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Old 12-23-2008, 08:32 PM   #31
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Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.

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Old 12-23-2008, 09:42 PM   #32
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I know it's not quite time yet but I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas and I thought I'd share with you this beautiful photo of the snowy white mountains of Colorado. Ooops! Wrong image. Wait a minute.
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Old 12-24-2008, 09:27 AM   #33
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I'm sure there are some majestic peaks in that photo somewhere.
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Old 12-24-2008, 09:40 AM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pshrynk View Post
I'm sure there are some majestic peaks in that photo somewhere.
Certainly there's no doubt some deep valleys where angels fear to...well, do pretty much anything.

Cheers,
Marc
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:18 AM   #35
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It's that time of year again... lets beat some life into this old thread!

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
Last edited by Slite; 12-03-2009 at 05:32 AM.
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:42 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
Can the jokes be about winter as well as Christmas?

Cos if they can I could tell the joke about the guy who saw a yellow patch in the snow on his front lawn. On closer inspection he realised there was a man's name written in the middle.
Pointing it out to his neighbour he said; "Look at that! I'll kill him when I lay my hands on him."
"Calm down, you were young once - are you telling me you never wrote your name in the snow after a few pints?"
"It's not that - that's my wife's handwriting!"

But if they have to be about Christmas I'll tell it on another occasion.
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:43 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivaldirules View Post
I know it's not quite time yet but I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas and I thought I'd share with you this beautiful photo of the snowy white mountains of Colorado. Ooops! Wrong image. Wait a minute.


Thanks Doggie!
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:50 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nohmi2 View Post
Christmas Carols For The Psychiatrically Challenged

...
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:56 AM   #39
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Don't eat yellow snow!
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Old 12-03-2009, 06:46 AM   #40
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Click image for larger version Name: santa_2.GIF Views: 367 Size: 27.7 KB ID: 40639

Click image for larger version Name: santa.jpg Views: 366 Size: 50.0 KB ID: 40640
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Old 12-03-2009, 07:30 AM   #41
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Has anybody done the 'Santa had a big red sack' joke yet?. Crap. I gave away the punchline
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:40 AM   #42
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What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
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Old 12-04-2009, 08:03 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slite View Post
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
THWACKKK!!!
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Old 12-04-2009, 09:56 AM   #44
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ZOMBIE WONDERLAND
Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”

Undead moan, are you listening?
In the lane, blood is glistening.
A horrible sight,
We’re screaming tonight,
Runnin’ through a Zombie wonderland.

Already turned, is our neighbor!
Zombies here, I belabor.
They moan their own song,
As we scream along,
Sprintin’ through a Zombie wonderland.

In the meadow, we can beg for mercy.
They’ve already eaten Parson Brown.
They’ll come for us next,
And we’ll say, “No man!”
We’re getting’ the hell
Out of this town.
Later on, we’ll perspire,
As we scream, by the fire.
I’ll say we’re afraid
Of the Zombies they’ve made,
Runnin’ through a Zombie wonderland.
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Old 12-04-2009, 10:09 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieGal View Post
Falalala! Take the top off while it's blending, and you will deck the halls!
Once upon a time, at a certain high school whose name I won't mention, there was a coach named "Holley".

I won't tell you what Christmas song was sung, nor how the lyrics of that song were butchered by the kids in that school each and every holiday season.
Last edited by WT Sharpe; 12-04-2009 at 08:04 PM.
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