cougars, tigers & bears: the playground

[Alm Hlgh]

hello guys, since I received a such a warm welcome on my previous promos; I wanted to present a sneak peek at my new novel: Cougars, Tigers & Bears: The Playground. It is scheduled to be released within the next month or so.

I would sincerely love it if you take a peek at it and yay: criticize, criticize, criticize. It is truly hard to find good editors. I welcome all.

The story is about:

Scotty was considered to be po' white trailer trash by all American standards. He was looking to better his life. Lynda was a socialite looking to find an identity and a life of her own. The two of them were caught between the world that separated them. She was forced to marry a man she didn't love to help save her father's crumbling empire. He was a thug in love with his mother's best friend and co-worker a prostitute named Lila. The only things that they had in common: were their quest to live their lives as their own and the hatred for the man who wanted to stop them.
______

www.booksie.com/AlM HlGH


http://www.booksie.com/library/toc.html/toc/328304

Thank you so much in advance and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Alm...

[queentess]

Originally Posted by Alm Hlgh

I would sincerely love it if you take a peek at it and yay: criticize, criticize, criticize. It is truly hard to find good editors. I welcome all.

...has it been edited?

This is much more descriptive than the prior one. Very helpful.

[Alm Hlgh]

Originally Posted by queentess

...has it been edited?

This is much more descriptive than the prior one. Very helpful.

It's in the editing process; that's why I thought it would be helpful to release a pre-copy. Usually other people see better than the writer....

[Dr. Drib]

Please remember, that when you actually release the book that it goes in this thread. ("One Book = One Thread.")

Thank you for your understanding.


Don
(Moderator)

[lene1949]

The very first sentence has a spelling mistake...

[Alm Hlgh]

Originally Posted by lene1949

The very first sentence has a spelling mistake...

lolo seriously as many times that I have read that I always saw "feel". I guess someone is right I do project alot. Thank you so much for checking it out...

[queentess]

Originally Posted by Alm Hlgh

I would sincerely love it if you take a peek at it and yay: criticize, criticize, criticize. It is truly hard to find good editors. I welcome all.

He wanted to bolt out of that office, the minute he had finished wiping his feet on that straw mat; but still he knew he wasn’t going anywhere soon. [...]

The truth told Dean Baldwin didn’t have the authority to kick him out of the program. Scotty knew it and he smugly smiled to himself; this program was sweet he thought. [...]

The Professor a tall, redheaded freckle faced man was a Harvard Grad who wore Harry Potter’s glasses. A massive pile of oodles of paper nearly hid him. [...]

“Always daddy’s lil girl,” Monique her mother quibbled as she rolled her eyes.

Taken from various points on the first page. Not nearly everything that's wrong, but there's a lot of improperly used punctuation and missing punctuation, tense changes mid-sentence, and vocabulary misuse ("quibble" doesn't mean whatever you think it means). Also a lot of infodump description of the dean's office that didn't belong.

I know you're soliciting editing feedback here, but this is in really rough shape.

[queentess]

Originally Posted by Alm Hlgh

www.booksie.com/AlM HlGH

Also might want to fix your broken link

[Worldwalker]

Originally Posted by Alm Hlgh

lolo seriously as many times that I have read that I always saw "feel".

And that is exactly why you can never proofread your own stuff.

I've lost count of how many times something looked perfect to me, only to have my first reader ask "why do you have the word 'the' twice in a row?" or something equally lame. Why? Because I knew I only wanted to type it once, so I never saw the cut-and-paste error. The human mind is disturbingly good at ignoring what is right in front of it and seeing exactly what it expects. It's sort of a literary form of confirmation bias.

Someone else -- preferably someone who's never read it before, so they don't make the same mistakes you did -- should always proofread everything you write before the public gets their first look. You're not going to see all of those errors, but everyone else is.