Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 91

mores · 06-24-2010, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

A woman walks into a bar, and asks the barman for a double entendre.
.
.
.
.
.
So he gives her one.

I understand that this might not work for anyone who doesn't speak English English, so I have hyperlinked the relevant phrases.

It works better when this joke is being told in person, because you can make the (in)appropriate gesture to go with the punch line

Lycoming · 06-24-2010, 10:50 AM

There's also a sound for the 'double entendre'...."Boom Boom."

poohbear_nc · 06-24-2010, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

There's also a sound for the 'double entendre'...."Boom Boom."

In the USA -- badda bing!

SameOldStory · 06-26-2010, 03:41 PM

What do you call global warming when it washes away San Francisco, LA, Seattle, NYC, Boston, and Washington DC?

Global Renewal

kennyc · 06-26-2010, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SameOldStory

What do you call global warming when it washes away San Francisco, LA, Seattle, NYC, Boston, and Washington DC?

Global Renewal

You forgot Bombay and Tokyo.

SameOldStory · 06-26-2010, 04:45 PM

No. If I made even a partial list of major areas that would be flooded should a significent ice melt occure I would get keyboard fingeritis.

But you do know that this has already happened in the past, don't you?

A sustained +21 m sea-level highstand during MIS 11 (400 ka): direct fossil and sedimentary evidence from Bermuda

The info is out there.

Jokes are one thing, but this doesn't belong here so I'll move over to "Global warming or not?"

mores · 06-30-2010, 03:49 AM

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Lycoming · 06-30-2010, 08:23 AM

yvanleterrible · 06-30-2010, 09:02 AM

Will there be a sequel?

MJK2111 · 06-30-2010, 12:24 PM

/Thread-Jack ON/
yvanleterrible - you are the lucky recipient of Random Karma!
/Thread-Jack OFF/

Lycoming · 06-30-2010, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Will there be a sequel?

Possibly.

columbus · 07-01-2010, 11:37 AM

I don't think I have seen this one posted here
(Apologies as always to our blond female members

)

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small Texas town. With his dummy on his knee he starts going through
his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts
shouting; 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.. What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a woman's
hair have to do with her worth as a Human being? It's guys like you who keep
women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from
reaching our full potential as a person. It's because you and your kind
continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in
general....and all in the name of humour!!!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
'you stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!'

Lady Blue · 07-01-2010, 02:51 PM

roger the rabbit · 07-02-2010, 04:48 AM

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

lene1949 · 07-02-2010, 11:35 AM

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand
her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when
she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she
could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will
enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always
feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room
and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.

Never mind.

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06-24-2010, 10:50 AM	#1352
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	There's also a sound for the 'double entendre'...."Boom Boom."

06-26-2010, 03:41 PM	#1354
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	What do you call global warming when it washes away San Francisco, LA, Seattle, NYC, Boston, and Washington DC? Global Renewal

06-26-2010, 04:45 PM	#1356
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	No. If I made even a partial list of major areas that would be flooded should a significent ice melt occure I would get keyboard fingeritis. But you do know that this has already happened in the past, don't you? A sustained +21 m sea-level highstand during MIS 11 (400 ka): direct fossil and sedimentary evidence from Bermuda The info is out there. Jokes are one thing, but this doesn't belong here so I'll move over to "Global warming or not?"

06-30-2010, 03:49 AM	#1357
mores Guru Posts: 834 Karma: 102419 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Vienna, Austria Device: iPhone	THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool! 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road. 10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

06-30-2010, 08:23 AM	#1358
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2

06-30-2010, 09:02 AM	#1359
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Will there be a sequel?

06-30-2010, 12:24 PM	#1360
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	/Thread-Jack ON/ yvanleterrible - you are the lucky recipient of Random Karma! /Thread-Jack OFF/

07-01-2010, 11:37 AM	#1362
columbus Wizard Posts: 999 Karma: 5487540 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In my own imagination. Device: Sony Prs 650, 505	I don't think I have seen this one posted here (Apologies as always to our blond female members ) A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small Texas town. With his dummy on his knee he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting; 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a Human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. It's because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general....and all in the name of humour!!!' The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'you stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!'

07-01-2010, 02:51 PM	#1363
Lady Blue the snarky blue one Posts: 6,001 Karma: 3877825 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: deep in the heart Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"

07-02-2010, 04:48 AM	#1364
roger the rabbit Addict Posts: 316 Karma: 10215 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Wherever I lay my hat! Device: Sony PRS-T3, 650 Black, 505, Kobo Glo HD Aura ONE	Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

07-02-2010, 11:35 AM	#1365
lene1949 Wizard Posts: 1,952 Karma: 213930 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Middelfart, Denmark Device: Kindle paper white	A Real Man A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.