MobileRead Forums
Register Guidelines E-Books Today's Posts Search

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge
Reload this Page Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

Notices

Reply
Page 46 of 780 « First 42434445 46 47484950 Last »
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-25-2010, 07:54 PM   #676
montsnmags
Grand Sorcerer
montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.montsnmags ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 10,155
Karma: 4632658
Join Date: Nov 2007
Device: none
Quote:
Originally Posted by happy_terd View Post
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
I'm not sure how common the practice is, but certainly in my grandparents' case, and as an option for my Mum (she ain't dead yet), being buried in the same grave is actually available. They just put the first coffin down deep.

Don't you hate people who nitpick jokes, happy_terd?

Cheers,
Marc (Now I'll do the dad-joke about "the dead centre of town" and how people are "dying to get in there").
montsnmags is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2010, 09:23 AM   #677
mores
Guru
mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.mores knows the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow.
 
mores's Avatar
 
Posts: 834
Karma: 102419
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Vienna, Austria
Device: iPhone
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
mores is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2010, 01:06 PM   #678
yvanleterrible
Reborn Paper User
yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
yvanleterrible's Avatar
 
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
Quote:
Originally Posted by mores View Post
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
As long as the lightbulb doesn't get pregnant...
yvanleterrible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2010, 01:14 PM   #679
HarryT
eBook Enthusiast
HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
HarryT's Avatar
 
Posts: 85,547
Karma: 93383099
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by pholy View Post
Ahh, but did the posters have permission from the holder? Where do jokes come from? Reminds me of an Asimov story (I think) about two computer programmers who decided to ask the Multivac (Multiverse?) to investigate... they didn't like the answer...
Yes - short story called "Jokester". It's in lots of anthologies.
HarryT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2010, 04:27 AM   #680
LazyScot
DSil
LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.LazyScot ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
LazyScot's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,201
Karma: 6895096
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hants, UK
Device: Kindle, Cybook
Quote:
Originally Posted by yvanleterrible View Post
That applies to Canada all right. Québec is a different matter though...
Yup. They got French Traditions, American cooking and British Technology....
LazyScot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2010, 10:07 AM   #681
WT Sharpe
Bah, humbug!
WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.WT Sharpe ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
WT Sharpe's Avatar
 
Posts: 39,072
Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryT View Post
Yes - short story called "Jokester". It's in lots of anthologies.
The Multivac appeared in several of Asimov's stories. It seems to have been his all-purpose term for the ultimate super-computer. It was the star of "The Last Question," one of my all-time favorite Asimov stories. In that story, rather than not liking the answer, the people who first asked the question never got their answer because it took the Multivac literally eons to arrive at it.
WT Sharpe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2010, 01:40 PM   #682
wodin
Illiterate
wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wodin ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
wodin's Avatar
 
Posts: 10,279
Karma: 37848716
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Sandwich Isles
Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro
Quote:
Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
The Multivac appeared in several of Asimov's stories. It seems to have been his all-purpose term for the ultimate super-computer. It was the star of "The Last Question," one of my all-time favorite Asimov stories. In that story, rather than not liking the answer, the people who first asked the question never got their answer because it took the Multivac literally eons to arrive at it.
---
42?
---
wodin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 07:35 AM   #683
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
vivaldirules's Avatar
 
Posts: 10,059
Karma: 13675475
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Houston, TX, US
Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad
Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"
vivaldirules is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 07:39 AM   #684
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.vivaldirules ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
vivaldirules's Avatar
 
Posts: 10,059
Karma: 13675475
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Houston, TX, US
Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad
One from Jay Leno's monologue a week ago:

"You'll all know that there are legal brothels in the state of Nevada. And you may have heard that there is now one legally registered male prostitute there. Well, ladies, we've checked out the prices and we're here to tell you what you can get for your money. For $50, this young man will sit and talk dirty to you. For $100, he'll have sex with you. And for $200, he will listen to you."
vivaldirules is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 10:59 AM   #685
yvanleterrible
Reborn Paper User
yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.yvanleterrible ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
yvanleterrible's Avatar
 
Posts: 8,616
Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
Quote:
Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"
You shouldn't let someone talk to you like that.
yvanleterrible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 03:08 PM   #686
happy_terd
Banned
happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.happy_terd ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 13,045
Karma: 10105011
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Finally made it to Walmart.
Device: PRS 420
How did captain hook die?


jock itch


If Milli Vanilli fall in the woods, does someone else make a sound?
Last edited by happy_terd; 01-28-2010 at 03:10 PM.
happy_terd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 03:59 PM   #687
Sparrow
Wizard
Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Sparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 4,395
Karma: 1358132
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: UK
Device: Palm TX, CyBook Gen3
Quote:
Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"

Reminds me of a story about an old English music hall star, Marie Lloyd - she had a comic song with the line 'She sits among the cabbages and leeks', but the theatre manger thought it was too ribald and asked her to change it; so she did - to 'She sits among the cabbages and peas.'
Sparrow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 04:45 PM   #688
ShortNCuddlyAm
WWHALD
ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ShortNCuddlyAm ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
ShortNCuddlyAm's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,879
Karma: 337114
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK
Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here
Husband and wife on their wedding night.
Wife says to husband: "I'm afraid I've kept something from you. I used to be a hooker"
The husband is a bit taken aback but says "OK, well - the past is past. And, well" and he looks a bit embarrassed, "I actually find the thought quite, um, arousing. Tell me more"
The wife takes a deep breath and says "OK. I used to be called Nigel and I played for Wigan"
ShortNCuddlyAm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 04:48 PM   #689
pshrynk
Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pshrynk ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
pshrynk's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,726
Karma: 8255450
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox
Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShortNCuddlyAm View Post
Husband and wife on their wedding night.
Wife says to husband: "I'm afraid I've kept something from you. I used to be a hooker"
The husband is a bit taken aback but says "OK, well - the past is past. And, well" and he looks a bit embarrassed, "I actually find the thought quite, um, arousing. Tell me more"
The wife takes a deep breath and says "OK. I used to be called Nigel and I played for Wigan"
pshrynk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2010, 04:48 PM   #690
badgoodDeb
Grand Sorcerer
badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.badgoodDeb ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
badgoodDeb's Avatar
 
Posts: 8,550
Karma: 64462893
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Harrisburg outskirts
Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1
(for us across the sea, is Wigan a know team of some sport?)
badgoodDeb is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 46 of 780 « First 42434445 46 47484950 Last »

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library? danwdoo Calibre 8 12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-) Gedvondur Introduce Yourself 12 07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? rlsamson Barnes & Noble NOOK 3 06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released Alexander Turcic Reading and Management 2 02-20-2006 03:47 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:20 AM.

Contact Us - FAQ - Guidelines - Privacy - Top

MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.