The Vent and Rant Thread

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

He doesn't actually have an argument anyway.
Glad you found the power drain. Though I was hoping it was a wiring error, not a husband doing.
Know I am still thinking of you.
I would so like to advise counseling because it seems the two of you are going through a rough patch.

That takes money and we are the most unconventional couple. I'd feel sorry for anyone trying to figure my marriage out! lol

I'm an empath so I don't have the problem of misinterpreted his feelings. I feel them strongly especially when they are blasted at me but I've seen it with other couples. It's good you two talked it out.

If you're SIL hasn't accepted you yet chances are slim that will ever change. I wouldn't let it bother me.

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

Thanks God I'm neither married nor somehow differently chained.

Stay that way. Seriously I tell people who think they need someone to realize what they are giving up. Cherish your independence.

Sent from my Nexus 7

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

But Kat that would mean I was right and he was in the wrong. It's a marriage thing. It means he could no longer bicker at me for running the a/c when he runs the heat. If he accepts he is the culprit then he no longer has an argument against me when I run the a/c.

WTF... if there's one person who's hard to convince, then it's me. I've been called stubborn, recalcitrant, an idiot, and a party pooper for stating my reasoning and sticking by it if no good counter-arguments are presented.

I'm the last one to budge when presented with an "because I say so" argument. You'll have a very hard time. I'm also the first one to change my views and even opinions if you can provide me proof that you're right and I'm wrong, or (in case of something based on opinion), your arguments are clearly superior to my own.

If I understand correctly, you're running both a heater and a/c, canceling each other out. Thus a huge drop in power consumption would happen when they're both shut off. As your rates are high, this will save a lot of money.

Taking your situation into account, your husband should see the smart course there. I would consider it spiteful, not wanting to do something even though watertight proof that you should be doing it is right in front of your face.

Originally Posted by Blossom

Stay that way. Seriously I tell people who think they need someone to realize what they are giving up. Cherish your independence.

I've thought so for many years (and even said so on this trhead), but after meeting my current dating partner, I don't know anymore if I was correct in my thinking. Maybe my desired way of living with quite large time spans to myself yields 99 out of 100 women incompatible. (And the same seems to be true for her as well, but the other way around of course.)

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Blossom

That takes money and we are the most unconventional couple. I'd feel sorry for anyone trying to figure my marriage out! lol

I'm an empath so I don't have the problem of misinterpreted his feelings. I feel them strongly especially when they are blasted at me but I've seen it with other couples. It's good you two talked it out.

If you're SIL hasn't accepted you yet chances are slim that will ever change. I wouldn't let it bother me.

Stay that way. Seriously I tell people who think they need someone to realize what they are giving up. Cherish your independence.

Sent from my Nexus 7

I accepted that one many years back. What hurt was seeing hubby so mad.
Though like I posted I think there were other factors too on hubby not seeing his sister. (Like she only came around when she needed something. )

Oh and if you ever do want to talk, I will listen.
Sometimes when you post, I think you are married to my ex-husband. Or they share similar characteristics. Now I will probably not have any useful advice, but I will listen.

Let me guess:
He is slightly older than you.
He has a better education.


Am I close? If so you married my ex.

My best advice would be to start with why did you get together in the first place.

[Freeshadow]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I've thought so for many years (and even said so on this trhead), but after meeting my current dating partner, I don't know anymore if I was correct in my thinking. Maybe my desired way of living ... yields 99 out of 100 women incompatible. (And the same seems to be true for her as well, but the other way around of course.)

been there, done that, got the t-shirt. But I honestly wish you better luck at that lottery. Really no sarcasm behind. I know that there is a small percentage of people who actually HAD the luck. May you two be among them.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

been there, done that, got the t-shirt. But I honestly wish you better luck at that lottery. Really no sarcasm behind. I know that there is a small percentage of people who actually HAD the luck. May you two be among them.

Thanks. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know yet. I wonder if LAT-relations while living in the same house are actually possible. LOL We'll see. Not there yet.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

Thanks. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know yet. I wonder if LAT-relations while living in the same house are actually possible. LOL We'll see. Not there yet.

My best advice is accept each other and don't try to change the other person.
Also don't go into the relationship thinking it has to be perfect.
Lastly, if you do fall In love, tell each other every day. More than once a day is even better. Just a simple love works.
Never put your partner down.
Most important thing if there is a problem talk about it.

Been married 25 years this time. We should have taken bets. Everyone we knew (friends not family) gave us 6 months tops. We really didn't expect to last. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship. We were both coming from bad marriages though they ended two different ways. (Though that was second marriage for me and not the ex I referred to earlier. )
We were both going through a stage. (Drinking too much, etc.)
Our first act together was to sober up. I figured that he was either going to be the smartest thing or the stupidest thing and I might want to have a clear head before jumping off that cliff.
(Oh hi mom, I met a guy in a bar, he runs a motel so I moved in with him.)
I guess it helped we had no expectations.

Hope this helps someone.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

My best advice is accept each other and don't try to change the other person.
Also don't go into the relationship thinking it has to be perfect.
Lastly, if you do fall In love, tell each other every day. More than once a day is even better. Just a simple love works.
Never put your partner down.
Most important thing if there is a problem talk about it.

I know I don't expect perfection, and I don't try to change people, because I'm not perfect myself by a long shot, and I don't want people trying to change me.

Talking is the most important thing. Demanding anything from me never works, but if you talk to me or just ask, plain and simple, there's a very good chance you'll get what you want; in abundance, most probably.

Fortunately, she doesn't seem to be the demanding type, but unfortunately, she's not the asking type either it seems

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I know I don't expect perfection, and I don't try to change people, because I'm not perfect myself by a long shot, and I don't want people trying to change me.

Talking is the most important thing. Demanding anything from me never works, but if you talk to me or just ask, plain and simple, there's a very good chance you'll get what you want; in abundance, most probably.

Fortunately, she doesn't seem to be the demanding type, but unfortunately, she's not the asking type either it seems

Welcome to the it will probably work out club.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Welcome to the it will probably work out club.

I hope so

[Hemmi]

And this is why I have cats, not a husband.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

My best advice is accept each other and don't try to change the other person.
Also don't go into the relationship thinking it has to be perfect.

Years back I had a fascinating conversation with a woman I knew. She had serious concerns about her current boyfriend.

It was obvious that she wasn't thinking "boyfriend", she was thinking "potential husband and father to the children I want to have", and aspects of his behavior made her doubt he was suitable in that role. Enjoyable boyfriend? Yes. Husband and father? No.

All I could say was "Don't assume you can change him. That's a pernicious myth that has made too many women come to grief. "Oh, he has problems but I can change him!" No. You can't. What you see is what you'll get. Look at what you have now, and ask yourself whether it's what you could deal with for the next 20 or 30 years. If the answer is no, look elsewhere. Couples do change each other, but it's like water eroding a stream bed, and takes years and years."

Fortunately, she already knew she was unlikely to change him, and he wouldn't stop what she didn't like simply because she wanted him to. She'd already figured out he wasn't a good long term prospect, and simply wanted a second opinion as a check on her perceptions.

Having had a life that has sometimes resembled a soap opera, I was somewhat bemused at playing Wise Uncle Dennis to a younger friend, but if I can use things I learned the hard way to spare others grief, I'll happily do it.
______
Dennis

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Years back I had a fascinating conversation with a woman I knew. She had serious concerns about her current boyfriend.

It was obvious that she wasn't thinking "boyfriend", she was thinking "potential husband and father to the children I want to have", and aspects of his behavior made him doubt he was suitable in that role. Enjoyable boyfriend? Yes. Husband and father? No.

All I could say was "Don't assume you can change him. That's a pernicious myth that has made too many women come to grief. "Oh, he has problems but I can change him!" No. You can't. What you see is what you'll get. Look at what you have now, and ask yourself whether it's what you could deal with for the next 20 or 30 years. If the answer is no, look elsewhere. Couples do change each other, but it's like water eroding a stream bed, and takes years and years."

Fortunately, she already knew she was unlikely to change him, and he wouldn't stop what she didn't like simply because she wanted him to. She'd already figured out he wasn't a good long term prospect, and simply wanted a second opinion as a check on her perceptions.

Having had a life that has sometimes resembled a soap opera, I was somewhat bemused at playing Wise Uncle Dennis to a younger friend, but if I can use things I learned the hard way to spare others grief, I'll happily do it.
______
Dennis

Oh we have both changed and given up bad habits, but it was a mutual agreement.
But then, he has been through so many changes at his job, by this point we are hoping to hang on at least 8 more months.
And I have lost count of how many managers he has been through and coworkers is an even bigger number. I would say 100's of coworkers.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

Oh we have both changed and given up bad habits, but it was a mutual agreement.

No doubt, but how long did the process take? While it's possible for a couple early on to agree "You find X annoying on my part. I find Y annoying on your part. How about we each agree to stop doing what the other doesn't like, starting now?" "Deal!", that's not the way it normally occurs.

But then, he has been through so many changes at his job, by this point we are hoping to hang on at least 8 more months.

What's significant about that period?

And I have lost count of how many managers he has been through and coworkers is an even bigger number. I would say 100's of coworkers.

What do he do? That sort of churn is never a good thing.
______
Dennis

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

No doubt, but how long did the process take? While it's possible for a couple early on to agree "You find X annoying on my part. I find Y annoying on your part. How about we each agree to stop doing what the other doesn't like, starting now?" "Deal!", that's not the way it normally occurs.


What's significant about that period?


What do he do? That sort of churn is never a good thing.
______
Dennis

First bad habit to get rid of was drinking and that was the first week. Others took years and just slowly evolved.

Retirement age

And I will pm you the answer to the last one.
Note: he has been with the buildings since 88.

[Blossom]

After all that testing to find out the energy hogs. It got so cold today that we had to turn on one of the baseboards. It's still cold in here. I refuse to turn my on. 68F in here. Brrrrr.

Sent from my XT1528