Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 57

poohbear_nc · 03-02-2010, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

It can depend of the distance between the wire from you and the size of the liquid flow.

Logically you were a short kid with a big....

... bladder!

WT Sharpe · 03-02-2010, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

Didn't the MythBusters prove this was just a myth, that a stream of urin can't conduct electricity because it is not a continuous stream but rather a lot of individual drops?

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

It's a myth. There's a Mythbusters episode on the subject. ...

That must have made for interesting viewing. I don't think I'd want to perform the experiment myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

Having peed on an electric fence in my youth

, I can assure you that the Mythbusters busting that myth is a myth!

I've fantasized of building a low-power electric grid into the rug at our house. Every time our pug pees in the house, I've fantasized about this. Laying out the rules to him in English doesn't always work. Perhaps if things were explained to him in a language he could understand!

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Sometimes it pays to "look before you leak"!

Ouch! I don't know which is worse—suffering wodin's mishap or hearing that pun!

wodin · 03-02-2010, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Ouch! I don't know which is worse—suffering wodin's mishap or hearing that pun!

I do!

kennyc · 03-02-2010, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

Having peed on an electric fence in my youth

, I can assure you that the Mythbusters busting that myth is a myth!

DUDE!!

I never peed on one, but I did have to touch it and find out.

happy_terd · 03-02-2010, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Sometimes it pays to "look before you leak"!

Lycoming · 03-02-2010, 03:03 PM

You never hear about ladies peeing on electric fences, why is that?

This image is from the The Seattle Weekly Blogs

What are the scissors for?

pilotbob · 03-02-2010, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

You never hear about ladies peeing on electric fences, why is that?

This image is from the The Seattle Weekly Blogs

What are the scissors for?

No peeing on the rope or we will cut "it" off?

BOb

pshrynk · 03-02-2010, 03:56 PM

The Darwin Awards homepage categorically states that urinating on a live electic wire is not considered a Darwin offense...

happy_terd · 03-02-2010, 05:29 PM

That's shocking.

poohbear_nc · 03-02-2010, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy_terd

That's shocking.

So zip your fly now - you won't get a prize!

yvanleterrible · 03-03-2010, 04:49 PM

Breaking news

A small airplane, Cessna type misses its landing and crashes into a cemetary. Three days later authorities say the death count is at 886. They don't know for sure how many casualties to expect, cause they're still diggin'....

kennyc · 03-03-2010, 04:57 PM

Ha!

.

ShortNCuddlyAm · 03-03-2010, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Breaking news

A small airplane, Cessna type misses its landing and crashes into a cemetary. Three days later authorities say the death count is at 886. They don't know for sure how many they expect cause they're still diggin'....

Lycoming · 03-04-2010, 03:44 PM

Ole, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , takes a
lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he
could manage, he took himself to the doctor . He said
'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next
veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a virgin - in every
vay'.

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy
in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should
be okay next week.. He took four tongue depressors and
formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all
together . ..quite an impressive work of art.

Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go
on their honeymoon to Duluth ...
That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her
blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said,
'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen
deez.'

Ole immediately drops his pants and replies,
'Look at dis, ....still in da CRATE!

LCF · 03-04-2010, 06:20 PM

Not new, but I laugh every time when I read this Joke:

Quote:

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(Editor's Note: I recevied a series of emails in July 2008 that indicated the above statement was an urban myth. To see a list of Qantas crashes compiled by Ken Sanford, please click here.)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in latitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Checked multiple times on the ground - latitude stable.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME* volume unbelievably loud. *Distance measuring equipment
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF* inoperative. *Identification friend or foe
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Engine number 3387726637b missing on left wing.
S: Engine number 3387726637b found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

03-02-2010, 03:03 PM	#846
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	You never hear about ladies peeing on electric fences, why is that? This image is from the The Seattle Weekly Blogs What are the scissors for? Last edited by Lycoming; 03-02-2010 at 03:17 PM.

03-03-2010, 04:49 PM	#851
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Breaking news A small airplane, Cessna type misses its landing and crashes into a cemetary. Three days later authorities say the death count is at 886. They don't know for sure how many casualties to expect, cause they're still diggin'.... Last edited by yvanleterrible; 03-03-2010 at 06:55 PM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

03-02-2010, 03:56 PM	#848
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	The Darwin Awards homepage categorically states that urinating on a live electic wire is not considered a Darwin offense...

03-02-2010, 05:29 PM	#849
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	That's shocking.

03-03-2010, 04:57 PM	#852
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Ha! .

03-04-2010, 03:44 PM	#854
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Ole, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor . He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a virgin - in every vay'. The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . ..quite an impressive work of art. Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth ... That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.' Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, ....still in da CRATE!