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Old 05-28-2010, 11:39 AM   #1201
yvanleterrible
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Quote:
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(Don't think this has been posted before)

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?' The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

And the blonde entered Heaven...


* * * What's worse I bet you are now singing it to yourself!!!!!!
Who's Matilda?
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Old 05-28-2010, 11:43 AM   #1202
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Yeah, I'm not remembering the song either so the joke was kind of a bust...
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Old 05-28-2010, 11:44 AM   #1203
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Who's Matilda?
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Old 05-28-2010, 04:22 PM   #1204
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Who the **** is Alice?
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Old 05-28-2010, 05:24 PM   #1205
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Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a really big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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Old 05-28-2010, 05:54 PM   #1206
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Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a really big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

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Old 05-28-2010, 06:08 PM   #1207
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All I could do the first time I saw this video was: The next 23 times too.
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Old 05-29-2010, 08:56 AM   #1208
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Yeah, I'm not remembering the song either so the joke was kind of a bust...
Well' there you go, I guess you're not going to get in up there
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Old 05-29-2010, 08:56 AM   #1209
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Who the **** is Alice?
try the 2nd. floor
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Old 05-29-2010, 12:46 PM   #1210
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Old 05-30-2010, 11:38 AM   #1211
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Maybe a bit off-color but what the hey....


How did Gary Coleman die?

He had a different stroke!
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Old 05-30-2010, 01:39 PM   #1212
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Maybe a bit off-color but what the hey....


How did Gary Coleman die?

He had a different stroke!
:groan:
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Old 05-30-2010, 02:01 PM   #1213
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:groan:
Glad you appreciated it.
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Old 05-30-2010, 02:09 PM   #1214
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All I could do the first time I saw this video was: The next 23 times too.
You must be new here. That's the theme song for the MR lounge.
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Old 05-30-2010, 03:12 PM   #1215
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oh Jebus, It's my wife.
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