50 Shades of Grey sex classes

[ATDrake]

Originally Posted by teh603

It isn't so much as the submissive calling the shots, as the submissive is supposed to let the top know IMMEDIATELY if something goes wrong.

Well, as long as they eventually get the idea that everything's really supposed to be done for the submissive's pleasure, within their comfort zone, rather than whatever power-tripping they think is going on in the dominant's mind, which sadly seems to be what a lot of people think is the ultimate point of BDSM.

Originally Posted by teh603

You think that's bad, you should try reading female-dominant "Femdom" erotica. Its full of worthless men, women who love to abuse (but not actually love) them, cuckolding tropes, forced gender transitions and in a few cases actual forced sex changes, and stuff that you can't possibly base a healthy relationship on.

Hover over some of the free porn that gets into the KDP Select slushpile via the eReaderIQ listings to see the blurbs sometimes. It's mostly about humiliating and degrading unconsenting women who magically learn that they just lo-o-ove to be humiliated and degraded and that being kidnapped, roofied, and assaulted by multiple strangers out for self-gratification by treating women as sex-aid objects is the bestest experience of their lives, which they'll now spend as scantily-clad "slaves" to their always-male "master". Also very unhealthy.

Robert A. Heinlein was right: "Sex should be friendly. Otherwise, stick to mechanical utensils: it's more hygienic."

Originally Posted by Piper_

JFTR, In FS, she had a safeword, and they spent much time going over the contract, and the need to be SSC.

That's good to hear, although IIRC I also read about how after whatever the initial setup, the characters kind of ignored those precautions and promptly went into non-SSC territory.

[plib]

Originally Posted by crich70

Do I even want to know why a Chihuahua was in attendance? lol.

A new genre? Chihuahuadom? Safeword = "Woof!"

[rkomar]

Originally Posted by plib

A new genre? Chihuahuadom? Safeword = "Woof!"

I doubt that any of them can pronounce it. "Yipe!" works better.

I don't even understand how that series is a best-seller. Most fanfic I've read is far superior to it - and I don't even like fanfic!

[crich70]

Originally Posted by rkomar

I doubt that any of them can pronounce it. "Yipe!" works better.

Things have really gone to the dogs eh. lol.

[Barty]

<<On a recent Friday, a hundred or so women, four men, and one Chihuahua crowded into the SoHo store for a class inspired by the books>>

100 women and four men? I like those odds!

Maybe I should start reading this stuff

[elemenoP]

Actually I find the ratio of women to men more puzzling than the chihuahua. In the book, the woman is the sub, right? So you have 90 or so would-be subs, taking the class without their partners there? And then what, they go home and tell their partners what to do? Isn't that... not very submissive?

eP

[applesauce]

within bdsm 99% of women are those who want to be somebodies prized pampered possession. They drool over bodice rippers and want to be adored. They go to bdsm to find this. The problem is 99% of men into bdsm live in the mothers basement and flip burgers for a living. They are as dominant as a doormat and just want somebody to call them sir in order to get hard.
Shades books are just going to bring more pathetic desperate people looking to be looked after or respected rather that anything that is real bdsm

applesauce

[morantis]

I think that it is all created by the fact that media and anything a person wants can be found these days within seconds.

[Piper_]

Originally Posted by ATDrake

Well, as long as they eventually get the idea that everything's really supposed to be done for the submissive's pleasure, within their comfort zone, rather than whatever power-tripping they think is going on in the dominant's mind, which sadly seems to be what a lot of people think is the ultimate point of BDSM.

Hmm, I'd prolly re-word that as "for the Dom's pleasure, within the sub's comfort zone," but as you say:

Originally Posted by ATDrake

Hover over some of the free porn that gets into the KDP Select slushpile via the eReaderIQ listings to see the blurbs sometimes. It's mostly about humiliating and degrading unconsenting women who magically learn that they just lo-o-ove to be humiliated and degraded and that being kidnapped, roofied, and assaulted by multiple strangers out for self-gratification by treating women as sex-aid objects is the bestest experience of their lives, which they'll now spend as scantily-clad "slaves" to their always-male "master". Also very unhealthy.

So true. I think it's why I suffered through the bad writing in FSoG. lol It's just so hard to find D/s (or *gasp* DD) books that don't have the bolded parts.

And it isn't just the self-pubbed stuff. Anne Rice and some other popular authors take it way, way too far out of my comfort zone.

Originally Posted by ATDrake

That's good to hear, although IIRC I also read about how after whatever the initial setup, the characters kind of ignored those precautions and promptly went into non-SSC territory.

Well, they tore up the contract, but that was because she wanted a non-D/s relationship, and he said OK.

Spoiler:

(She had asked him to show her the worst it could ever be, and didn't safeword when it got to be too much, and she thought he was too cruel.)

So he went vanilla with her, until she missed it and asked him to re-open The Room, and then he only said OK after she went through and told him what he could and couldn't use on her, and he got rid of them.

From there, it was just stuff she loved, he still emphasized that she should use a safeword, and she happily agreed he could discipline her, but with spanking - by hand only, IIRC.

Aside from the bad technical writing, my only problem was the guy's mommy issues (insulting to good Doms) and promoting the idea that a girl can change a guy (a dangerous message to less mature readers.)

[ATDrake]

Originally Posted by Piper_

So true. I think it's why I suffered through the bad writing in FSoG. lol It's just so hard to find D/s (or *gasp* DD) books that don't have the bolded parts.

Well, since it is going mainstream, maybe it'll be easier to find stuff now. Samhain Publishing has put together a list of their recommended "post-50 Shades" BDSM reads and of the authors on that list, they've got an in-store freebie by Maya Banks and Melissa Schroeder offers some free short stories tying into her series via Smashwords. If it turns out you like their stuff, Samhain is DRM-free MultiFormat when direct-buying and they offer a regular 30% off weekly new releases and pre-orders, and sometimes extra 30% off holiday coupons which stack on top.

Harlequin's Carina Press imprint also gets the things which are currently too racy for their main lines (although some of their spicier stuff is probably rapidly heading there). It might be worth checking their site from time to time for special offers and discounts. Last month they had a 99 cent pre-order sale on an f/m BDSM erotic romance.

And of course there's plenty of stuff (of varying quality and treatment of the people involved) over at Fictionwise, where all the books (minus Samhain stuff) can get really cheap with the weekend coupons. Some of the dedicated erotic romance imprints with reasonably good established reputations like Amber Quill, Loose ID, and Total-e-bound might have things to your taste, and Total-e-bound offers a lot of freebie short stories by their authors to try before you buy on their website.

(ETA: almost forgot, which is surprising since I post two of these things every week to the Deals forum, but Ellora's Cave, who reprint Roberta Gellis, also offer a bunch of rotating free full-length free reads, which often involve BDSM themes, and have a permafreebie short story collection on their site as well. Although it probably helps a lot if you're into paranormal romance at the same time, as there's a lot of crossover in those directions for the weekly offerings.)

Originally Posted by Piper_

Aside from the bad technical writing, my only problem was the guy's mommy issues (insulting to good Doms) and promoting the idea that a girl can change a guy (a dangerous message to less mature readers.)

Here's an interesting blogpost I came across via a bad sex writing sporking community which analyzes the problematic non-BDSM parts of the relationship and personalities involved in 50 Shades, which I thought articulated things very well (disclaimer: I have not read the books and have absolutely no intention of doing so; thanks for the spoilers to keep my morbid curiosity at bay): The Trouble With Prince Charming or He Who Trespassed Against Us

Also, just for the lulz, dramatic reading of 50 Shades done by actor Gilbert Gottfried (voice of Iago the parrot in Disney's Aladdin).

[Joykins]

Originally Posted by rkomar

On my last flight, as we were buckling up and straightening our seat backs for landing, one of the flight crew was making the rounds with the book in her hand and her finger stuck between the pages. That's how mainstream it has become.

I'll tell you how mainstream it's become: the nearly-middle-aged women on my parenting (read: moms of kids aged 0-18, mostly) board are complaining that their elderly mothers and aunts are asking them to get them 50 Shades and it is freaking them right out. Apparently 50 Shades IS now Your Mother's Erotica.

[Joykins]

Originally Posted by elemenoP

Actually I find the ratio of women to men more puzzling than the chihuahua. In the book, the woman is the sub, right? So you have 90 or so would-be subs, taking the class without their partners there? And then what, they go home and tell their partners what to do? Isn't that... not very submissive?

eP

Well, it is BABEland. I suspect their primary market is women.

I am a mother. I think bossing someone around and having them actually OBEY me would be awesome. Problem is, I don't like hitting people.

[QuantumIguana]

There's fantasy and then there's reality. People don't need to put condoms on in a book, for example. In books, couples can engage in impractical feats of gymnastics. I've heard it said that men who visit dominatrixes often are men who have power in every day life. It isn't enough of a sample size to make any definitive judgements, but I haven't been very impressed with men to want to be dominant, they seem like people who are doormats looking for some area to feel like big men. Again, it's a small sample.

My sister-in-law does sex classes, this looks like the sort of thing where the book is an hook to get people in for the class.

[Prestidigitweeze]

Deleted. Too easily misconstrued and too preachy.