'll put them to sleep after a couple of weeks if not claimed, or sooner if they have immediate health/behaviour issues. I gather that your organisation is in the US? How have the dogs become homeless? In the US it is common policy for all feral cats to be put down, unless they're caught by someone like Alley Cat Allies (TNR). Dogs running wild usually have the same fate. It might be worth doing some research about this for your book. Last edited by BookCat; 01-20-2018 at 04:15 PM. |
![]() |
![]() |
#194 | |
Resident Curmudgeon
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 79,188
Karma: 144286760
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Roslindale, Massachusetts
Device: Kobo Libra 2, Kobo Aura H2O, PRS-650, PRS-T1, nook STR, PW3
|
Quote:
The color and font used for the author name should be changed. As for the falling dogs, they remind me of a Monty Python animation. They don't work for me. Also, unless the net isn't clear, why are we not seeing any of the red through the net? |
|
![]() |
![]() |
#195 | |
Just a Yellow Smiley.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 19,161
Karma: 83862859
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Texas
Device: K4, K5, fire, kobo, galaxy
|
Quote:
She has gotten 6 new cats (1 old, 1 mama, 4 kittens) since August. The old guy and the mama just wandered up. |
|
![]() |
![]() |
|
![]() |
||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
looking for new cover feedback | Gregg Bell | Writers' Corner | 31 | 09-23-2016 11:48 AM |
cover feedback | Gregg Bell | Writers' Corner | 21 | 07-18-2016 11:27 PM |
Cover feedback please? | Gregg Bell | Writers' Corner | 101 | 12-18-2015 09:01 PM |
Cover Feedback | AstoundingBruce | Writers' Corner | 11 | 03-08-2015 12:31 PM |
cover feedback? | Gregg Bell | Writers' Corner | 9 | 11-26-2013 03:52 PM |