Unutterably Silly Convenient Lies

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

...And a deep growl comes from the hatchway. You know, a dog sounds a LOT larger when you can't see it. Their shoulders drop and they move toward the patio. Deb follows them out. They look back inside the wheel house and WD(E), KK, and I head out, closing the hatchway...

I hope I have some talking parts. I didn't sign up for just walk-ons and growls. You know you have competition with another thread that has a talking doggie, right?

Dubya Dee (E).

[badgoodDeb]

Not being the author, I can't add the talking bits. But your white furry head looks so snuggly that I'll give ya a big hug & kiss, WDE! (so long as my own doggie doesn't get too jealous)

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by GraceKrispy

First I thought ...

...
Or an otterly bizarre stepstool with a small horse hiding inside?

Those are totally strange otters, but haven't you ever heard of a pony tail.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

...Anyhow guys, look what I found in the galley, hidden in the cubbiehole behind the cooker and under the floorboards ....

Chocolate, whisky, bourbon, gin and doughnuts..... tuck in ------

Oh wow! I forgot what I put that! I'll just move that all to me room.

Aw heck, it was probably there when I liberated the dig... you get a finders fee and we can donate the rest to the Crew's Morale Committee. Let's get some morale now...

Originally Posted by GeoffC

(btw, what happened to our guests?)

They had to leave suddenly (at 32 ft^2/s) They had a pressing appointment. They went for a moonlight swim (without the moon). The were diverifying their investments. They were in search of an honest but intimidatable man, and couldn't find one... take your pick.

Hey! Are you Ovo-Lacto or laid back? We have chickens, we have cows (I think), we have broccoli. Gimme a Chick! Gimme an Egg. Gimme some cheese! Put them all together and what do you get? Q-U-I-C-H-E Yeay team!

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

We better stay well outside the 200 mile limit; away from those curious dogs with the acute sense of smell.

We'll be outside, alright. We're heading across... "Mr Sulu, plot a course for, ... WEST~!" "Any place in particular, captain?" "I'll know it when I see it. Engage!"

I always get my pacing mixed up... acute, A Cute... a seemingly unimportant difference. You tell a dog he's got an acute sense of smell, he understands you. You tell a dog he got a cute sense of smell, and he thanks you. You tell a woman she's got acute angina, she wallops you with her purse and then calls for re-enforcements.

I guess that's better than the time I (quite innocently) told a woman in line in front of me that her butt-crack was hanging out. She ignored me until I thought out loud "that would make a good pencil holder. Lots o' room, but it'll hold 'em tight. She was not amused. I should have opened with asking her if she's a plumber.... a better lead-in. I think my favorite conscious faux pas has been when in the midst of a brain-lock-up, the only thing I could think to say to a pretty lady was, "uh... you know, if those were speakers, for that size, the proper distance would be 6 to 12 feet apart.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by dsvick

...how about a button pushing requisition form? It is a short, 24 page, form that has to be completed in order to be allowed to push any buttons. The form is stored on the shared drive of the computer in the lounge - I know it is broken but tech support has assured me that they'll get on it as soon as they find their diagnostic device that they lost...

After that is fixed, the attached printer will be their absolute next priority. Until those items are accomplished and we can print the request forms please refrain from any unnecessary shiny object pushing, pulling, twisting, sliding, kicking, or elbowing. In fact, the shinier the object is the less likely it is for it to be even remotely healthy for you to touch it.

If in doubt please call the captain. You can page him by pressing that button over there on the bulkhead. Just make sure you're standing on the "X" outlined in red when you do it. No, no need to look up - just press it... go ahead...

Hee heeh heee... The next time we get strong-arm sharks, we'll just get them to stand on the "X"... With the last two, they could be w/in sight of the others and still not have enough smarts to think anything suspicious when it's their turn.

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

Aw heck, it was probably there when I liberated the dig... you get a finders fee and we can donate the rest to the Crew's Morale Committee. Let's get some morale now...


They had to leave suddenly (at 32 ft^2/s) They had a pressing appointment. They went for a moonlight swim (without the moon). The were diverifying their investments. They were in search of an honest but intimidatable man, and couldn't find one... take your pick.

Chomping on the doughnut .... Um, boss? I think you squared the wrong thing. Not that it matters, really. But it's 32 ft /s ^2 ..... also known as 32 ft per second per second.

If you square the feet instead, I think you wind up with a millipede. Maybe.

And millipedes may rank up there with spiders.

[FlorenceArt]

Squaring feet sounds cool, but I'd rather have more hands, please.

[badgoodDeb]

You and a number of guys I've met .......

oops - did I say that out loud?

[GeoffC]

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

You and a number of guys I've met .......

oops - did I say that out loud?

Well sure, one for holding your beverage, one for whatever snack you're enjoying at the moment, one for the ereader, one for the tv remote, and one for anything else that requires it.

That's what you meant right?

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

Those are totally strange otters, but haven't you ever heard of a pony tail.

Yes! Iʻm wearing one right now. But Iʻm not a funny-looking chocolate cake....

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

hang on a mo.. ....

Passengers, we have passengers on board ?

where ?

no -one told me ... how can I cater for passengers ! ....

.... oh , you mean THEM !

I wrote a long and very funny response to this, and towards the end, I dozed off... in the morning, I noticed I hadn't submitted it. I added a couple final lines and hit "send" -- and MR dumped it because my token had expired. Heck, *I* almost expired at that. I didn't bother to re-type because a) I was gonna be late for work and b) I couldn't remember everything that had seemed to funny the previous night. :-(

That's what I get for not doing the "compose outside, copy, paste, send" routine that I normally do. It was awesome. It was hilarious. It would have gained me instant notariety and probably extraterrestrial recognition. Oh well.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

I hope I have some talking parts. I didn't sign up for just walk-ons and growls. You know you have competition with another thread that has a talking doggie, right?

Dubya Dee (E).

Actually, funny you should ask. You DID have speaking lines in that dead reply. I can't remember most of what set the scene up, but at some point

"What? What is it? What!? You know I can't read a dog's mind! What is it boy? Did Timmy fall down a well?" (Exit, moi)
You turned to one of the other characters and said "Why does he do that, he knows I can talk..." Hilarity ensued. I think.

I am sorry, I will try to write more lines for you, but I have a hard time writing dialogue for dog. Besides, I pictured you as the strong, silent-except-for-growling-barking-and-ocassionally-biting type.

So, how do you want to be? Besides taller?

Please don't bite me, I'll have to pass the rest of the trip standing up.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Not being the author, I can't add the talking bits. But your white furry head looks so snuggly that I'll give ya a big hug & kiss, WDE! (so long as my own doggie doesn't get too jealous)

WD(E), you can't pass THAT up! It's a dog's life (which is evidently pretty good, based upon most of the dogs I know). I especially like that "snuggling in the lap" thing. Too bad I too big for a lap dog any more.