Unutterably Silly Convenient Lies

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Let's do the Time Warp?

[Long ago when I worked the night shift at a reference library in a major university - during the class vacation times Sunday nights were really slow - and boring - so one night the reference desk staff chalked the steps to the Time Warp on the carpet and watched the reactions of the patrons]

ROFL!!!!!!!!EXCELLENT!!!!

[GeoffC]

who's seen the Boss recently?

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Let's do the Time Warp?

[Long ago when I worked the night shift at a reference library in a major university - during the class vacation times Sunday nights were really slow - and boring - so one night the reference desk staff chalked the steps to the Time Warp on the carpet and watched the reactions of the patrons]

That's awesome! I wonder how many people figure them out for what they were.

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

who's seen the Boss recently?

Last I saw he was rummaging through some old boxes looking for an English to Tillamook by way of Sanskrit dictionary. Something the manual having the answer to the underwater conversion functionality of the aft dorsal stabilizer.

He seemed a bit frazzled so I gave him some chocolate and left him alone.

[Wetdogeared]

How many of us are in this thing?

[GeoffC]

I'm still here - awaiting orders !!!!

(Isn't today pay-day?)

[kindlekitten]

that was yesterday. we couldn't find you so I said I would hold it for you. you missed a helluva poker game last night!

[GeoffC]

which means I still have my pay ....

I heard grumbling in the Boss's cabin last night, and shouting down his phone. Me thinks all is not well or else the crew are in for a shock someday SOON.

Good job we're in a balloon, those sprouts and l'escargot last night are beginning to fester. Oh noes we're in a balloon and the ladies are starting a darts match with stilletto knife throwing against the bulkhead .....

Ladies, ladies, ladies .... please remember where you are ....

Boossssssss! we NEED work NOW ....

[kindlekitten]

[QUOTE=GeoffC;838431]which means I still have my pay ....

QUOTE]

well, just because I quadrupled the money I sat down with! don't worry about the knives. we are after all, professionals

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Do we need numbered steps? Well, maybe, if we start doing the polka we need to know the steps...... Dance, anyone?

Polka? Sounds more like clothing-optional TWISTER to me!

And let me remind all passengers, NO FOOD IN THE JACCUZZI! Do you know how disgusting cleaning out that filter is? (I didn't say no eating, just no food -- [ I didn't really say that... Yes I did. I'm a baaaaad boy.])

Anyway... Disgusting. From the Latin, to cause the loss of appetite. Hair, grease, soggy pizza crufts, and what I can only guess is part of a thong. Seriously, eww.

I gotta get on the ball here, or we'll be drifting for a looong time. We'll NEVER make it to S America, much less to Bali (Hi!!) for...

[Que Ted Nugent music, "Cat Scratch Fever"]

"Cat Crap Coffee!!!"

We'll go and find a nice luwak and have some kopi!


i've developed a fail-safe, fool-proof, easy-peasy, can't-fail get-rich(er)-quick sche-er, PLAN. After our impending gold-strike, we will take our proceeds, and proceed to Bali, where we will kidnap a civit farm and make a crap-load of coffee! We will then dehydrate said coffee and sell it instantly to all of the impatient rich people who can't wait for a pot(ty) of crappy coffee -- they want instant, microwave coffee badgoodness. Deb can help with the marketing. Instant Kopi Luwak!

We'll sell it on late-night QwiVeeCee to asthmatic insomniacs with the promise that "it contains the strongest Placebo allowed by LAW! It's SO strong, in fact, it will grow HAIR on a Billiard Ball!" We'll also kidnap a shipment of CiaBalls. I don't know why people want hairy balls, but we'll have a supply. As long as nobody tries to put the Kopi on their noggin, we should be safe from Interpol. Heck, even if they do, we can claim that we only claimed it would grow hair on Billiards, not noggins. Plus, unless they fermented their scalps in the uWave, the promise won't hold water. If they DO microwave the coffee shampoo, then they won't be in any condition to sue, so we'll be safe there, too! Shampoo... heck, we'll have the REAL poo!

I can see all the greenbacks rolling in now. Maybe on a ferris wheel.

Sha-WEET!

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

And the leather leg cuffs were not my idea.



Well, where we tied them off was, but there you have it.

For which you have my eternal thanks. Well, eternal at least until the next time you need a favour.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

How many of us are in this thing?

I wouldn't be so sure we're not on one of these...
-- the WHALE of the SKY!


Except for the fact that the initial tour showed that we are travelling in the literal lap of luxury. I'm just an ol' lap dog anyway. I was BORN for luxury.


Now if I could convince the universe of that...

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

not wishing to upset anybody, but when I wuz up on t' gun deck havin' a play with the guns, I noticed, snuggled in a corner - a Big Bertha, all ready, primed and aimed for whatever we need to aim it at....take note, the trigger is a little delicate ....

OY! Me MUM's name was Bertha! Have a care!

Well, then, she was quite petite, so that probably wa'n't 'er.

Wait, why would there be a loaded golf club up in the gun nest? Oh, that must be an alternate path to the driving range on top. Mind the curbs if you're driving... jump one o' them and it's a long way down.

Now, Speaking of golf clubs... if there was a Mae West I would understand... or even a Marilyn Monroe -- both designed for getting lost at sea with (or at least getting wet in).

I've made great headway in figuring out how to restart the blasted thing... I found a crank in the pilot house. and HE said that I just need to push the button labeled "This button makes it go."

I always try to over-think things. Who let that dingbat aboard anyway? SECURITY! Remove the crank from the bridge. NO! I'M Not the CRANK! I'm CRANKY! Dang it!





--- Interlude between Captain (moi) and previously un-credited first mate:

Sir! This report just in: The Crew is REVOLTING!

I know, but they're the best we could get at what we were paying them.

No, I mean, actually.... revolting.

Yes. I know. I've seen them. But anyway -- FREE BOOZE IN THE MESS!

You're a genious, sir.

I know.

[mvisconte]

Star date: Marilyn Monroe

"Mr Sulu! Set a course fo-"

"Sir! I'm on my honeymoon, sir!"

"Well CRAP!" I didn't want him for my navigator anyway.

Anybody! Anybody who can steer this thing! Point us towards Old Virginie (no, not the ugly one). We've a date with destiny! And Marilyn Monroe, if I have MY frantic, fevered imaginitive way... Nope, nope. FOCUS man!

OK, across the Atlantic to Virginia... first stop, PEANUTS!

[mvisconte]

to the size, I guess...



Purlioned from somewhere, no doubt...

I'll keep looking until I find the one that has the teak decks, hot tubs, lounge and dance floor, observation decks, tanning area on top, skeet range, top-side shuffle-board, swimming pool, etc.