Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 56

Lycoming · 02-26-2010, 07:36 AM

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

columbus · 02-26-2010, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

LOVL

Javed · 03-01-2010, 06:40 AM

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.

Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities.

Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information.

Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.

Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.

Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it.

David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again.

X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting.

Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

ShortNCuddlyAm · 03-02-2010, 07:13 AM

In honour of doughnut day, an old joke that I think I've posted here before...

How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
Wi' jam in.

What did he say when he brought doughnuts back for the rest of the band?
I hope you like jam in too.

kennyc · 03-02-2010, 07:38 AM

OMG!!

Lycoming · 03-02-2010, 11:26 AM

Sometimes you have to chuckle at other's misfortune. From the Daily Telegraph, today's date.

Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch, Dave Pimentel, the Grays Harbor County sheriff's deputy, told KXRO-AM radio on Monday.
However, family members found 50-year-old Messenger electrocuted when they arrived.

Mr Pimentel said Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn't see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.
Mr Pimentel said there would be an autopsy, but burn marks indicated the way the electricity travelled through Messenger's body.

Apart from 12000 volts, what else went through his mind as he stood there?

poohbear_nc · 03-02-2010, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Sometimes you have to chuckle at other's misfortune. From the Daily Telegraph, today's date.

Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch, Dave Pimentel, the Grays Harbor County sheriff's deputy, told KXRO-AM radio on Monday.
However, family members found 50-year-old Messenger electrocuted when they arrived.

Mr Pimentel said Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn't see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.
Mr Pimentel said there would be an autopsy, but burn marks indicated the way the electricity travelled through Messenger's body.

Apart from 12000 volts, what else went through his mind as he stood there?

This should qualify him for a Darwin Award.

Lady Blue · 03-02-2010, 11:35 AM

Posthumously, of course.

happy_terd · 03-02-2010, 11:53 AM

Ya cant blame the guy too much though. I would also probably relieve myself if I had just got in a car wreck and hadnt done so in transit.

WT Sharpe · 03-02-2010, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Sometimes you have to chuckle at other's misfortune. From the Daily Telegraph, today's date. ...

That's tragic, but you're right. I just had to laugh.

Even though I didn't see the photograph.

Quote:

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

This should qualify him for a Darwin Award.

Definitely a winner!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Blue

Posthumously, of course.

That's the only way to win, Your Blueness!

From the Rules page of the Darwin Awards website:

"Nominees significantly improve the gene pool by eliminating themselves from the human race in an obviously stupid way. They are self-selected examples of the dangers inherent in a lack of common sense, and all human races, cultures, and socioeconomic groups are eligible to compete."

poohbear_nc · 03-02-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy_terd

Ya cant blame the guy too much though. I would also probably relieve myself if I had just got in a car wreck and hadnt done so in transit.

Sometimes it pays to "look before you leak"!

mores · 03-02-2010, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch, Dave Pimentel, the Grays Harbor County sheriff's deputy, told KXRO-AM radio on Monday.
However, family members found 50-year-old Messenger electrocuted when they arrived.

Mr Pimentel said Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn't see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.
Mr Pimentel said there would be an autopsy, but burn marks indicated the way the electricity travelled through Messenger's body.

Didn't the MythBusters prove this was just a myth, that a stream of urin can't conduct electricity because it is not a continuous stream but rather a lot of individual drops?

yvanleterrible · 03-02-2010, 12:33 PM

It's a myth. There's a Mythbusters episode on the subject.

It can't happen for multiple reasons, the first one that at human height a jet of liquid disperses into big separating drops that will not allow enough contact to conduct electricity.
It is possible the man walked into water on the ground.

wodin · 03-02-2010, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

It's a myth. There's a Mythbusters episode on the subject.

It can't happen for multiple reasons, the first one that at human height a jet of liquid disperses into big separating drops that will not allow enough contact to conduct electricity.
It is possible the man walked into water on the ground.

Having peed on an electric fence in my youth

, I can assure you that the Mythbusters busting that myth is a myth!

yvanleterrible · 03-02-2010, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

Having peed on an electric fence in my youth

, I can assure you that the Mythbusters busting that myth is a myth!

It can depend of the distance between the wire from you and the size of the liquid flow.

Logically you were a short kid with a big....

... bladder!

03-01-2010, 06:40 AM	#828
Javed Grand Sorcerer Posts: 10,270 Karma: 1126878541 Join Date: Oct 2009 Device: Astak Pocket PRO, iPod Touch, PRS-650	Famous Computer Viruses Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte. Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there. Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week. Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities. Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information. Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results. Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs. Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it. David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again. X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting. Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

02-26-2010, 07:36 AM	#826
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor. Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door.

03-02-2010, 07:13 AM	#829
ShortNCuddlyAm WWHALD Posts: 7,879 Karma: 337114 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here	In honour of doughnut day, an old joke that I think I've posted here before... How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi' jam in. What did he say when he brought doughnuts back for the rest of the band? I hope you like jam in too.

03-02-2010, 07:38 AM	#830
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	OMG!!

03-02-2010, 11:26 AM	#831
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Sometimes you have to chuckle at other's misfortune. From the Daily Telegraph, today's date. Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch, Dave Pimentel, the Grays Harbor County sheriff's deputy, told KXRO-AM radio on Monday. However, family members found 50-year-old Messenger electrocuted when they arrived. Mr Pimentel said Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn't see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body. Mr Pimentel said there would be an autopsy, but burn marks indicated the way the electricity travelled through Messenger's body. Apart from 12000 volts, what else went through his mind as he stood there?

03-02-2010, 11:35 AM	#833
Lady Blue the snarky blue one Posts: 6,001 Karma: 3877825 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: deep in the heart Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"	Posthumously, of course.

03-02-2010, 11:53 AM	#834
happy_terd Banned Posts: 13,045 Karma: 10105011 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Finally made it to Walmart. Device: PRS 420	Ya cant blame the guy too much though. I would also probably relieve myself if I had just got in a car wreck and hadnt done so in transit.

03-02-2010, 12:33 PM	#838
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	It's a myth. There's a Mythbusters episode on the subject. It can't happen for multiple reasons, the first one that at human height a jet of liquid disperses into big separating drops that will not allow enough contact to conduct electricity. It is possible the man walked into water on the ground.