Who pays after the first date if both make about the same money?

[DixieGal]

After 20 yrs, 2 months, and 8 days of marriage, I can honestly say that I would never want to go out romantically with another man if something happened to Tim. (He's my heart and soul.) But, at my age and financial situation, I think it would make me feel sort of shabby to not pay for my share of the entertainment.

What do you girls in my age group (80's hair bands rule!) think about it? Would you feel honored and put on a pedestal or sort of stingy if you let the man pay for a date?

Edit: BTW, I LOVE it when Tim takes me out for a date! Sure, it's paid from the joint account, but what makes it special is that he plans it. Knowing that he cares that much is lots better than money.

[Sparrow]

I don't mind paying for the date - as long she pays for the rest of the fruit, the main course, and the drinks ... oh, and the tip and the taxi ride home too.

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Sparrow

I don't mind paying for the date - as long she pays for the rest of the fruit, the main course, and the drinks ... oh, and the tip and the taxi ride home too.

[sakura-panda]

I don't go on first dates, but if I did, I'd want separate checks. I don't care who does the asking.

(I didn't see an option for that in the poll.)

But I haven't dated for ages and ages and in my world, I don't pay for anything except when the bill comes and hubby isn't there. In that circumstance, I'll take out my credit card and leave it with the bill until either a) hubby comes back or b) the server takes it away.

I married a guy that firmly believes in the man paying and we squabbled over it often during our first dates. (We've always made about the same amount of money.) When we finally established ourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend, I quit arguing and haven't paid for much since.

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by Jaime_Astorga

Might I just point out that the poll seems awfully heteronormative? =P

Yes, but Marc managed to cover his non-hetero world in a very good phrase:

Originally Posted by montsnmags

In my world, the man always pays, no exceptions.

Cheers,
Marc

Great way to answer!

[Andybaby]

it also shows how feminism is still alive and Kicking!

25% think Men should pay for all Dates.
while a Whooping 0% think women should

I don't believe what I'm about to say, but I think its funny.

How can you women think you should make as much money as a man if you don't think you should pay for a date. 33% of people believe a woman should pay less on a date then a man. while only 20% think that they should pay as much as a man on the date.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by Andybaby

...How can you women think you should make as much money as a man if you don't think you should pay for a date. 33% of people believe a woman should pay less on a date then a man. while only 20% think that they should pay as much as a man on the date.

I reckon it's instinctive, because mating has more serious, and long-lasting, implications for females than males, they have to be more cautious; so it is often the males that do the wooing.
I'm reading a Victorian novel, and reached a scene with an elderly spinster looking back over her life, and regretting that nothing came of her one romantic entanglement:
"Such a different life it might have been to both: and now the moment for doing anything had long past, and the two barren existences were alike coming to an end. ... If it had been her own fault, no doubt she would have felt as Mr. Ochterlony did, a kind of tender and not unpleasant remorse; but one is naturally less tolerant and more impatient when one feels that it is not one's own, but another's fault."

The notion that she could have taken the initiative is too ridiculous to contemplate.

[GeoffC]

a gentleman ALWAYS pays....

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

a gentleman ALWAYS pays....

... in the end.

I've had my man check Debretts; and according to the note he's just handed to me on a silver salver, they reckon:

"There is one abiding rule - the person who requests the pleasure, pays for the pleasure. So, as a simple point of etiquette, you should pick up the tab for a lunch, dinner or drinks - whether dating or business lunching - if you have invited the other person."

[GeoffC]

the gentleman still pays

[GlennD]

A gentleman also doesn't insist on forcing a gift (paying for the date) on someone who doesn't want it. He can always offer to pay but if he realizes his date is uncomfortable with always being treated, it can be courteous and gentlemanly to make sure she's happy.

I tend to come down on the "the person who does the inviting does the paying" side. Hasn't been an issue for a while though - date funds come from the joint account nowadays.

[GeoffC]

a gentleman is alway courteous and in tune with their date's moods....

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

a gentleman is alway courteous and in tune with their date's moods....

That's why there are so few of us left....we went broke...

[yvanleterrible]

What's a gentleman?

[no.guru]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

a gentleman is alway courteous and in tune with their date's moods....

No, dating is about getting to know the other person. If you don't know them, there's no way you can be in tune with their moods. As I said before, those in relationships don't "date."