Marriage... a thoughtful question.

[HappyMartin]

First marriage was what we call a starter marriage. No kids no property and no regrets. Divorced by 30 and decided to never get married again. Married again at 45.

Marriage vows bring freedom. Freedom from all the concerns that not being married brings but it comes with responsibilities. A responsibility to be kind when irritated, patient when angry. A responsibility to be generous, supportive and fun. To be a help and not a hindrance.

Also my wife is a high level accountant working for Accenture and is 17 years younger than me. She is my retirement policy and I have told her that

I love my wife dearly.

[TGS]

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives - as much as if we had never married at all.

Lord Byron

I used this quote on the order of service at my most recent (third) wedding. My reasons for getting married has been different on each occasion.

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by SneakySnake

i tried to give Janis K, but I have to spread it around first. I thought the link in kenny's post was to the bio!

I learn't the truth @ 44 that things are not always what you hoped for.

.

[kennyc]

BTW I'm happily divorced. No intentions of remarrying, but would not rule it out....just don't see it happening...

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by kennyc

BTW I'm happily divorced. No intentions of remarrying, but would not rule it out....just don't see it happening...

LOL! Neither did I, friend. Neither did I! For 17 years, neither did I!


Stitchawl

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by DixieGal

To belong to someone special who also belongs to you.

Most definitely.

[jbcohen]

I believe that phenomshel in the first paragraph is partly right but I would like to take this issue in an unusual direction, let's talk about sexual strategies. For a male creating children does not take very long, get her cloths off her and get the job done, very little investment of time. And there is a reason why it takes males very little time, in cave man times there were always predators around looking for a meal so caveman had to keep one warry eye out of predators, sex had to be accomplished fast and with as little enrgy as possible so he could keep the predators away. For the female on the other hand there is a lot of time and energy expended in creating children, will take her approximatly fifteen years per child to acomplish that (in prehistoric times you were considered to be an adult at fifteen and were then expected to fend for yourself). A woman is vunerable while she is pregnant unlike a man so she needs someone to protect her. Marriage came about as a method for her to obtain that protection that she needs in order to have and raise the children. For a man the optimal strategy is get her pregnant and move on do that as many times as possible. For a woman she needs protection and marriage was a means to accomplish that.

The structures of the marriage evolved as a method for him to get something in exchange for protecting her and the brood. In exchange for protecting the family she is expected to provide something in exchange by cleaning house and making dinner or what ever meal you call that. She became June Cleaver as a way to provide something in exchange to her man. It may be true the the marriage is not the optimal strategy for Ward Cleaver but coming home to an empty house takes time because Ward has to do everything himself, by having June in the home keeping everything clean and taking care of the kids with the dinner on the table saves Ward time and energy becuase that is a lot of things he does not need to do.

The problem then comes with June then leaves the home for work, now Ward is not getting anything in exchange for his labor out in the work force. Hence there is the modern battle about the working June Cleaver. In all of the homes that I know where June works she is still expected to clean the home, keep up with the kids and make the meal. Hence Ward still gets his part of the bargain. In some cases Ward is assumed June's job in the home, the contract is still in effect but the rolls have been reversed.

This is one of the reasons why modern society does not like Ward with a girlfriend, becuase he is not living up to his part of the contract to protect the family and only that family. This is also the same reason why when June found herself a boyfriend besides Ward society did not like that one bit, becuase she is not living up to her side of the contract.

[DixieGal]

Tim and I have weathered a lot of crises and pain and difficulty together. Maybe more than the usual amount. We have both spat in death's face more than once.

I can honestly say that at times like that, the "fight-or-flight" impulse overwhelms love and affection. Only the marriage contract for legality and marriage vows for honor kept us together. And because of that, we worked together and came out stronger on the other side of the crisis.

People we meet often remark that we are a "perfect couple" or "perfect marriage." They don't always mean it kindly, I'm sure. But we did not just emerge from the honeymoon like this. It took a lot of work to merge two people into one single soul.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by DixieGal

Tim and I have weathered a lot of crises and pain and difficulty together. Maybe more than the usual amount. We have both spat in death's face more than once.

I can honestly say that at times like that, the "fight-or-flight" impulse overwhelms love and affection. Only the marriage contract for legality and marriage vows for honor kept us together. And because of that, we worked together and came out stronger on the other side of the crisis.

People we meet often remark that we are a "perfect couple" or "perfect marriage." They don't always mean it kindly, I'm sure. But we did not just emerge from the honeymoon like this. It took a lot of work to merge two people into one single soul.

:sheesh: and me and mine are still on our honeymoon .....

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by jbcohen

I believe that phenomshel in the first paragraph is partly right but I would like to take this issue in an unusual direction,{SNIP}
.

Wow! Wonderful, interesting, and thought provoking comments! Certainly karma-worthy!

Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by DixieGal

{SNIP} It took a lot of work to merge two people into one single soul.

The old 'Forged in the heat of crisis, to make a stronger bond!' How very true this can be for many!


Stitchawl

[dsvick]

My wife and I were perfectly fine living in sin with our daughter. Then we decided to buy a house and everything was going swimmingly until a few days before we were going to close the loan broker casually asked if we were married - a quick trip to the justice of the peace and we were all set. That was 13 years ago (we were together for 5 years prior to that) and everything is still pretty darn good!!

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

If you must remove love from the equation (and I don't really know why you would), the primary reason for marriage is a committed, socially-accepted partnership. Not so much for you as a couple, but for all the others out there, all the institutions, all the banks, all the governments.

The marriage contract suggests stability, which commercial and government institutions like, and will allow you to do things you can't do when you're considered "unstable."

The contract establishes a partnership, meaning you tie your resources together. My wife and I would never have been able to buy our house individually... but with the exact same resources, together, we were a shoe-in.

The contract is legally binding, so you know you have legal recourse if that partnership is unilaterally dissolved... there is less of a concern of being abandoned at an inconvenient time, and a possibility of recompense if you are (a concern of those taking care of children).

All of this, in our modern age, is what keeps the institution of marriage relevant.

Love makes it equally irrelevant.

[Stitchawl]

Thanks, people, for some wonderfully insightful answers. Obviously there is no single 'correct' answer for a question like this, and I suppose we must accept all of the answers as valid... but...

If they ARE all valid answers, why is the divorce rate so high, and climbing higher every year?

Stitchawl

[Elfwreck]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

If they ARE all valid answers, why is the divorce rate so high, and climbing higher every year?

Because a lot of people believe that marriage is a requirement for sex.

Or that getting married will make them able to work together as a partnership.

Or because they want some of the legal benefits of marriage, and picked someone they don't get along with in a few years.

Or because they're told they must get married if they have children together. (And marriage will magically create an ability to get along and work out problems.)

Or because their local community will spit on them if they live together and aren't married.

Plenty of reasons to get married that have nothing to do with the ability to *stay* married. And removing the legal obstacles from divorce, and most of the social & financial benefits from marriage, has led to widespread divorce. (Marriage is only a financial advantage for middle-class & above families. For people living in poverty, it's usually an expense; they have to balance the annual tax cost against the legal rights it grants.)