Short Story Feedback Requested

danwdoo · 09-01-2009, 09:30 PM

Hello,
I'm posting a short SF story I wrote sometime back and would like to get some honest feedback on it. I've recently updated it, but I would like to get a reality check on it and the writing. It's nothing heavy, so please don't expect anything "hard". It's approximately 10k words in length.

I've posted it in several formats that I converted using Calibre to hopefully make things convenient.

Thanks in advance!

Patricia · 09-01-2009, 10:22 PM

I rather like the pace; the dialogue is ok too. But the story needs more proofreading. There are some small errors from the early pages below.

Quote:

"You know I've told you know to do that," Ben complained.

"not"?

Quote:

The captain was wearing a dark gray jumpsuit that complimented her neat, trim figure

.
"complemented"

Quote:

Slink was worse than most harbin's at being a harbin.

Plurals don't need an apostrophe.

Quote:

"I hate to install it on the fly, but the current builds are so outdated that were as likely to shoot ourselves as anyone else."

they?

Quote:

Someday, someone was going to have to set the woman strait.

straight.

danwdoo · 09-01-2009, 10:42 PM

*sigh* It's amazing how blind one can become to ones own errors. Thanks for the eye opener!

09-01-2009, 09:30 PM	#1
danwdoo Groupie Posts: 168 Karma: 2584958 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Texas Device: Kindle PW2	Short Story Feedback Requested Hello, I'm posting a short SF story I wrote sometime back and would like to get some honest feedback on it. I've recently updated it, but I would like to get a reality check on it and the writing. It's nothing heavy, so please don't expect anything "hard". It's approximately 10k words in length. I've posted it in several formats that I converted using Calibre to hopefully make things convenient. Thanks in advance! Last edited by danwdoo; 10-15-2009 at 09:58 PM.

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09-01-2009, 10:42 PM	#3
danwdoo Groupie Posts: 168 Karma: 2584958 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Texas Device: Kindle PW2	sigh It's amazing how blind one can become to ones own errors. Thanks for the eye opener!