Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 79

SneakySnake · 05-06-2010, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Being less than worldy about the aforementioned kissing of one's Burro, will this do?

I'll kiss ya!

poohbear_nc · 05-06-2010, 07:21 PM

Ewwwwwwwwwww - no tongue! no tongue!

SneakySnake · 05-06-2010, 07:28 PM

Better to kiss an ass with tongue than to kiss an arse at all!

wait wait wait did I get that the right way round.

Maybe its better to kiss an arse with tongue than to kiss an ass at all.

Oh no. bugga now I am confused

poohbear_nc · 05-06-2010, 07:31 PM

Memo to self: Under no circumstances -- ever kiss SS

yvanleterrible · 05-06-2010, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SneakySnake

Better to kiss an ass with tongue than to kiss an arse at all!

wait wait wait did I get that the right way round.

Maybe its better to kiss an arse with tongue than to kiss an ass at all.

Oh no. bugga now I am confused

Leave'em both alone, it'll be better...

Over · 05-09-2010, 05:09 PM

Lycoming · 05-10-2010, 08:52 AM

*A little boy comes down to breakfast. *
*Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. *
*'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. *

*Well, he's a little ****ed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. *
*He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. *
*He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.*

*He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.*

*'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? *
*And why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.*

*'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. *
*I saw you kick the pig,so you don't get any bacon for a week either. *
*I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you are not getting any milk .'*

*Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.* *The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?'*

pilotbob · 05-10-2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

*Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.* *The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?'*

yvanleterrible · 05-10-2010, 11:02 AM

:sigh:

Control levers, blackmail, things never change...

robb01 · 05-10-2010, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

*A little boy comes down to breakfast. *
*Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. *
*'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. *

*Well, he's a little ****ed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. *
*He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. *
*He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.*

*He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.*

*'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? *
*And why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.*

*'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. *
*I saw you kick the pig,so you don't get any bacon for a week either. *
*I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you are not getting any milk .'*

*Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.* *The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?'*

LOL

rebarnmom · 05-10-2010, 12:48 PM

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch, they reported to their teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then, she said: "First question: Which tire was flat?"

Lycoming · 05-10-2010, 03:01 PM

An elderly,(about 70), white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check (cheque). I know you need to make sure my check (cheque) clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..

On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

yvanleterrible · 05-10-2010, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

An elderly,(about 70), white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check (cheque). I know you need to make sure my check (cheque) clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..

On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Good one but it's the same as post #1072

pilotbob · 05-10-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Good one but it's the same as post #1072

Yea.. but still funny the second time around.

BOb

Format C: · 05-11-2010, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

post #1072

OMG!
I'm rolling on the floor!

That's a good way to tell jokes!!!!
It makes it even better!!!!

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05-06-2010, 07:21 PM	#1172
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,592 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Ewwwwwwwwwww - no tongue! no tongue!

05-06-2010, 07:28 PM	#1173
SneakySnake I'm watching you! Posts: 6,113 Karma: 22344652 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Sunny Coast Qld, OZ Device: Sony PRS-900(unused lately) iPadAir2, want me Kindle Oasis	Better to kiss an ass with tongue than to kiss an arse at all! wait wait wait did I get that the right way round. Maybe its better to kiss an arse with tongue than to kiss an ass at all. Oh no. bugga now I am confused

05-06-2010, 07:31 PM	#1174
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 63,592 Karma: 135239851 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Memo to self: Under no circumstances -- ever kiss SS

05-09-2010, 05:09 PM	#1176
Over Wizard Posts: 1,462 Karma: 6061516 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cascais, Portugal Device: Kindle PW, Samsung Galaxy Note Pro 12.2", OnePlus 6

05-10-2010, 08:52 AM	#1177
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little **ed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. 'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? And why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks. 'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig,so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you are not getting any milk .' Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?'

05-10-2010, 11:02 AM	#1179
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	:sigh: Control levers, blackmail, things never change...

05-10-2010, 12:48 PM	#1181
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 4525055 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch, they reported to their teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then, she said: "First question: Which tire was flat?"

05-10-2010, 03:01 PM	#1182
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	An elderly,(about 70), white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check (cheque). I know you need to make sure my check (cheque) clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said.. On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"