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Old 09-26-2008, 06:48 AM   #1
radioflyertoo
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If you were an Author ........
If you were an Author ....
and wrote books what type would you be?

A Hemmingway: I write.

Classical: When I write I describe every pertinent detail of the scene and situation to adequately convey the essence, color and worldly view of the character(s) at that particular time and incident.

Shakespearian: "Out damned spot" (apparently he didn't like dogs).

Pornographic: Peter's pulsating ????? profoundly palpated Priscilla's ???? ????? (are any of us really of age, to read that stuff?)

Monumental: Any Russian writer in the Tolstoy fashion.

Philosophical: Rene Descartes - I think there for I am.

Pulp: Ala Amazing stories.

Other: ?

Please provide a sample because the Insultasarous is lurking and may wish to comment.
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Old 09-26-2008, 07:08 AM   #2
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Writing Style: Space Opera/Pulp (sorta)

Why: Cause I really like the genre

Example:

Stone spotted a Vesuvian survivor through the vapors coming from the slowly rotating hulk of the blasted space cruiser, and quickly drew his Spackmeister GX-1 blaster, fired twice in quick succession, and watched with satisfaction as the vesuvians spacesuit ballooned from the escaping air, before going limp and started to float off into space.

- Nice shooting, Tex! He heard Varians excited voice over the com-link in his space suit.

Ignoring the excited call, Stone stealthily approached the wreckage. All the time keeping a sharp eye out for any sudden movements that would indicate more survivors. The rest of his squadron where slowly drifting along beside and too the rear of him. With a dull clang the magnetic boots of his space suit made contact with the hull. Stone crouched down; blaster at the ready, waiting to see if anyone had noticed the noise. Stone drew a deep breath, switched on his com-link and said, - Let’s do this!

Diving headlong through a crack in the hull, he immediately found himself caught under heavy fire with laser beams slashing though the dark, and only by twisting madly did he avoid to get hit right away. His own blaster was firing constantly trying to keep the Vesuvians pinned down and the rest of the squad followed through the hole, one by one, firing in quick succession…

Etc etc etc...

Now, let loose the Insultasaurus!
Last edited by Slite; 09-26-2008 at 07:23 AM.
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Old 09-26-2008, 11:51 AM   #3
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Classical style, heavy on the description

Quote:
Her editor’s mention of non-fiction triggered a memory for Catherine and she once again forced herself away from the smoky view. At the front of the house, past the formal dining room and across from the front parlor, Catherine entered Aunt Abagail’s cherished library. Unheard of in traditional Victorian design, the house’s crowning glory was a two-story library, accessible from both floors. Over the years, Abagail lovingly gathered the multitude of volumes that filled the space. Many were gathered during her time as a private tutor for two sets of twins in a family consumed by wanderlust, but most were rescued from estate and yard sales and trash bins. Abagail personally repaired broken and damaged bindings. Moldy, mildewed, and insect infested volumes were disinfected and quarantined from the main collection until they were satisfactorily recovered. The collection contained examples of almost every genre, fiction and non-fiction, and in several languages.

The distinctive scent of old books enveloped Catherine as she entered the room. It was a smell that both intrigued and repulsed her. As passionate about books as her aunt, the smell signaled the entrance into a world of wonderful and weird places, times, and beings that were as familiar to her as the people she met in her daily life. But it was that same passion, those same fictional worlds that made Catherine an orphan at the age of twelve and left her upbringing to her sixty-five year old spinster great-aunt.

Catherine was still undecided about the collection. The most valuable books were packed in her car, destined for her own shelves, but she couldn’t decide whether to sell or donate the rest. But that was a decision to be made later. Now she scanned the shelves on the lower level, seeking a green cloth bound volume with a silver title plate on the spine. Looking up and down the densely packed dark wood cases, she found it on the top shelf, just below the upper walkway. Catherine climbed the tracked ladder and gingerly pulled the book off the shelf. Descending the ladder, she placed the book on the large wooden worktable in the middle of the room without looking at or opening her selected volume. Instead, she crossed to the opposite side of the library and stood in front of the only case in the room that did not contain books. Twice already during her stay, she had stood here and collected favorite pictures and mementos. Now, sliding her finger along the underside of a lower shelf lip, she activated a hidden catch. A section of facing at the bottom of the case popped out just enough for her to swing the compartment door open. Catherine knelt and removed the dusty wooden box that resided inside. She blew the thick layer of dust off the lid and placed the box on the table next to the green book after closing the baseboard compartment. Catherine climbed the staircase and removed three more boxes from hidden compartments on the second level of the library. She placed them all on the table. These four boxes were just large enough to hold a ream of paper each, the purpose for which they were designed.
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Old 09-26-2008, 11:56 AM   #4
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Humor. Mostly about dealing with in-laws. Enough material there for an entire series of books! Inbreeding produces comedy AND extra toes.
Last edited by DixieGal; 09-26-2008 at 11:59 AM. Reason: But I'd have to wait until they are dead, otherwise they would have to sign the waiver with a big X in place of their names.
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Old 09-26-2008, 11:59 AM   #5
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Slite - "Those passages grate on my eyes like an asthmatic rhino would grate on ones ears when ramapaging through a cracker festival.

Insultasaurous
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Old 09-26-2008, 12:01 PM   #6
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Bookish Dreamer - Dumas is turning in his grave.

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Old 09-26-2008, 12:02 PM   #7
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Dixiegal - and strange bedfellows. bob
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Old 09-26-2008, 01:04 PM   #8
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What about you, radioflyertoo? Give us a sample of your writing style.

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Old 09-26-2008, 01:47 PM   #9
radioflyertoo
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From the cancelled story game. In the pulp scfi tradition.



Pungent was cringing in F's office after failing his last mission.

"Pungent you excretable cretin" yelled F "You failed again - no Gizzard from Lizzard. How are we supposed stop intereverthing theft? Get out of here!!!!"
Asparagus Pungent, head hung low, left the office.
Disintering himself via the secret exit, he turned left down Nowhere St. towards his domicile. "Darn it!" He thought, "My residence isn't mine, SBD (his nickname for his former wife) got it during the divorce, where am I going to go?"

Mean while Stringbean entered F's office via the telport door and said "F, I successfully retrieved the Flatiron Gizmo from the Techno's secret lab. Now, maybe we can lay smooth the wrinkles in the multiverse and keep better track"

F, who was now calm. said "Good work Stringbean, we needed a win. Hmm, by the way what DID you see in Asp anyway? I know you are now divorced."

Stringbean didn't answer - just turned her head, to hide a wicked grin and the red creeping up her tanned neck. She thought "Cheeky B*****d". Turning away she asked "Next Assignment?"

F thought a moment and said "See if you can find the Gizzard and bring it back, Asp failed again."

"Ok" she replied and left via the telport door.


Pungent realized he had no ready cash to get Pundit out of doggy jail. So he went to the Beetlejuice Bank ATM, did all that entry stuff and then prayed on his knees that money would come. Pungent was ecstatic when money spued out.

Walking jauntily to the pound Pungent actually avoided several Lizzards in drag waiting to kidnap him at his former house.

Pungent entered the pound paid Pundits fine and left.

Pungent ask "How did they treat you Pundit"

"As well as could be expected" replied Pundit "but some Lizzards came round and tried to bribe me with some paradigms." "Which I took, I told them the location of your house knowing that it wasn't your domicile any more."

Meanwhile back at the house the Lizzards were getting impatient, flicking tougue.
.........


"Complete and utter drivel an Emu could do better. The tears in my eyes are from the hurt this inflicted." Says Insultasarous
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Old 09-26-2008, 02:04 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by BookishDreamer View Post
the house’s crowning glory was a two-story library

Only two stories! - not much of a library
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Old 09-26-2008, 02:15 PM   #11
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Only two stories! - not much of a library
I should have known you'd notice that.

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Old 09-26-2008, 02:54 PM   #12
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Only two stories! - not much of a library
oh boy. how we survive around here with no groaning smiley, i really do not know.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:18 PM   #13
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If I was an author, I would be universally considered incompetent, with a style vaguely resembling an odd blend of Hermann Hesse and a five-year old who can almost spell his name. Something like an as-yet-to-be-published montsnmags enterprises novel but infinitely less understandable, less humorous, and less sane (and without the gibbons).
My mind was reeling [it would always be reeling in my novels - there is no other state of mind]. Horses clopped down the cobblestone streets and I realized that the senselessness of the sounds they made as they carried their passengers to the court were comparable to the asthmatic coughs of an elderly man with advanced pnumonia - utterly pointless [so is this sentence]. The wallpaper was fuscia - God, the pain of it! [yes, it resembles the pain of reading this post] The hours I spent in misery raking over mounds of papers with Times New Roman and Arial fonts is only nearly as painful [huh?]......
I like to think of it as Romantic SciFi topped with a rich layer of chocolate anxiety and nuts.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:53 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
If
My mind was reeling [it would always be reeling in my novels - there is no other state of mind]. Horses clopped down the cobblestone streets and I realized that the senselessness of the sounds they made as they carried their passengers to the court were comparable to the asthmatic coughs of an elderly man with advanced pnumonia - utterly pointless [so is this sentence]. The wallpaper was fuscia - God, the pain of it! [yes, it resembles the pain of reading this post] The hours I spent in misery raking over mounds of papers with Times New Roman and Arial fonts is only nearly as painful [huh?]......
.

...... But lo! My muse awakes and inspires me to use the mounds of paper and a roll of duct tape to cover the fuschia walls. Heedless of my rental deposit agreement and landlord, I began toiling to cover the offending walls, toiling and taping, perspiring and papering. At last my muse releases me and I gaze in wonder at my new black and white walls, black printing blurring from a distance into a smudgy pattern that was simple yet pleasing to the eye.

Tis then I chanced to glance into the hallway, and again my mind reeled and raled against the fuschia wallpaper. All of one's soul was reviled and melancholy ensued. "By gawd's bladder, I have it!", I exclaimed to myself, "I can print more papers and tape them onto the hallway walls, in much the same manner that I covered the bedroom walls." And thus it was made so.

Whereupon, I remembered the mauve walls in the middle bedroom. Not wishing to be caught undecorated, I knew.......

(Didja ever notice that once you remodel a room, the whole rest of the house looks shabby and you have to remodle them as well?)
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:00 PM   #15
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I don't write anything, aside from the the occasional irrelevant paragraph of pseudo-autobiography (and I'm currently also failing to write, for a good friend, The Autobiography of Gibbon B. Toklas).

In the absence of said writing, I prefer to call my style "Minimalist"...very, very minimalist.

Cheers,
Marc (Banana is a banana is a banana is banana...unless it's a cake)
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