Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 628

drjd · 10-11-2016, 03:53 AM

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."

He returns her gaze, "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens, "Anything?"

"Anything," she repeats again.

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"

orlok · 10-11-2016, 01:29 PM

I mistakenly drank some Tippex instead of my liquid Viagra.
I now have a huge correction.

drjd · 10-14-2016, 03:29 AM

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Of course, you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

WT Sharpe · 10-15-2016, 03:35 PM

PoP · 10-17-2016, 08:13 AM

A man is allowed to go to Heaven, on a short vacation from Hell, before completing his penance.

He asks saint Peter if he can see his wife.

"Okay, okay, I'll make an effort and search for her on my computer."

Saint Peter looks in the #Benefactresses file: nothing.

He looks in the #Beatifics file: nothing!

He then looks in the #Saints file: still nothing!!

Exasperated, he asks "By the way, have you been married for a long time"?

"Oh yes, 52 years" replies the man.

"Of course, that explains it. I had to search in the #Martyrs file".

drjd · 10-17-2016, 02:11 PM

The successive president of the local Climate Changes Committee was the carbon copy of his predecessor.

cromag · 10-18-2016, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

The successive president of the local Climate Changes Committee was the carbon copy of his predecessor.

These days I doubt my college educated daughter knows what a "carbon copy" is!

poohbear_nc · 10-18-2016, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

These days I doubt my college educated daughter knows what a "carbon copy" is!

You give away your age if you can remember the heartbreak of discovering that you had inserted the carbon paper backwards -- and inadvertently typed a two-sided copy ... on one page ...

crich70 · 10-18-2016, 09:52 AM

Q. Did you hear about the lumberman who quit his job?
A. When asked why he was quitting he answered that he was bored.

crich70 · 10-18-2016, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

You give away your age if you can remember the heartbreak of discovering that you had inserted the carbon paper backwards -- and inadvertently typed a two-sided copy ... on one page ...

Personal experience poohbear? lol.

crich70 · 10-18-2016, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I mistakenly drank some Tippex instead of my liquid Viagra.
I now have a huge correction.

Now there is something that needs to be fixed. lol.

wodin · 10-18-2016, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

You give away your age if you can remember the heartbreak of discovering that you had inserted the carbon paper backwards -- and inadvertently typed a two-sided copy ... on one page ...

But you'd need a mirror to read the second page.

crich70 · 10-18-2016, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

But you'd need a mirror to read the second page.

Or tell upper management that it's a translation into some foreign language that they don't read. They might not even catch on to the deception. lol.

WT Sharpe · 10-18-2016, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

You give away your age if you can remember the heartbreak of discovering that you had inserted the carbon paper backwards -- and inadvertently typed a two-sided copy ... on one page ...

That may be the one mistake I've never made in my life. At least, I can't recall ever doing it.

badgoodDeb · 10-18-2016, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

You give away your age if you can remember the heartbreak of discovering that you had inserted the carbon paper backwards -- and inadvertently typed a two-sided copy ... on one page ...

Hey, that's how you type in Secret Code!

It does help if you remove the ribbon. Or do this to the second sheet of paper, not the first.

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10-11-2016, 03:53 AM	#9406
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam," she says. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..." He returns her gaze, "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens, "Anything?" "Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"

10-11-2016, 01:29 PM	#9407
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I mistakenly drank some Tippex instead of my liquid Viagra. I now have a huge correction.

10-14-2016, 03:29 AM	#9408
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!" The clerk says, "Of course, you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

10-15-2016, 03:35 PM	#9409
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.

10-17-2016, 08:13 AM	#9410
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,021 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	A man is allowed to go to Heaven, on a short vacation from Hell, before completing his penance. He asks saint Peter if he can see his wife. "Okay, okay, I'll make an effort and search for her on my computer." Saint Peter looks in the #Benefactresses file: nothing. He looks in the #Beatifics file: nothing! He then looks in the #Saints file: still nothing!! Exasperated, he asks "By the way, have you been married for a long time"? "Oh yes, 52 years" replies the man. "Of course, that explains it. I had to search in the #Martyrs file".

10-17-2016, 02:11 PM	#9411
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	The successive president of the local Climate Changes Committee was the carbon copy of his predecessor.

10-18-2016, 09:52 AM	#9414
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Q. Did you hear about the lumberman who quit his job? A. When asked why he was quitting he answered that he was bored.