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Old 01-25-2010, 07:54 PM   #676
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Originally Posted by happy_terd View Post
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
I'm not sure how common the practice is, but certainly in my grandparents' case, and as an option for my Mum (she ain't dead yet), being buried in the same grave is actually available. They just put the first coffin down deep.

Don't you hate people who nitpick jokes, happy_terd?

Cheers,
Marc (Now I'll do the dad-joke about "the dead centre of town" and how people are "dying to get in there").
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Old 01-26-2010, 09:23 AM   #677
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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:06 PM   #678
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Quote:
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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
As long as the lightbulb doesn't get pregnant...
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:14 PM   #679
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Ahh, but did the posters have permission from the holder? Where do jokes come from? Reminds me of an Asimov story (I think) about two computer programmers who decided to ask the Multivac (Multiverse?) to investigate... they didn't like the answer...
Yes - short story called "Jokester". It's in lots of anthologies.
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Old 01-27-2010, 04:27 AM   #680
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That applies to Canada all right. Québec is a different matter though...
Yup. They got French Traditions, American cooking and British Technology....
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:07 AM   #681
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarryT View Post
Yes - short story called "Jokester". It's in lots of anthologies.
The Multivac appeared in several of Asimov's stories. It seems to have been his all-purpose term for the ultimate super-computer. It was the star of "The Last Question," one of my all-time favorite Asimov stories. In that story, rather than not liking the answer, the people who first asked the question never got their answer because it took the Multivac literally eons to arrive at it.
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Old 01-27-2010, 01:40 PM   #682
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The Multivac appeared in several of Asimov's stories. It seems to have been his all-purpose term for the ultimate super-computer. It was the star of "The Last Question," one of my all-time favorite Asimov stories. In that story, rather than not liking the answer, the people who first asked the question never got their answer because it took the Multivac literally eons to arrive at it.
---
42?
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Old 01-28-2010, 07:35 AM   #683
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Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"
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Old 01-28-2010, 07:39 AM   #684
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One from Jay Leno's monologue a week ago:

"You'll all know that there are legal brothels in the state of Nevada. And you may have heard that there is now one legally registered male prostitute there. Well, ladies, we've checked out the prices and we're here to tell you what you can get for your money. For $50, this young man will sit and talk dirty to you. For $100, he'll have sex with you. And for $200, he will listen to you."
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Old 01-28-2010, 10:59 AM   #685
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"
You shouldn't let someone talk to you like that.
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Old 01-28-2010, 03:08 PM   #686
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Old 01-28-2010, 03:59 PM   #687
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
Told to me, for some reason, by a friend. Hey, it's not my joke.

Redneck using European in a sentence: "Get out of here, dog. I don't know if you know it or not but European on my best flower bed!"

Reminds me of a story about an old English music hall star, Marie Lloyd - she had a comic song with the line 'She sits among the cabbages and leeks', but the theatre manger thought it was too ribald and asked her to change it; so she did - to 'She sits among the cabbages and peas.'
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:45 PM   #688
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Husband and wife on their wedding night.
Wife says to husband: "I'm afraid I've kept something from you. I used to be a hooker"
The husband is a bit taken aback but says "OK, well - the past is past. And, well" and he looks a bit embarrassed, "I actually find the thought quite, um, arousing. Tell me more"
The wife takes a deep breath and says "OK. I used to be called Nigel and I played for Wigan"
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:48 PM   #689
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShortNCuddlyAm View Post
Husband and wife on their wedding night.
Wife says to husband: "I'm afraid I've kept something from you. I used to be a hooker"
The husband is a bit taken aback but says "OK, well - the past is past. And, well" and he looks a bit embarrassed, "I actually find the thought quite, um, arousing. Tell me more"
The wife takes a deep breath and says "OK. I used to be called Nigel and I played for Wigan"
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:48 PM   #690
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(for us across the sea, is Wigan a know team of some sport?)
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