Unutterably Silly Red Face coming up

[Katti's Cat]

Thought about posting this on the 'joke / day' thread but as I'm about to out myself as a total dumbnut, I decided to start a new thread.

Ever had an experience that was totally and utterly embarrassing? The kind of 'open earth and swallow me' moment? Well I have.

Before I tell this, I apologise to any religous, cultural or other group that might be offended by this. No offence is meant as this is a personal story that happened to me. Well, not to me but by me.


If you take easy offence, stop reading now






Ok, I am German born and raised although I have now moved to Australia.

Once upon a time (yep, it's that long ago) my sister was as au-pair in the USA for a year. She had a great time. And the family was so kind as to allow me to come and visit & stay with them. It was my very first Overseas trip. By myself. On a plane. To NY. (The European trips didn't count at the time). Wow, was NY big. And I had to find my way through the airport. Make my way through customs (who so wanted to know why I had a 3 months supply of the pill with me - I thought it was smart, they were worried I'm gonna make little Americans ).

After all that , flight from Hamburg to Amsterdam to New York, through customs I had to take the bus up to Conneticut where my sister was waiting for me at a busstop somewhere. Well, I managed to find a bus. And the trip started. I was waiting to get out of NY to have a look around the countryside. There didn't seem to be one. It was getting dark and I was somewhat nervous and tired. I nearly missed the busstop because I didn't recognise the young woman waiting for me. My sister had grown up in the time (nearly 1 year) I hadn't seen her. Hugs, Kisses & tears. The usual.

When we got to the house, the mother of the family was out, the kids in bed. The dad was home, having cancelled his squash or tennis in honor of my arrival. I was sooo tired at that stage, I could hardly speak, let alone in english. Thinking was a problem too. But over a cold drink (non alcoholic) we made slow and somewhat painful conversation. I thought it all went, not great but ok. Until,... he asked the questions that is now forever burnt in my brain.

He asked : "Do you know many Jews." Obviously being interested in the subject as the family was jewish.



My answer? "No, we don't have many left"

The moment the words where out of my mouth i just wanted to die. The utterly horrorfied look on my sisters face I will never forget. I went bright red, not only in the face but I could feel my whole body turning a bright red while I was waiting for the earth to open up and looking for a mouse hole I could crawl into.

And the Dad? His reaction? He looked at me and then started laughing so hard and loud, he actually fell off the chair. Didn't help my embarrassment. Neither the fact, that the family had a gathering a couple of weeks later to which my sister and I where invited. I only got introduced as the 'girl that doesn't know any jews because they haven't got many left over there'.

Today, more than 20 years later I can at least smile about the story.

Anyone can beat that? Dare to share?

[poshm]

It's a good thing your hosts had a sense of humour! Crikey.

I've said lots of dumb things in my time and done lots too. I always get away with it because I'm small, look a lot younger than I am (got asked for ID when buying wine as a 30 year old!) and people for some odd reason think I'm very sweet - which gets a bit sickly at times as I'd like to think I'm good but I'm not an angel.

I don't think I can beat that story though.

My very first lecture at uni, I was running late so in a rush to get into class and a seat before the lecturer started. Everyone else had sat down and my friends had saved a seat right at the front and slap bang in the middle.

Instead of doing the normal thing and walking down the row to get to the said seat, I decided (in my infinite wisdom) to race right round the front and jump into the seat. Hmm. Well it all went terribly wrong and as I jumped into the seat, I slipped down the gap between the back of the seat and my friends had to pull me up. Everyone laughed hysterically of course. So dumb.

Then for one of my birthdays, I had a flaming drink which I was toasting myself with standing up on the seat (should have learned my lesson) and I dropped it setting fire to the tablecloth. It was put out very quickly by the waiter but that is just typical me. Oh well.

Can't wait to hear more stories ...

[Wetdogeared]

During a graduating ceremony, wearing cap and gown, I was handed my diploma which I promptly fumbled and dropped. On it's way downward it hit the toe of my shoe and it appeared as if I had kicked it, where it landed under the 2nd row of spectator seats.

I scrambled on my hands and knees to fish it out between the chairs and then headed, red faced, for the nearest exit.

I had missed the rehearsal for the graduation and didn't know that I was supposed to exit down the center aisle where the proud parents and other attendees could get a first look at their graduate. I didn't follow that route, I went out the nearest exit. Since my name was early in the alphabet I was the first to receive my diploma. All of the other graduates followed me out the same exit. We were all out there wondering where to go next. I just wanted to go home and hide my face in my pillow.

Seems rather funny now but makes for a good story.

[Laine]

Not as bad as that but still embarrasing.

I live in Sydney and last month I went to Melbourne for a few days. On my last day I took a train to a suburb with an embroidery shop. The train came into the station. I stood at the door waiting. The train went out of the station. The Melbourne residents (looking at me as if I'm an idiot when I wailed that the doors didn't open) then told me you have to open the door yourself. It never occured to me to open the door. Here in Sydney you're not allowed to open train doors - they open automatically.

[Katti's Cat]

Hehe Happened to me too in Melbourne

[dreams]

My crowning moment? I went back to university around age 40. As I was starting a new degree, I had to take a couple of lower lever classes for the new BA. (I'm tiny and don't look my age, so it was easy to blend in.)

It was winter, I was wearing the normal short skirt and boots everyone else had on, and I finally found a seat in the crowded room.

It was the first day, and the professor wanted everyone to stand when he called their name. Well, my name was called, and I started to stand....

Apparently, I forgot that the chair and desk are attached... Next, thing you know I am sitting on the floor below the desk! The guy next to me about fell out of his seat laughing! He said it looked like a head popped up and then the rest of me "slithered" down between the seat and the desk before landing on my bottom on the floor!

He said the expression on my face, when he looked under the desk was so comical that he almost fell out of his seat laughing... The WHOLE class was cracking up (including the professor!). I'm talking tears of laughter!

I wanted to just crawl out of there and never come back! When the class laughter died down, and I had crawled out from under my desk (which started everyone laughing again), the professor thanked me by name for a happy start to the day!!

[kindlekitten]

oh lordy, I've so many I could fill a couple of books!

[phenomshel]

My most recent one was while talking to the (then) customer service manager at my job. To put it mildly, she wasn't my favorite person at the store at the time. She was talking about never getting to see me, and out of my mouth pops, "There's a REASON I work nights..." Ooooops. I *think* I managed to lie my way out of it, but I've never been sure. She's no longer at this location, so I suppose it's now a moot point.

[Katti's Cat]

Ooh, I love all you people who also have foot-in-mouth disease.

At least we manage to entertain those around us, have a funny story to tell once the red faces have faded.

Every single one of us should be awarded a Medal of some sort.

[desertgrandma]

Picture it.

Youngish, attractive lady, walking oh so importantly down the main aisle of a busy retail establishment, short-ish skirt swinging, feeling good about herself, (she's just gotten the keys to the store and gets to close for the first time that night).............

And suddenly her heel slips and she doing the splits in front of God and everyone. Wait......maybe no one noticed!!

Ha! Laughter surrounds her.

My face still burns when I think of it. Instant humility.

At least I was wearing underwear, clean even!!.............

[Katti's Cat]

[mrscoach]

Way back in high school I was drum major for our band. We did a big half-time show with the other band for the final game of the year and had a practice with them before the game. Of the four drum majors, they decided to have ONE run to the back to direct the drums and brass while the woodwinds marched to something. I had to haul it back there in a certain amount of time, just a few measures. This was back in the days when the artificial turf was slick and hard, and we word slick souled shoes for marching.

The directors wondered why the back half of the band suddenly just stopped. dead. at the same time. What happened? I was lieing on my back, feet still up in the air, wondering what happened. It seems when I tried to stop, after sprinting back there, my feet slid out from under me and up over my head and I landed on my back, almost up on my shoulders. Was I hurt? Only my pride.

Fortunately it was only the practice and not the half-time performance. It also bought me a little more time to get back there, since they didn't want to chance a repeat performance.

And all the cute guys were in the drums and brass, too!!

[carlobee]

haha.. i laughed so hard too upon reading the story!! i could feel you there!!! haha.

[GraceKrispy]

These are awesome!!


Hmm... I have too many to list, but one in particular struck me as I read the marching band one...

I had forgotten about this one. It also took place in the context of marching band (and Iʻm not even going to tell you about the time I flubbed up the trumpet solo in front of hundreds). It was in the band room. There was this cute senior guy (I was a freshman) who was lying on the band risers with (I THOUGHT, and this is KEY) his eyes closed. I stood in front on him, almost touching his knees (he was lying on his back, with his knees hanging over the edge and feet down). I made the most disgusting faces at him. Very sexually suggestive, very bizarre. Iʻm still not sure what I was thinking at that time. I *thought* it would be funny for my friend standing with me, as I *thought* the guyʻs eyes were closed.

Needless to say, they werenʻt. I still wonder what he thought of me after that. I donʻt recall ever being able to get closer than about 10 ft to him after that.