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Old 05-19-2010, 06:19 AM   #601
beppe
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.... didn't intend

(I know - that's the beauty of what I try to do - evoke the readers' own responses - hence no title for this one (yet))....
I never thought - up to now - that you had an inclination for futurism. Quite unconscious of course. Unconsciousness being induced by controlled deprivation of chocolate
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Old 05-19-2010, 06:21 AM   #602
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yes - the chocolate is strictly rationed ....
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Old 05-19-2010, 06:28 AM   #603
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yes - the chocolate is strictly rationed ....
wel, the results are not bad. Not at all. and Less choco for you, more choco for me.
It's a new law of conservation that I just invented.
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Old 05-19-2010, 06:31 AM   #604
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no it doesn't work like that !

I have all the chocolate - it's what's left that I leave to you ...
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Old 05-19-2010, 06:52 AM   #605
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no it doesn't work like that !

I have all the chocolate - it's what's left that I leave to you ...
An original and authentic expession of Futurism.

OK, I will modify the conservation law accordingly and generalize it. Which now reads: What is mine is yours and what is yours also. In this way we can also conserve symmetry. And parity.

You get a scare eh?

In real life I like choco, but not as much as LittleDaughter. Her daily intake, strictly limited to early morning. is steadily increasing. This morning she wanted the whole new tablet. 8 minutes of uninterrupted crying. In the general indifference.
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Old 05-19-2010, 08:34 AM   #606
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Geoff, this recent untitled poem of yours is very intriguing. I love the flow and the word play, even if I must confess to being somewhat baffled as to its meaning. It seems to be describing a comet, but surely one whose approach is extremely close to our own sphere if it "reflects its light, both day and night." The "Fiery" comet of 1014, perhaps?
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Old 05-19-2010, 01:02 PM   #607
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(only way I can find to post this, as an image ..... )

To be read either down and / or across ....

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Old 05-19-2010, 01:45 PM   #608
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GeoffC

I'm still trying to figure out the first one, but this last one is interesting in how it can be read either down or across.

After reading it both ways a few times, I think I like it best when read across the page.

As to the first one... I keep changing what it means to me. The first time through I visualized the sun and moon, but the last part didn't fit. Then I added in the Earth and breaking free of current orbit, moving through the fabric of space, and being caught in orbit around another thus becoming a "moon".. (Whoa, too much History Channel, for me. )

GeoffC I to you, for although I like the feel of the second, your first has caused me to linger searching for meaning.
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Old 05-19-2010, 01:57 PM   #609
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I shall provide a title in due course, or at least provide my take on the meaning.

I particularly like the numerous 'takes' that have been suggested , It shows me that I am doing what I aim to, and that is invoke the readers' emotions (rightly or wrongly) ...

Also shows, I think, the power that a title has on a poem ....
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Old 05-19-2010, 02:41 PM   #610
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I shall provide a title in due course, or at least provide my take on the meaning.

I particularly like the numerous 'takes' that have been suggested , It shows me that I am doing what I aim to, and that is invoke the readers' emotions (rightly or wrongly) ...

Also shows, I think, the power that a title has on a poem ....
Ah Ah we are being de-structuralists now. Title, I'll give you a title right away. Sir Geoff. How do you like that.

Is the second one yours? Just answer yes or no, you sneaky Briton. Please

My comment to follow.

Since the mighty Dreams came into the game I feel much more confident. Ah.
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Old 05-19-2010, 03:05 PM   #611
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wrong post, sorry.
Last edited by beppe; 05-19-2010 at 03:22 PM. Reason: wrong post
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Old 05-19-2010, 03:52 PM   #612
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You doubt the second one is mine ?

Cheeky .....

Of course it is .....


Now ? why do you ask ?
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Old 05-19-2010, 04:38 PM   #613
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You doubt the second one is mine ?

Cheeky .....

Of course it is .....


Now ? why do you ask ?
No, I did not doubt or assume. I just waited to look at it to be sure that it was by you. Please forgive me if in any way I upset you.That was not my intention at all.

It is beautiful, the trick is so well hidden in the craft. The two poems stand up by themselves and merge continuously verse by verse. Becoming one. the main symbol, the disclosed gem. It will take some careful reading and playing with it for me to drink it with great pleasure, and recognize the flavors and how they play on each other.

That could well be a druidic marriage song. I will keep it for my LD, because it is warm and pure.
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Old 05-19-2010, 05:16 PM   #614
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The 3 verse poem (the earlier one) brings to my mind thoughts of glacier(s).
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Old 05-19-2010, 05:22 PM   #615
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The 3 verse poem (the earlier one) brings to my mind thoughts of glacier(s).
I can see that.
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