The Vent and Rant Thread

[kazbates]

Patricia's comments about food additives reminded me of a conversation I had with a parent of a child in my class one year. Her child had a food allergy which drastically affected his activity level and focus in school. I can't recall exactly what the food group was, but for some reason wheat comes to mind. It was one of the questions I had for Ryleigh's pediatrician, as we determine whether she suffers from ADD (at this point, we're working on the assumption that she has a mild case of ADD and doesn't need medication, thank goodness). Perhaps monitoring your daughter's food to see if anything causes her to be more active in the evenings. Indeed, articles I've read in some of the teaching journals point to food additives as contributions to hyperactivity.

I do also have to say that I was one of those kids who rarely need a full 8 hours of sleep. It used to drive my mom crazy because she was BIG on sleeping.

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by PieOPah

I know how difficult it can be at times and how easy it is to snap at your children - I do it more often than I like and I feel guilty about it - I just don't seem to stop!

There were 3 stages to our method.

Stage One - First Offence
Pick child up and nicely tell them that they should be in bed as it is bedtime and put back in bed

Stage Two - Second Offence
Pick up child - say "Bed" (not angrily, always need to stay calm) and put child back in bed

Stage Three - Third and subsequent offences
Pick up child and put back to bed. DO NOT TALK OR RESPOND TO CHILD


Spanking a child for being naughty teaches them the wrong lesson - it means they think it is okay to hit people who are doing something wrong or that they don't like. I am not saying that this is what will happen, just what could happen.
!

Thanks for your suggestions-- I did actually follow that 3 step plan back when all of mine were younger (did I mention that my boys are perfectly fine with the whole "sleeping" thing??) I think I need to perhaps get back to that. Thank you for the reminder! Incidentally wanted to add that I am not a big proponent of spanking at all... I have used it on a few occasions (as a last resort type of thing) and not been happy with myself. I agree that it teaches the wrong lesson, overall. My husband is more in favor of spanking, having been a recipient and believing it to be a fine technique. He, btw, has rarely spanked either. He is just not as against it as I am. I also totally understand the need for consistency, and am quite good at classroom management, and not so consistent when it comes to my own children. Believe me when I tell you, it is *so* much easier to keep a classroom of 31 kids engaged and following instructions than getting my own daughter to sleep. *sigh* But she gets me after I am worn out from said classroom children.

Originally Posted by kazbates

Grace,
When Zack was little, we had all kinds of problems getting him to sleep. Someone suggested this book to me and it worked wonders:
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems
The link is to Barnes and Noble, but I would think you could find it anywhere. It even comes in a digital format. I'm not sure if it will help as Zack was a little younger than 5. Ryleigh went through a phase of Night Terrors when she was in preschool. It was awful. She would wake up screaming and was almost inconsolable. We took her to the pediatrician but was told to follow a bedtime routine that did not include television or anything stimulating. We followed their advice but it took almost 2 years for her to finally get to the point where she only woke up once a night. She's 8 1/2 now and she still wakes up once a night to use the bathroom. She won't go alone, so I get up with her (she doesn't want anyone but "the curly haired lady" . It's been difficult; but, thankfully, I don't work so I can rest during the day, although, I've never been much of a sleeper. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and hope your daughter settles a little as she gets older.

Thanks for the book recommendation, kaz My oldest son actually had night terrors for a brief period of time (thankfully!) when he was much younger. I canʻt imagine going through it for longer than that. Thanks for the finger crossing-- I hope it will help!

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Grace, perhaps that you might also have to face the fact that your child might be one of a million lucky people that does not need sleep as much as the rest of us. My son needed no more than 5 hours. He used to sneak up and play until he felt the need to crash. You do have to curb their habits though, and the way to do it is to force them up in the morning, it's a pain but it works.
My son still sleeps no more than 6 hours.

Wow- 6 hours! This thought had crossed my mind briefly... I think she really takes after her daddy, and is a total night owl. Daddy went to bed last night (this morning) at 4. I think his regular hours would be from about 3am to noon for sleeping if he could pick. I think hers would be from midnight to about 8. Unfortunately, she is hell to get up at 6:30 when we need to get ready to leave.

Originally Posted by Patricia

I'm thinking that perhaps her father might have the job of putting the child to bed, (at least for a while) since this is clearly so stressful for you, Grace. If the little one does have a manipulative streak then she can almost certainly sense your stress and play on it.

I sense, from your mentions of the lights as being "Daddy's idea" that you may not be entirely agreed on a strategy. Well, let him have a go, and take some weight off your shoulders.

Also, I think that you need to get your aims clear.
I personally would be inclined to tolerate the child is reading quietly in her bed, so long as she doesn't demand attention from everyone else. Perhaps she just gets very bored on her own. Or, as Yvan suggests, she may only need a few hours' sleep.
If she reads herself to sleep is it such a big deal? It might be easier to impose a "go to bed and stay there" routine if she is allowed to read quietly.

Obviously, you should make sure that the child has no cola or caffeinated drinks after about 4pm. You might also want to put all toys away and turn the television off, so that it is boring downstairs. This would help encourage her to climb the wooden hill to her room, where she can at least read quietly for an hour.

A neighbour's child used to be rather hyper after foods and drinks with some additives, especially food colourings. For some reason, a bag of those corn-based snacks, or potato chips would invariably lead to hours of hyperactivity. This might be worth researching.

Good luck.

Patricia, thank you. You have made a lot of good points here. I donʻt allow my kids any caffeinated drinks, but they do have foods with additives more than I would like. At one point, we did actually decide that her reading in bed was ok as long as she stayed in there and put herself to sleep. After all, that is what I do! But the difficulty comes when she is impossible to awaken in the morning for school. Maybe I can have some compromise... lights can stay on until such and such a time, then they go off, in hopes that she will manage to get to sleep by that time anyway, on a nightly basis. My dream is that daddy does take care of all bedtime routines, but his hours are so inconsistent (not to mention he often goes to work late - because of his nighttime owl tendencies and he has that flexibility - so he must stay later) and he is frequently not home until 9 or 10 at night. You were exactly right about the inconsistency between our (daddy and my) "rules" for bedtime. We donʻt always agree on what should be done, and sometimes one of us (more often he) will make an exception out of frustration. I believe this does way more harm than good, in the long run. She knows we are inconsistent, and she is one smart cookie.


Thank you all who responded. I get unreasonably frustrated at nighttimes. Since I do work a full schedule, and I am the one responsible for getting kids up, dressed, to school, then working with other peopleʻs kids all day long, attending zillions of meetings (including any for the classes I am taking outside of work) taking my own kids to whatever activities are on that day, then feeding them at home, then putting them to bed, I find my patience lasts only until the last child is put to bed. Once that child is in bed, my expectation is that he or she STAYS there (sounds reasonable, yes??) and I get incredibly frustrated and lacking in patience if it doesnʻt happen that way. I am quite reasonable before that time, but after that, itʻs my precious few hours to get whatever I need to get done, and to just have a little "me" time. Dealing with a child after that time on a daily basis (I am quite compassionate if my children are ill or have nightmares or whatnot!) puts me past the brink.

Itʻs so ironic- I regularly get compliments at how "amazing" I am, raising my three well-behaved and smart children, working full-time, etc, etc, and others have said they really look up to me. Moms who think I have everything completely under control. I am definitely blessed, but it is strange to me that no one can see just how close to the brink of insanity I feel I might feel at times. And certainly people have worked full-time and had more children than me! I sometimes bemoan the loss of those days when a village truly did raise the children. And Iʻm jealous of those people I know who have some assistance from someone- whether it be a spouse or other family members. I am lucky in that I do have a spouse, who can, very occasionally, lend a hand, but I do feel like itʻs all me, all the time. And that gets overwhelming. I love my job (and we need money anyway), and taking classes when I can, and those things really help fulfill me, but it just seems like 2 more than full-time jobs at once. I think this is sort of a reflection on society today- there is less communal assistance given, and much more isolation, and other mothers, who are probably feeling the same as I do, donʻt share what they are going through. I remember an episode in the first season of Desperate Housewives, where Lynette (sahm of 4, 5? young kids) goes a little nuts. When her friends gather around her and they all talk, she realizes they all have those feelings that sheʻs having, they all have issues. She had thought it was just she who felt that way and felt she couldnʻt handle having kids. She is, by this point, crying and saying "why donʻt we share these things? why didnʻt I know?" And I think that is a brilliant commentary on motherhood today.

And now I will probably get booted from this site for being a ridiculously long-winded, rambling poster. My apologies!! I think I just turned this into a journal entry. Iʻm just going to back out slowly....

OH, and my "vent" since that is what this thread is: my library has too many great books on overdrive and none of them are on PDF or ePUB!!

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

Answer: defenestration (don't forget to aim for The SHUMS)

i like the way you think, vr.

Originally Posted by Sweetpea

I get the feeling some people are missing part of their basic education...

clearly i need to do some brushing up. i don't know how it's possible i could have forgotten that so completely.

Originally Posted by Laz116

I have, I truly have.

But word is that damnation is eternal for sinners like me.

please tell me what exactly you did, so i can avoid doing it (unless it's too late...) because i don't want to have the same punishment !

[pilotbob]

Grace Kirspy,

Be happy the don't want to sleep all day... when they are teenagers you'd wish the lazy bums would get out of bed rather than sleeping 12 hours a day... and those twelve hours they sleep are usually 4AM to 4PM.... and they want to eat on there own schedule, making them self something... god forbid they wait for the family meal time.

Oh... and then they leave all their plates/glasses/other stuff every where in the house and complain when you try to tidy up a bit cause you don't like that stuff all over the floor in your living room..

Wait... is this the rant thread..? oh yea... phew!!!

BOb

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by pilotbob

Grace Kirspy,

Be happy the don't want to sleep all day... when they are teenagers you'd wish the lazy bums would get out of bed rather than sleeping 12 hours a day... and those twelve hours they sleep are usually 4AM to 4PM.... and they want to eat on there own schedule, making them self something... god forbid they wait for the family meal time.

Oh... and then they leave all their plates/glasses/other stuff every where in the house and complain when you try to tidy up a bit cause you don't like that stuff all over the floor in your living room..

Wait... is this the rant thread..? oh yea... phew!!!

BOb

Hmm... I *think* you just described my husband....

[Verencat]

Originally Posted by GraceKrispy

Hmm... I *think* you just described my husband....

Oh, I thought it was me...

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by GraceKrispy

Hmm... I *think* you just described my husband....

Hmm... well, teenage, married with children. That's gotta be tough.

BOb

[GraceKrispy]

Originally Posted by pilotbob

Hmm... well, teenage, married with children. That's gotta be tough.

BOb

The benefit is that my teenager brings home a very nice paycheck. And there are, uh, other benefits.

But, apparently, Iʻm married to Vcat!

(incidentally, bedtime worked out perfectly tonight. Go figure.)

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by GraceKrispy

The benefit is that my teenager brings home a very nice paycheck. And there are, uh, other benefits.

But, apparently, Iʻm married to Vcat!

(incidentally, bedtime worked out perfectly tonight. Go figure.)

huh ! - eh ? ! WHAT !!!!!!

[yvanleterrible]

What?!?

You didn't invite your own father?

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

What?!?

You didn't invite your own father?

ungrateful children, eh yvan ?

[lilac_jive]

Kaz, the allergy you described sounds like Celiac (sp?) which is an allergy to gluten. My aunt has it.

[pshrynk]

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I broke my boat! I was attaching the forestay to the pulpit and the turnbuckle broke, then the mast fell backward, then it hit the stern railing, then the mast plate was torn off the deck!


AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

My son and I sat in the cockpit for about an hour, just shaking after we cleaned up the mess. Didn't even get it in the water one time and she's broken! )O&^#%$*&)(*&*&^$#%!!!!!!!!

The Marina guy says he'll get the mast plate fixed by the end of the week. For an undisclosed amount of money...

[Verencat]

OMG!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry for you!!!! I'm so, so sorry!!!!
Are you and you son ok?

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I broke my boat! I was attaching the forestay to the pulpit and the turnbuckle broke, then the mast fell backward, then it hit the stern railing, then the mast plate was torn off the deck!


AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

My son and I sat in the cockpit for about an hour, just shaking after we cleaned up the mess. Didn't even get it in the water one time and she's broken! )O&^#%$*&)(*&*&^$#%!!!!!!!!

The Marina guy says he'll get the mast plate fixed by the end of the week. For an undisclosed amount of money...

oh my god !!! i have no idea what you're talking about, but that's terrible !!! i'm so sorry ! i hope it won't be too expensive to fix. i suppose, if you want to find the silver lining, it's better something like that should happen while you're still in the dock, rather than out in the middle of the water... and the thingie could have fallen on you or your son instead, so in a way you're lucky. right ? well i hope the next time things will go more smoothly. where's that "sympathy and comfort" smiley ? oh yes, here it is :