Unutterably Silly Cat people?

[ahammer]

so lets see from when I started reading here.

. cats are out to get you with there cunning plans.
wiis are out to get you with there cunning plans.
scales are out to get you with there cunning plans and working with the wiis.
maybe I was worng you all are not mad just paranoid.

[zelda_pinwheel]

i'm pretty sure some of us are mad too.

[mtravellerh]

In german, there exists a cat mystery called "Felidae" by Akif Pirinci (sp?) This was a bestseller in Germany. This features a real cat society, where all the cats, in some way, use their user's properties to reach their own goals (there is a feline computer whizz, for example). Does anyone know if that book exist in English?

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by mtravellerh

In german, there exist a cat mystery called "Felidae" by Akif Pirinci (sp?) This was a bestseller in Germany. This features a real cat society, where all the cats, in some way, use their user's properties to reach their own goals (there is a feline computer whizz, for example). Does anyone know if that book exist in English?

i've not heard of it, but apparently it was made into a film, and it does seem to have been translated into english.

also, it got good reviews :

From Publishers Weekly
A clever, offbeat thriller in which the sleuth and most of the other main characters are cats, this first novel by Turkish-born Pirincci, who lives in Bonn, won Germany's prize for best crime novel of the year in 1990. As an allegory on Germany's Nazi past, it is facile and ambivalent. The detective/narrator, Francis, an irrepressibly curious house cat, deduces that whoever is murdering the neighborhood tabbys has a warped mind and is attempting to breed a "super race" of felines. After discovering a fanatical cult of self-flagellating felines who worship a martyred cat, Claudandus, Francis is aided by Pascal, a cat who uses a computer, in unearthing another clue--the journal of a half-mad professor who performed sadistic laboratory experiments on cats. The corpses of countless feline victims are thrown into a catacomb guarded by the Persian cat Jesaja, a pathetic dupe who prays both to Yahweh (god of the Hebrews) and to "our blessed Prophet," the murderer, believing that he is doing the Lord's will. Is Pirincci satirizing monotheistic religion, or the alleged passivity of Jews who believed that Hitler would spare them? Such troubling questions are left unanswered. This fable is most effective as an acerbic commentary on humanity's follies, obtuseness and knack for evil.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
An award-winning crime novel in Germany, this "cat" mystery should appeal to readers of Lilian Braun, Rita Mae Brown, et al. The literate narrator and main character here is one highly intelligent, fascinating, and capable cat. A new resident in an area of refurbished old mansions, Francis discovers the first in a gruesome series of murder victims and, curiosity aroused, determines to trap the murderer. The unaccustomed feline outlook, cat lore, and learned approach result in an absorbing first effort. Recommended.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

now, is it available as an ebook ???

[Mindy]

Our cat poo'd in the bath last night. She's never done that before so we're not sure why. The only thing we can think of is that maybe the younger one was hassling her when she was trying to use the litter tray, and she can't get in the bath. Or maybe she just wants to start using the same room we do.
Could have been worse. At least it was easy to clean up.
/sigh

[Stitchawl]

From; "My Journal"

DAY 752
- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761
- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try
this on their bed.

DAY 762
- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving,
incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765
- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......

DAY 768
- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was
chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.

DAY 771
- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774
- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to
mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.



Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some
outside force - such as the opening of cat food.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason
to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat,
in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap
just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop
that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready
to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to
do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot
in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the
earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times
the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost
of the furniture.



Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to
"Where do pets come from?"
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you
will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or
childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and
will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his
tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.
And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a
reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name,
and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,
"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like
peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught
them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be
with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind
them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy
of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they
were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.



Stitchawl

[Sweetpea]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

ha, cats and computers !<snip>

Laying on the keyboard or mousepad... Or in front of the keyboard or between the keyboard and monitor. Or gnawing on the USB cable sticking out of my PC...

But the best thing on my desk is sitting next to my keyboard (and it's not a cat!). It's the laser spirit level... Once I pick that up (or even move my hand towards it), the ears will point up, the eyes will grow and the cat will make small mewing noises, looking at the floor, with a maniacally wagging tail... He'll look at me, look at the floor, at me, etc, until he hears the click of me turning it on...

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost
of the furniture.

Our furniture must be completely free then...

(the weird part is, they do "stretch out" on the furniture we did get for free...

stretching out = put your nails in the seat and stretch your legs...

[GeoffC]

you are all as a mad as a mad catter ...

[RickyMaveety]

Originally Posted by mtravellerh

Ah, I think cats are more smart then they let appear, you know. My cat, for example, used to lay down right on my keyboard when i tried to work. Worked every time!

I love the Eddie Izzard routine where he talks about the cats planning The Great Escape. How they aren't really purring behind the sofa, they are drilling. And they carry the dirt from their tunnel to the litter box and shake it out of their pants into the litter tray. Leaving the owner to wonder (1) why is the litter tray filling up with dirt, and (2) why are my cats wearing pants??

I believe it ends with Steve McCat getting to Switzerland on a motorcycle.

[krisk]

Originally Posted by mtravellerh

In german, there exists a cat mystery called "Felidae" by Akif Pirinci (sp?) This was a bestseller in Germany. This features a real cat society, where all the cats, in some way, use their user's properties to reach their own goals (there is a feline computer whizz, for example). Does anyone know if that book exist in English?

ohhhhh! I'd love to read that! quick someone stretch their translating skills!