Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 38

Lycoming · 11-15-2009, 06:54 AM

http://i714.photobucket.com/albums/w...09/cavemen.jpg

Warning: Strong adult content in link! (pshrynk)

WT Sharpe · 11-15-2009, 07:34 AM

That's completely warped! You are going to get so busted by the ladies here at MobileRead Forums!

Lycoming · 11-15-2009, 08:59 AM

Well the USMC loved it.

There are ladies on here?

rebarnmom · 11-16-2009, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

There are ladies on here?

Yes there are! Consider yourself "busted"!

BTW, I've actually enjoyed quite a few of your other jokes.

Lycoming · 11-16-2009, 04:04 PM

A busted flush, as they say.... try this.

The Preacher(s) & the Bear

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of a very large college campus that shall remain unnamed. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop".

One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a 7 day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it. It's now 7 days later and they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first.

"Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip.

In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers ....you KNOW that we don't sprinkle........WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another untill we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word."

They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.

The rabbi looks up and says "Oy! You don't know what tough is...........until you try to circumcise one of those creatures."

kennyc · 11-16-2009, 04:15 PM

pshrynk · 11-16-2009, 04:18 PM

I editied the joke above but left the link to the image. Be warned that it is not a politically correct image in any sense of the word.

Let's try to keep it at least something that my mom would not be shocked by. (And it takes a lot to shock her, btw, so that's not a really tight standard...)

rebarnmom · 11-21-2009, 08:47 PM

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

pilotbob · 11-21-2009, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebarnmom

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Funny, and not a bad word in the joke. I shared it with my family.

BOb

WT Sharpe · 11-22-2009, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebarnmom

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

OUCH!

WT Sharpe · 11-22-2009, 08:01 AM

During the Yom Kippur/Ramadan War, an Israeli who had business in Egypt found it necessary to cross the border with his family. At the border, the following conversation ensued:

Egyptian border guard: “Halt! Who goes there?”

Israeli: “My name is Joseph. I have urgent business to attend to in Egypt.”

“Who is the woman with you?”

“My wife, Mary.”

“And what is the name of the child?”

“Jesus.”

After scrutinizing them carefully, the guard said, “Okay, you can pass.”

As soon as they were out of earshot of the guard, the man turned to his wife and said, “I told you it would work! He thought we were Puerto Ricans!”

Note to my Puerto Rican friends (as well as Egyptians, Israelis, and Christians): I love you all, and no harm is intended, but this joke always made me smile!

devilsadvocate · 11-23-2009, 04:01 AM

Ray & Bubba were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba,
'but we don't have a ladder.'

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts,
and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her
pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,'
and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman!
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'

Bubba and Ray are currently working for the government....

Lycoming · 11-23-2009, 07:09 AM

Q. What do you get if you mix PMT with GPS?

Answer.

A crazy woman who WILL find you.

Lady Blue · 11-23-2009, 07:22 AM

Q.: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

A.: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

Mobile Mason · 11-23-2009, 07:24 AM

Q: What's the Jews ultimate dilemma?
A: Half-priced pork.

note: I had a rabbi tell me this joke, so don't be stupid...

11-15-2009, 06:54 AM	#556
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	http://i714.photobucket.com/albums/w...09/cavemen.jpg Warning: Strong adult content in link! (pshrynk) Last edited by pshrynk; 11-16-2009 at 05:02 PM. Reason: I'm sorry, that one jumped right over the edge and out over the abyss...

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11-15-2009, 07:34 AM	#557
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	That's completely warped! You are going to get so busted by the ladies here at MobileRead Forums!

11-15-2009, 08:59 AM	#558
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Well the USMC loved it. There are ladies on here?

11-16-2009, 04:04 PM	#560
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A busted flush, as they say.... try this. The Preacher(s) & the Bear A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of a very large college campus that shall remain unnamed. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop". One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a 7 day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it. It's now 7 days later and they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brouge, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation." Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers ....you KNOW that we don't sprinkle........WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another untill we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word." They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The rabbi looks up and says "Oy! You don't know what tough is...........until you try to circumcise one of those creatures."

11-16-2009, 04:15 PM	#561
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire

11-16-2009, 04:18 PM	#562
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	I editied the joke above but left the link to the image. Be warned that it is not a politically correct image in any sense of the word. Let's try to keep it at least something that my mom would not be shocked by. (And it takes a lot to shock her, btw, so that's not a really tight standard...)

11-21-2009, 08:47 PM	#563
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 4525055 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

11-22-2009, 08:01 AM	#566
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	During the Yom Kippur/Ramadan War, an Israeli who had business in Egypt found it necessary to cross the border with his family. At the border, the following conversation ensued: Egyptian border guard: “Halt! Who goes there?” Israeli: “My name is Joseph. I have urgent business to attend to in Egypt.” “Who is the woman with you?” “My wife, Mary.” “And what is the name of the child?” “Jesus.” After scrutinizing them carefully, the guard said, “Okay, you can pass.” As soon as they were out of earshot of the guard, the man turned to his wife and said, “I told you it would work! He thought we were Puerto Ricans!” Note to my Puerto Rican friends (as well as Egyptians, Israelis, and Christians): I love you all, and no harm is intended, but this joke always made me smile!

11-23-2009, 04:01 AM	#567
devilsadvocate Complicated Warlock Posts: 677 Karma: 160970 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Madiganistan Device: HP Mini 1101, Droid X rooted, GTab rooted/VEGAnTAB Ginger Edition/CM7	Ray & Bubba were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'but we don't have a ladder.' The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away. Ray shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Bubba and Ray are currently working for the government....

11-23-2009, 07:09 AM	#568
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Q. What do you get if you mix PMT with GPS? Answer. A crazy woman who WILL find you.

11-23-2009, 07:22 AM	#569
Lady Blue the snarky blue one Posts: 6,001 Karma: 3877825 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: deep in the heart Device: PRS500, 505 & 600, PRST1 & T2, Kindle PW, Moto Razr, Galaxy Tab 2-10"	Q.: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? A.: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

11-23-2009, 07:24 AM	#570
Mobile Mason Resident Anglophile Posts: 76 Karma: 460 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Ohio, United States Device: Kindle 2	Q: What's the Jews ultimate dilemma? A: Half-priced pork. note: I had a rabbi tell me this joke, so don't be stupid...