Unutterably Silly The Pshrynk and Ralph Comedy Hour

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by columbus

Seems a lot of us here are older than we look (or pretend to be) being able to remember so much from "Laugh in"!!! or do you all live in down town Burbank??



Which one's you Pshrynk ?

Pshrynk is the one in the chair and Ralph is the one on the couch.....

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

(Cut to) Dick Nixon: "Pshrynk it to me?!?"

[Greg Anos]

(Cut to Lady Blue made up as an old lady. UncleDuke is made up as an old geezer. Lady Blue is sitting on a park bench, and Uncleduke hobble up with a cane to the park bench and sits next to Lady Blue.)
"Ahh, a cute one. Want to fool around?"
(Lady Blue whaps UncleDuke with her purse.)
"Ooh, a frisky one. Want to get naked?"
(Lady Blue batters UncleDuke with her purse, kicks him below the belt and shoves him off the bench.)
(UncleDuke lying on the ground) "An adventurous one. Want to call me an ambulance...


(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph)
Pshrynk: "Well, Ralph, It's time for some news."
(Four men in black suits, white shirts and black ties, walk over). "We don't permit news here."
Ralph: "Who are you fellows?"
Spokesman for the 4 guys: "We're the Moderators In Black. You first, last and only hope for a civil thread."
Ralph: "Funny, last I heard, Sybil had 17 threads."
Pshrynk: "Quiet, Ralph. Certainly we can reach an agreement with you people. This is a Comedy thread."
Spokesman: "Where?"
Pshrynk: Why, all over the thread."
One of the other Mods In Black looks around, takes out cellphone, and talks into it.: "Code 3, Hazmat. Send in a team."
Pshrynk, nonplussed: "Why can't we do news?"
Spokesman: "Because it would be slander."
Ralph: "They've been reading our scripts!"
Pshrynk: "How about the past?"
Spokesman: "That would be embarrassing to Sainted memories."
Pshrynk: "Well then, how about the future. It hasn't occurred yet, so it can't be slander."
Spokesman (Grudgingly): "I suppose you can do the future..."
(Team walks off)

Pshrynk: "OK, folks, lets get started."

Pshrynk: "Flash - Dateline 2030 - Washington. Supreme Court Chief Justice Hillary Clinton announces her engagement to long-time pal Janet Reno. When asked if she would recuse herself on the forthcoming ruling on gay marriage, she responded ' Of course not. This is about coming out of the closet, not staying in it.' President Rush Limbaugh said 'This was just another example of liberal bias.' Speaker of the House Johnny Depp refused to consider impeachment procedures, stating that 'Things were fruity enough as it was, without adding peaches to it.' "
"In a related story, there was a mass exodus from Waco, Texas..."

Ralph: "Flash - Dateline 2030 - Hollywood. Hollywood announced completion of totally realistic computer generated actors. This opens up the pandora's box of reusing famous dead actors. The first feature using the new process is Debbie Does The Three Stooges.It will be followed by other 3-D blockbusters such as Jimmy Stewart in Harvey Vs. Dillinger, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in a new Western Dancing In Front of The Herd, and William Powell, Myrna Loy, and Arnold Swartzenegger team up in Alcohol and Old Politicians. The rumors of the movie A John Wayne Chorus Line, are reported to be completely unfounded. However, the Rock Hudson/Anita Bryan vehicle The Orange Grove, has been green lighted.

Pshrynk: "We're going to sneak in a news item anyway. Flash - Dateline Yesterday - Washington D.C. Negotiation between France and Russia over which nation had the ripest cheese fell apart when French President Sarkozy and Russian President Medvedev simultaneously tried the "Pull my finger" ploy to support their country's position. President Obama was reports as commenting "Thank God they weren't negotiating over beans"...

Pshryink: "And that's the news for this week's show."

Ralph: "Sounds like they need an Open Window policy for their negotiation."


(Hard cut to VR at the announcer mike) VR: "And another breaking score - Trees 14, Dogs 6."

(Cut to short scene. Dog hikes leg at water hydrant. Hydrant suddenly shoots water out at dog, washing the dog down the street...)

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

(Cut to) Moderator In Black walks onstage, consults his earpiece, nods, and looks at the camera: "The following is a disclaimer from the Moderators In Black. What you just heard... you didn't hear from us. That's our story, and we're sticking to it. Anyone who Tivo'd the last two minutes has obviously fallen under the influence of alien video-hackers. That is all."

Moderator In Black starts to walk away, then stops and looks at camera again: "What are you still doing watching this? Jerseylicious is on the Style channel right now!"

[columbus]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

Pshrynk is the one in the chair and Ralph is the one on the couch.....

Yes I thought as much

[Greg Anos]

(Cut to VR at the mike) : "Remember, these posts by RSE, as with all RSE creative works, are part of the public domain, because no country would allow their copyright system to be ruined by them...."

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

(Pshrynk and Ralph enter from behind the curtain, wearing tuxes.)
Pshrynk: "It lookes like we're going to have a great show tonight."
Ralph: "Every show with John Wayne is a good show."
Pshrynk: "We aren't having John Wayne here."
Ralph: "What, he stiffed us again?"
Pshrynk: "He's dead!"
Ralph: "Like I said. He stiffed us again.

Zelda Pinwheel: "Did you hear the one about the dying man who was given a Zany Carter just before he died?"
Sparrow: "No. What happened?"
Zelda: "They had to give him last rites in 26 different centuries and 3 different universes."

Originally Posted by ShortNCuddlyAm

This one just got me odd looks from the giggling

me too (from the cats).

(Cut to Dr. Montesmag, back on the submarine bridge)
Dr.Montesmag: "Ahh...Dive, dive."
Sailor at helm: "Aye, aye, sir."
(Both the sailor and Dr.Montesmag suddenly show up in Adrian's Bar.)
Dr.Montesmag: Err...What are we doing...here?"
Sailor: "You said 'dive' ..."

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

Pshrynk: "Quiet, Ralph. Certainly we can reach an agreement with you people. This is a Comedy thread."
Spokesman: "Where?"
Pshrynk: Why, all over the thread."
One of the other Mods In Black looks around, takes out cellphone, and talks into it.: "Code 3, Hazmat. Send in a team."

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

(Hard cut to VR at the announcer mike) VR: "And another breaking score - Trees 14, Dogs 6."

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

(Cut to: William Shatner and Nathan Fillion standing together)
Fillion: "Tell me, Bill, who do you think would win in a fight between Capt. James T. Kirk and Capt. Mal Reynolds?"
Shatner: "The fans!"
Fillion: "Got that right..."

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

(Cut to: Sigourney Weaver and Linda Hamilton standing together)
Weaver: "Tell me, Linda, who do you think would win in a fight between Ellen Ripley and Sarah Connor?"
Hamilton: "James Cameron."

[Steven Lyle Jordan]

(Cut to) Rodney Dangerfield, fussing with his tie: "Boy, tough room. Last time I saw a crowd as lively as this, MR had just closed their beer garden!"

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by columbus

Seems a lot of us here are older than we look (or pretend to be) being able to remember so much from "Laugh in"!!! or do you all live in down town Burbank??

Actually, I remember watching the show as a kid, but I just looked it up, and I was still wearing diapers when it completed its run. So I guess we got some old shows?? I also remember watching Benny Hill. Those two shows are connected in my mind, but I hated Benny Hill because he was always chasing half-naked ladies with a horrible facial expression that disturbed me, as a child.

Originally Posted by Steve Jordan

(Cut to: Sigourney Weaver and Linda Hamilton standing together)
Weaver: "Tell me, Linda, who do you think would win in a fight between Ellen Ripley and Sarah Connor?"
Hamilton: "James Cameron."

*snort*

[Greg Anos]

(Cut to Zelda Pinwheel) Zelda: "And now folks, it Psock it to me time!"
(Sound of people in background rapidly chanting "Psock it to me, Psock it to me, Psock it to me" over and over.)
(Suddenly Hugo and Lefty fly through the air and lightly hit Zelda on the head. Zelda reaches down and picks up Hugo and Lefty and holds them on-screen.)
Lefty: "Did we do it right?"
Hugo: "We followed the script..."
Lefty: "But it didn't have us say anything."
(Zelda smiles and give the both a hug.) "You both did fine!"

(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph back in front of the curtain.)
Pshrynk: "And now it's time for It's A Double Moderator World look at piracy."

(Cut to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'Make Adrian a Mod - Moderation is for Monks!')

(Hard Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph)
Pshrynk: "Piracy is a major problem in the e-book world. We on the Pshrynk and Ralph Comedy Hour are doing our best to help."
Ralph: "The Pirates?"
Pshrynk: "No, Ralph, the law abiding people."
(Ralph shields his eyes and peers to the horizon): "Where?"
Pshrynk: "C'mon Ralph, be serious. It's something the Moderators think about every day here on Mobile Read."
Ralph: "I thought they were trying to get Zelda's phone number, the same as I do."
(Pshrynk rolled his eyes): "Let's get an interview on the subject."

(Cut back to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'The pirate world is behind the steal curtain!')

Ralph: "Now that's my kind of interview!"
Pshrynk: "Maybe we'd better move along."

(Cut back to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'Steve Jobs Keeps a batchelor iPad!')


(Cut to Dr. Montesmag at the conn of the submarine.)
Dr. Montesmag - "Ahh...take her down."
(Sailor at helm see female sailor walking by. He dives and trips her then pins her shoulders. The Executive Officer pats the floor for a three count while the female sailor struggles to get out from under the pin. She fails, and after the third pat, the Executive Officer stands and salutes Dr.Montesmag.)
Executive Office: "Down for the count. Captain!"
(Dr. Montesmag looks at the camera): Err...I don't think...I should say... anything about the...periscope."

(Hard cut to VR at the announcer mike) VR: "And we have a final score - 9."


(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph in Tuxes in front of the curtain.)
Pshrynk: "Well, that's all we have time for."
Ralph: "What about the joke wall?"
Pshrynk: "Steve Jordan already did that."
Ralph: "What about the Star Trek Jokes?"
Pshrynk: "Steve Jordan already did those, too."
Ralph: "Well, I like that!"
Pshrynk (winks to audience): "I thought you would."
(Ralph looks at watch) Ralph: "I'm late anyway."
Pshrynk: "For what."
Ralph: "Bippy practice."
Pshrynk: "Bippy practice? Who would you have Bippy practice with, anyway?"
Ralph: "The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!"
Pshrynk (bemused): "You're not having Bippy practice with the Cowboy Cheerleaders."
Ralph: "I certainly am! They have some of the sweetest Bippies I've ever seen."
Pshrynk (shaking his head in bewilderment): Well, before you go..."
Ralph: "Would you like some pictures of them?"
Pshrynk (rolling eyes): "As I was saying, before you go, we're still missing something."
Ralph (gasps) : "We can't do those sort of jokes on MR."
Pshrynk: "No, it's time to go shake VR's paw."
Ralph (relieved): "That sounds like a good idea."
Pshrynk: "VR! come on out with the rest of us!."
(VR enters from behind a curtain - stage left)
Ralph: "Hey VR, gimme paw!"
(VR sticks out paw. Pshrynk and Ralph each grab an end of VR and hustle him behind the curtain - stage right. Sound of barks and a large splash. Pshrynk and Ralph saunter out from behind the curtain, grinning.)

Ralph: "Well, you know the MR censors told us to clean up our act."
Pshrynk: "Who was the poodle already in the hot tub?"
Ralph:"That was Fifi. She might need to give VR swimming lessons."
Pshrynk: "Is she a good swimmer?"
Ralph: "Is she a good swimmer! Dogs come from miles around to practice synchronized swimming with her."
Pshrynk: "Do they practice in a pool?"
Ralph: "Occasionally."
(Pshrynk shakes his head)
Pshrynk: "Time to say goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Queen Zelda in full regalia, sitting on a magnificent throne) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Adrian, the High Gibbonate) "Goodnight, Ralph"
(Cut to GeoffC, stiil wearing German helmet) "Goodnight, Ralph. Und did you see Lucy mit der football?"
(Cut to ShortandCuddlyAm) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Patricia): "Goodnight Ralph."
(Cut to BadGoodDeb, waving Ginsu cleaver in the air) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Lady Blue, still in the little old lady outfit) "Goodnight, Ralph"
(Cut to Uncle Duke in casts and traction in a hospital bed) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Computer Generated John Wayne image) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Ralph's voice in the background) "See, I told you we'd have John Wayne!"
(Cut to montage of all the different Doctors saying in unison) "Goodnight, Ralph!"
(Cut to President Richard Nixon) "Goodnight, Dick." (turns head to hear inaudible off-stage prompt.) "Whaddy mean 'Goodnight, Ralph'? Isn't this my *&(^** next campaign speech?"
(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph listening to loud rhythmic splashing from behind the curtain.)
Ralph: "Sound like VR is getting the hang of things!"
Pshrynk: "It certainly does! Say goodnight, Ralph."
Ralph: "Goodnight, Ralph!. And don't trip on the way out..."

(Sound of various items falling down and making loud noises, followed by a loud belch.)

Pshrynk's voice: "That's $300, please. Pay the laddie at the door."

[GeoffC]

[Greg Anos]

I hope everybody enjoyed this wacky diversion from all the seriousness and rancor around here.

Don't make me have to another one.....

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

I hope everybody enjoyed this wacky diversion from all the seriousness and rancor around here.

Don't make me have to another one.....

for offering ...

okay - get to it ! ....