A Beta Reader for an Erotic Gay Novel?

Todd Young · 08-29-2011, 07:27 PM

Hi,

I have just completed the second draft of a novel. It is a cross between gay erotica and m/m romance set in a college where two guys share a room. The main character is a footballer, who is coming to terms with being gay. He falls in love with his roommate.

Strictly 18+

If anyone is interested in beta reading, I'll throw in a free copy of my novella - Corrutped.

If you'd like to do a buddy swap, I'm prepared to read any genre. I have been writing for fifteen years under a variety of pseudonyms. I hold a degree in modern history and literature, and am one semester away from completing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in creative writing.

EileenG · 08-31-2011, 01:45 PM

What length is it?

mjhudston · 09-21-2011, 02:22 PM

Todd, I have read both Corrupted and Boyfriends. I would still be willing to beta read this for you.

Mike

Todd Young · 09-21-2011, 07:55 PM

The length is around 80,000 words.

Since starting this thread I have published the book on Amazon and Smashwords. If you want to beta read, you can take a free copy from Smashwords:

[Promotional link removed - MODERATOR - DO NOT POST PROMOTIONAL LINKS OUTSIDE OF THE Self-Promotion forum.]

The code is TV68T

Even though it's published, I'd be interested in anything you have to say about it. I suppose, since I'm giving the code away, anyone can take a free copy.

A review on Amazon would be nice.

EileenG · 09-22-2011, 11:21 AM

I just had a very quick look, and think you should take it down until your bata reader has had a go at it. Phrases like "It's Friday as you can see" jarred me (how can you see Friday?) I felt that Eunice wasn't reacting to him as a woman of that age would. I've never seen an old woman who meets a man and describes him out loud like that. It might just about work if she were young and making a move on him, not otherwise. And her behaviour afterwards did not ring true to me.

I'm getting confused. The first scene seems to be a flashback containing another flashback. When you end a flashback, you need to let the reader know you've done it. Is Eunice the woman in the first paragraph? Once you've named her, call her by name, not "the woman".

Who is Kelly?

Maybe it's just me, but all that pulling at his balls is not a turn-on. It would be different if someone else was doing it. Why did he not get Terry arrested and charged with assault? If the pain is bad enough to reduce him to tears, why is he worrying about dress-up costumes?

Almost all the action in the first chapter is in flashback, not present action.

I think I'd rather see an opening scene where Skipper does something that makes me like him.

Todd Young · 09-22-2011, 06:17 PM

Thanks @EileenG. I don't want to take it down because it is selling quite well. I can certainly upload a new version if someone does want to beta read. Even so, I'd be loath to make the sort of changes you're suggesting. I've worked on the novel for six months or more, and honestly, I'm sick of it. If I simply removed it from sale, I would break all the links to it, break the likes and the tags and the review I've got.

I suppose I don't really want a beta reader who is going to point out the sort of mistakes that you have suggested. A line edit would be great, but I'm not in a place where I can make changes to structure. I am aware of what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but I'm writing other things, and am studying, doing a degree in creative writing, which demands a lot of my time. I've had one person beta read it, and have had some positive responses via email. It's not the best thing I've ever written, but I think it's okay as it stands.

EileenG · 09-22-2011, 07:38 PM

If you are happy with it, fine. I'd just be a bit wary of leaving something in the public domain which is not as good as you are capable of, and which may embarrass you in five or ten years time.

I really do think you could do an edit to fix a lot of those things, and replace the version that is up with the edited version without having to close the account.

Todd Young · 09-22-2011, 07:43 PM

@EileenG, if you are still interested in the future sometime, I might do that. Right at the moment I'm trying to manage three novels, two for classwork, and one of my own.

08-29-2011, 07:27 PM	#1
Todd Young Addict Posts: 243 Karma: 1004164 Join Date: May 2011 Device: Kindle 2	A Beta Reader for an Erotic Gay Novel? Hi, I have just completed the second draft of a novel. It is a cross between gay erotica and m/m romance set in a college where two guys share a room. The main character is a footballer, who is coming to terms with being gay. He falls in love with his roommate. Strictly 18+ If anyone is interested in beta reading, I'll throw in a free copy of my novella - Corrutped. If you'd like to do a buddy swap, I'm prepared to read any genre. I have been writing for fifteen years under a variety of pseudonyms. I hold a degree in modern history and literature, and am one semester away from completing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in creative writing.

09-21-2011, 07:55 PM	#4
Todd Young Addict Posts: 243 Karma: 1004164 Join Date: May 2011 Device: Kindle 2	The length is around 80,000 words. Since starting this thread I have published the book on Amazon and Smashwords. If you want to beta read, you can take a free copy from Smashwords: [Promotional link removed - MODERATOR - DO NOT POST PROMOTIONAL LINKS OUTSIDE OF THE Self-Promotion forum.] The code is TV68T Even though it's published, I'd be interested in anything you have to say about it. I suppose, since I'm giving the code away, anyone can take a free copy. A review on Amazon would be nice. Last edited by Dr. Drib; 09-21-2011 at 09:20 PM.

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08-31-2011, 01:45 PM	#2
EileenG Zealot Posts: 146 Karma: 7462052 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Dublin Device: My phone	What length is it?

09-21-2011, 02:22 PM	#3
mjhudston All round good egg Posts: 229 Karma: 1005039 Join Date: Oct 2008 Device: Apple Ipad 3rd Generation	Todd, I have read both Corrupted and Boyfriends. I would still be willing to beta read this for you. Mike

09-22-2011, 11:21 AM	#5
EileenG Zealot Posts: 146 Karma: 7462052 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Dublin Device: My phone	I just had a very quick look, and think you should take it down until your bata reader has had a go at it. Phrases like "It's Friday as you can see" jarred me (how can you see Friday?) I felt that Eunice wasn't reacting to him as a woman of that age would. I've never seen an old woman who meets a man and describes him out loud like that. It might just about work if she were young and making a move on him, not otherwise. And her behaviour afterwards did not ring true to me. I'm getting confused. The first scene seems to be a flashback containing another flashback. When you end a flashback, you need to let the reader know you've done it. Is Eunice the woman in the first paragraph? Once you've named her, call her by name, not "the woman". Who is Kelly? Maybe it's just me, but all that pulling at his balls is not a turn-on. It would be different if someone else was doing it. Why did he not get Terry arrested and charged with assault? If the pain is bad enough to reduce him to tears, why is he worrying about dress-up costumes? Almost all the action in the first chapter is in flashback, not present action. I think I'd rather see an opening scene where Skipper does something that makes me like him.

09-22-2011, 06:17 PM	#6
Todd Young Addict Posts: 243 Karma: 1004164 Join Date: May 2011 Device: Kindle 2	Thanks @EileenG. I don't want to take it down because it is selling quite well. I can certainly upload a new version if someone does want to beta read. Even so, I'd be loath to make the sort of changes you're suggesting. I've worked on the novel for six months or more, and honestly, I'm sick of it. If I simply removed it from sale, I would break all the links to it, break the likes and the tags and the review I've got. I suppose I don't really want a beta reader who is going to point out the sort of mistakes that you have suggested. A line edit would be great, but I'm not in a place where I can make changes to structure. I am aware of what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but I'm writing other things, and am studying, doing a degree in creative writing, which demands a lot of my time. I've had one person beta read it, and have had some positive responses via email. It's not the best thing I've ever written, but I think it's okay as it stands.

09-22-2011, 07:38 PM	#7
EileenG Zealot Posts: 146 Karma: 7462052 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Dublin Device: My phone	If you are happy with it, fine. I'd just be a bit wary of leaving something in the public domain which is not as good as you are capable of, and which may embarrass you in five or ten years time. I really do think you could do an edit to fix a lot of those things, and replace the version that is up with the edited version without having to close the account.

09-22-2011, 07:43 PM	#8
Todd Young Addict Posts: 243 Karma: 1004164 Join Date: May 2011 Device: Kindle 2	@EileenG, if you are still interested in the future sometime, I might do that. Right at the moment I'm trying to manage three novels, two for classwork, and one of my own.

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