The Vent and Rant Thread - Page 1400

ProfCrash · 08-16-2012, 10:33 AM

Nope right term. I was thinking it was your sister and spaced on the fact that a spouses sister or brother and their spouse would both be in laws.

poohbear_nc · 08-16-2012, 08:51 PM

Did you know that cats have the power to break up a happy home?

I come home from work and am greeted by:

SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH STELLA! DO SOMETHING! FIX HER!

Me: What has she done, not done, deposited on the carpet, etc.

SHE DIDN'T EAT HER DINNER! SHE'S NEVER WALKED AWAY FROM FOOD BEFORE! IS SHE GOING TO DIE?

Me: She probably has a hair ball she needs to puke up. Nothing serious.

NOTHING SERIOUS? SHE DIDN'T EAT! AT ALL!

Me: She could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO UNCARING? LOOK AT HER! SHE'S GOT TO BE SICK! DO SOMETHING!

Me: Let's all just calm down and watch her for a while.

DON'T LET HER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!

Me: OK.

[a tense dinner is consumed, punctuated with frequent runs into the living room to observe the "patient"] [who is sound asleep]

Time passes ..... Stella is cradled and carried around like a baby.

LOOK AT HER! DOES SHE LOOK SICK TO YOU?

Me: No - she's asleep.

HER EARS FEEL HOT!

Me: She's sleeping on your desk under the desk lamp. Of course her ears are hot.

I CAN'T STAND THIS ANY LONGER - WE NEED TO TAKE HER IN TO SEE THE DOCTOR!

[I go into the kitchen, open the pantry door, and pull out a new bag of cat food - the same brand that Stella refused to eat earlier. I pour the new food into the dispenser. All 3 cats are shrieking at the top of their lungs and dancing on their hind legs. I pour the new (old) food into the bowls - which are emptied in record time.]

I say nothing. I hear nothing. Then ...

WHY DID SHE DO THAT TO ME? DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME ANY MORE? I WAS REALLY WORRIED.

Me: She's a cat.

BUT I WAS WORRIED SICK! WHY DID SHE DO THAT?

Me: She's a cat.

I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL!

Me: Get used to it - she's a cat.

So - for being right - I'm now in the dog house. Stella is miraculously cured and being loved on. The other 2 cats are ignoring us completely.

Sigh .....

Maybe I should bring a puppy home ....

ProfCrash · 08-16-2012, 09:47 PM

LOL great story.

pholy · 08-16-2012, 11:11 PM

Are you feeling lonely there in the dog house, Pooh? Looking for company?

Nate the great · 08-16-2012, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

This is the 'Obon' holiday week... the time when people return to their hometowns and visit the graves of their ancestors. The roads are bumper-to-bumper with cars, turning even the expressways into 25 kilometer-long parking lots... I have this gut feeling the the ancestors really wouldn't be too upset if some people visited next week-end instead... or maybe even the weekend afterwards. They'll wait.

Stitchawl

They're not going anywhere.

desertgrandma · 08-16-2012, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angst

If bars can say no to drunk people,
Why won't McDonalds say no to fat people?

And, pray tell, why should they?

Seriously.........who actually thinks we should govern what people eat?

WT Sharpe · 08-17-2012, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

And, pray tell, why should they?

Seriously.........who actually thinks we should govern what people eat?

Me, dg. And this would be the first law I'd pass:

Quote:

Individuals convicted of pouring gravy over meatloaf will be subject to a fine and/or imprisonment. That's what mustard is for.

Make me Food Czar and I'll straighten this mess out.

desertgrandma · 08-17-2012, 09:25 AM

[rofl:

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Me, dg. And this would be the first law I'd pass:

Make me Food Czar and I'll straighten this mess out.

Thanks for the laugh...........(wait.........you weren't serious, right?)

WT Sharpe · 08-17-2012, 01:25 PM

No, I wasn't serious. Unless you know somebody who could make it happen.

If you'd like to see the food pyramid re-structured to center around pizza, I'm your guy.

dreams · 08-17-2012, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

[snip]

If you'd like to see the food pyramid re-structured to center around pizza, I'm your guy.

Wait, wait! I think you mean a "food pyramid re-structured to center around" _Chocolate_!

ProfCrash · 08-17-2012, 01:57 PM

I thought he meant French fries...

red_phoenix · 08-17-2012, 02:00 PM

Maybe it could be customized to each individual?

HomeInMyShoes · 08-17-2012, 02:16 PM

Ketchup. Everything else is just a mechanism for the delivery of ketchup.

covingtoncat73 · 08-17-2012, 02:25 PM

Maple. Bacon. Long. John. Helpfully procured from Blue Dot Donuts close to my brother's house.

badgoodDeb · 08-17-2012, 03:50 PM

Hmmmmm. I think I'd need the maple changed to white frosting, and the bacon changed to nuts and chocolate bits. Yeah, that'd do it!

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08-16-2012, 10:33 AM	#20986
ProfCrash Tea Enthusiast Posts: 8,554 Karma: 75384937 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Somewhere in the USA Device: Kindle1, Kindle DX Graphite, K3 3G, IPad 3, PW2	Nope right term. I was thinking it was your sister and spaced on the fact that a spouses sister or brother and their spouse would both be in laws.

08-16-2012, 08:51 PM	#20987
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,829 Karma: 136440589 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Did you know that cats have the power to break up a happy home? I come home from work and am greeted by: SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH STELLA! DO SOMETHING! FIX HER! Me: What has she done, not done, deposited on the carpet, etc. SHE DIDN'T EAT HER DINNER! SHE'S NEVER WALKED AWAY FROM FOOD BEFORE! IS SHE GOING TO DIE? Me: She probably has a hair ball she needs to puke up. Nothing serious. NOTHING SERIOUS? SHE DIDN'T EAT! AT ALL! Me: She could stand to lose a couple of pounds. HOW CAN YOU BE SO UNCARING? LOOK AT HER! SHE'S GOT TO BE SICK! DO SOMETHING! Me: Let's all just calm down and watch her for a while. DON'T LET HER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT! Me: OK. [a tense dinner is consumed, punctuated with frequent runs into the living room to observe the "patient"] [who is sound asleep] Time passes ..... Stella is cradled and carried around like a baby. LOOK AT HER! DOES SHE LOOK SICK TO YOU? Me: No - she's asleep. HER EARS FEEL HOT! Me: She's sleeping on your desk under the desk lamp. Of course her ears are hot. I CAN'T STAND THIS ANY LONGER - WE NEED TO TAKE HER IN TO SEE THE DOCTOR! [I go into the kitchen, open the pantry door, and pull out a new bag of cat food - the same brand that Stella refused to eat earlier. I pour the new food into the dispenser. All 3 cats are shrieking at the top of their lungs and dancing on their hind legs. I pour the new (old) food into the bowls - which are emptied in record time.] I say nothing. I hear nothing. Then ... WHY DID SHE DO THAT TO ME? DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME ANY MORE? I WAS REALLY WORRIED. Me: She's a cat. BUT I WAS WORRIED SICK! WHY DID SHE DO THAT? Me: She's a cat. I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL! Me: Get used to it - she's a cat. So - for being right - I'm now in the dog house. Stella is miraculously cured and being loved on. The other 2 cats are ignoring us completely. Sigh ..... Maybe I should bring a puppy home ....

08-16-2012, 09:47 PM	#20988
ProfCrash Tea Enthusiast Posts: 8,554 Karma: 75384937 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Somewhere in the USA Device: Kindle1, Kindle DX Graphite, K3 3G, IPad 3, PW2	LOL great story.

08-16-2012, 11:11 PM	#20989
pholy Booklegger Posts: 1,801 Karma: 7999816 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada Device: BeBook(1 & 2010), PEZ, PRS-505, Kobo BT, PRS-T1, Playbook, Kobo Touch	Are you feeling lonely there in the dog house, Pooh? Looking for company?

08-17-2012, 01:25 PM	#20994
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	No, I wasn't serious. Unless you know somebody who could make it happen. If you'd like to see the food pyramid re-structured to center around pizza, I'm your guy.

08-17-2012, 01:57 PM	#20996
ProfCrash Tea Enthusiast Posts: 8,554 Karma: 75384937 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Somewhere in the USA Device: Kindle1, Kindle DX Graphite, K3 3G, IPad 3, PW2	I thought he meant French fries...

08-17-2012, 02:00 PM	#20997
red_phoenix Grand Sorcerer Posts: 18,417 Karma: 445850508 Join Date: Dec 2011 Device: Sony PRS-T1	Maybe it could be customized to each individual?

08-17-2012, 02:16 PM	#20998
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	Ketchup. Everything else is just a mechanism for the delivery of ketchup.

08-17-2012, 02:25 PM	#20999
covingtoncat73 Wizard Posts: 2,745 Karma: 83407757 Join Date: Mar 2011 Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Lenovo Duet Chromebook, Moto e	Maple. Bacon. Long. John. Helpfully procured from Blue Dot Donuts close to my brother's house.

08-17-2012, 03:50 PM	#21000
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,603 Karma: 64615205 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Hmmmmm. I think I'd need the maple changed to white frosting, and the bacon changed to nuts and chocolate bits. Yeah, that'd do it!