Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 629

wodin · 10-18-2016, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Hey, that's how you type in Secret Code!

It does help if you remove the ribbon. Or do this to the second sheet of paper, not the first.

If you can even find a sheet of carbon paper today, or a typewriter ribbon for that matter. If you want to multicast, you could put the mimeograph stencil in backwards.

DMcCunney · 10-18-2016, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

If you can even find a sheet of carbon paper today, or a typewriter ribbon for that matter. If you want to multicast, you could put the mimeograph stencil in backwards.

Carbon paper is still sold. You can get it at Walmart among other places. But the state of the art has improved, and what you get now is sometimes called carbonless paper.

If I want to date myself, I talk about mimeographs and electro-stencils.

______
Dennis

PoP · 10-18-2016, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Hey, that's how you type in Secret Code!

Secret codes... Exactly. I discovered that (by myself) long ago, when I was 6.

cromag · 10-18-2016, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

Secret codes... Exactly. I discovered that (by myself) long ago, when I was 6.

Leonardo?! Is that you?

crich70 · 10-19-2016, 01:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Carbon paper is still sold. You can get it at Walmart among other places. But the state of the art has improved, and what you get now is sometimes called carbonless paper.

If I want to date myself, I talk about mimeographs and electro-stencils.

______
Dennis

Weren't they still using mimeograph machines at least into the mid 1970's or so? I remember hearing of early fan fiction about Star Trek being printed on such machines.

drjd · 10-19-2016, 05:15 AM

I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards.

She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can.'

orlok · 10-19-2016, 06:45 AM

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand.

It's seven.

yvanleterrible · 10-19-2016, 06:45 AM

Aaah! The mimeograph machine....
Those days are the fondest memories about school I have. I used to participate in the daily student news paper as a writer and help print the 150ish copies every day. Great fun it was!

crich70 · 10-19-2016, 04:51 PM

Do you have to be a twin to be a copy editor? lol.

John K · 10-20-2016, 11:23 AM

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

WT Sharpe · 10-20-2016, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand.

It's seven.

I am so stealing that!

crich70 · 10-20-2016, 11:41 PM

I came across this one earlier and had to steal it. lol.

Samtully · 10-21-2016, 08:41 AM

Don't know how the video system works here but i wander around Imgur Too much

So here's a contribution from my side to watch.

When The Squad Is Hyped for you.

http://i.imgur.com/WmQtLqf.mp4

Samtully · 10-22-2016, 06:57 AM

Another one From me to brighten up your day a bit.

http://i.imgur.com/XxUxIzf.mp4

drjd · 10-22-2016, 09:40 AM

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

10-20-2016, 11:41 PM	#9432
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	I came across this one earlier and had to steal it. lol. Attached Thumbnails

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10-19-2016, 05:15 AM	#9426
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I went to my doctor and told the receptionist that I felt like a deck of cards. She said, 'Have a seat, and the doctor will deal with you when he can.'

10-19-2016, 06:45 AM	#9427
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. It's seven.

10-19-2016, 06:45 AM	#9428
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Aaah! The mimeograph machine.... Those days are the fondest memories about school I have. I used to participate in the daily student news paper as a writer and help print the 150ish copies every day. Great fun it was!

10-19-2016, 04:51 PM	#9429
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Do you have to be a twin to be a copy editor? lol.

10-20-2016, 11:23 AM	#9430
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.

10-21-2016, 08:41 AM	#9433
Samtully Banned Posts: 18 Karma: 10000 Join Date: Oct 2016 Device: kindle	Don't know how the video system works here but i wander around Imgur Too much So here's a contribution from my side to watch. When The Squad Is Hyped for you. http://i.imgur.com/WmQtLqf.mp4

10-22-2016, 06:57 AM	#9434
Samtully Banned Posts: 18 Karma: 10000 Join Date: Oct 2016 Device: kindle	Another one From me to brighten up your day a bit. http://i.imgur.com/XxUxIzf.mp4

10-22-2016, 09:40 AM	#9435
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so. The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.