Which blurb is better?

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by meeera

How does the neglect tie into the eugenics experiment? Is it a genetically typical baby being neglected, or does it have genetic issues also? If so, what kind?

How old is the baby? What/how much is it being fed? How underweight/close to death is it?

As I said, if this is severe failure to thrive, you'd expect maybe some irritability, but lethargy, excessive sleeping, and gaze avoidance might be much more prominent behavioural signs than frequent crying. These babies can lack the energy to cry; in addition, when hungry cries are ignored for long enough, babies learn not to cry. (Along with the failure to gain weight and hit developmental milestones.) If micronutrients are insufficient you might also expect, for example, a severe nappy rash and possibly rashes elsewhere such as the face. And if left lying in one position all the time, flattening of the skull in that area.

Thanks for the great info, meeera. In the book the protagonist hears second hand about the eugenics experiments and so the medical specifics are not a focus.

[Cinisajoy]

Gregg,
We have had this discussion before, get the details correct or get slammed in the reviews.
Now I really don't like either blurb.

[meeera]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Thanks for the great info, meeera. In the book the protagonist hears second hand about the eugenics experiments and so the medical specifics are not a focus.

You have a couple of symptoms - medical specifics - right there in the blurb. Obviously they're very important, as they're the reason the protag starts to suspect something is wrong.

If "not a focus" means "my assumptions are good enough, and I can't be bothered with doing enough research to get the medical specifics right", then sure, bye.

[Gregg Bell]

Hey, you guys are absolutely right. Thanks.

[Croker]

Hi Gregg! The second blurb is certainly the better of the two, but I'm in agreement with the others here about the need to polish it a little more, change "feeble" for something more suitable, and the like.

Actually, not that I have a desire to make things more difficult for you, but how wedded are you to the title? "Saving Baby" conjures up images of chick lit for me (interestingly, the proposed cover you had in your other thread would have been better suited to a chick lit novel, I thought!), when - judging by the information here - this is obviously a much darker book. I'd be looking to riff slightly more on the eugenics angle, and the idea of trying to pass something along (however unwanted) to the next generation. "Monroe's Legacy", maybe?

Obviously, this is probably a rubbish suggestion on my part, but I just thought I'd throw it out there. No offence meant or taken, I hope!

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by Croker

Hi Gregg! The second blurb is certainly the better of the two, but I'm in agreement with the others here about the need to polish it a little more, change "feeble" for something more suitable, and the like.

Actually, not that I have a desire to make things more difficult for you, but how wedded are you to the title? "Saving Baby" conjures up images of chick lit for me (interestingly, the proposed cover you had in your other thread would have been better suited to a chick lit novel, I thought!), when - judging by the information here - this is obviously a much darker book. I'd be looking to riff slightly more on the eugenics angle, and the idea of trying to pass something along (however unwanted) to the next generation. "Monroe's Legacy", maybe?

Obviously, this is probably a rubbish suggestion on my part, but I just thought I'd throw it out there. No offence meant or taken, I hope!

Thanks Croker. Despite the eugenics angle I don't think the book is particularly dark. I've got the cover and it's all set so I'll hang with Saving Baby. Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.

[Croker]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Thanks Croker. Despite the eugenics angle I don't think the book is particularly dark. I've got the cover and it's all set so I'll hang with Saving Baby. Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.

No worries, Greg! Best of luck with it!