Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 59

Sirtel · 04-30-2026, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. It not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary.

This also goes for many other languages. Estonian language, for example, has borrowed nearly one third of its vocabulary from German and also many words from Russian, Finnish, Swedish and recently from English.

ownedbycats · 04-30-2026, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JSWolf

There is no one English. It started from the English in use in the UK way back when. Then every place evolved their own version from there. Good examples are the US, CA, AU, and UK.

I like how Canadian English infuriates both US and UK English users

DNSB · 05-05-2026, 09:40 PM

Ran into this again...

ownedbycats · 05-07-2026, 05:53 PM

I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards.

It was spam.

DNSB · 05-07-2026, 07:53 PM

I found a spider jumping up and down on my keyboard. They was trying to make a web-site.

DNSB · 05-09-2026, 03:12 AM

I found this rather humorous. YMMV.

DNSB · 05-09-2026, 03:30 AM

Do British websites use biscuits? Inquiring minds would like to know...

PoP · 05-09-2026, 09:01 AM

[QUOTE=DNSB;4584821]I found this rather humorous. YMMV.

Hahaha

Thankfully it was only a vending machine and not an autonomous weapon of some sort!

ownedbycats · 05-09-2026, 12:56 PM

Several years ago, Jim was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all the other inmates.

The warden believed that, deep down, Jim was a decent man. So he arranged for Jim to learn a trade while serving his time.

After about three years, Jim had become one of the best carpenters in the whole county.

Sometimes he was even given a weekend pass to do small jobs for folks around town, and he always returned to the prison by Sunday evening.

Jim was the definition of a model inmate.

One day, the warden decided he wanted to remodel his kitchen, but he didn’t have the skills to build new cabinets and a large countertop.

So he called Jim into his office and asked if he could take on the job.

To the warden’s surprise, Jim immediately refused.

“But you’re an expert, Jim, and I really could use your help,” said the warden.

“Gee, Warden, I’d sure love to help you, but counter fitting is what got me in here in the first place.”

DNSB · 05-11-2026, 05:57 PM

According to one of my neighbours, starting to run in your 40's is a great way to meet new people. Only yesterday, they met two paramedics, a nurse and nearly God.

DNSB · 05-18-2026, 01:54 AM

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?"
And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me.
"And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void.
"And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days.
"If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away."
And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!"
And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

poohbear_nc · 05-19-2026, 05:08 PM

Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism. It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

DNSB · 05-19-2026, 07:57 PM

See message #853 in this thread.

What do you call a chicken crossing the road?

Poultry in motion.

05-05-2026, 09:40 PM	#873
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Ran into this again... Attached Thumbnails

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05-07-2026, 05:53 PM	#874
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,799 Karma: 83105959 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards. It was spam.

05-07-2026, 07:53 PM	#875
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I found a spider jumping up and down on my keyboard. They was trying to make a web-site.

05-09-2026, 03:12 AM	#876
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I found this rather humorous. YMMV.

05-09-2026, 03:30 AM	#877
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Do British websites use biscuits? Inquiring minds would like to know...

05-09-2026, 09:01 AM	#878
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,025 Karma: 50506929 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	[QUOTE=DNSB;4584821]I found this rather humorous. YMMV. Hahaha Thankfully it was only a vending machine and not an autonomous weapon of some sort!

05-09-2026, 12:56 PM	#879
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,799 Karma: 83105959 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Several years ago, Jim was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all the other inmates. The warden believed that, deep down, Jim was a decent man. So he arranged for Jim to learn a trade while serving his time. After about three years, Jim had become one of the best carpenters in the whole county. Sometimes he was even given a weekend pass to do small jobs for folks around town, and he always returned to the prison by Sunday evening. Jim was the definition of a model inmate. One day, the warden decided he wanted to remodel his kitchen, but he didn’t have the skills to build new cabinets and a large countertop. So he called Jim into his office and asked if he could take on the job. To the warden’s surprise, Jim immediately refused. “But you’re an expert, Jim, and I really could use your help,” said the warden. “Gee, Warden, I’d sure love to help you, but counter fitting is what got me in here in the first place.”

05-11-2026, 05:57 PM	#880
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	According to one of my neighbours, starting to run in your 40's is a great way to meet new people. Only yesterday, they met two paramedics, a nurse and nearly God.

05-18-2026, 01:54 AM	#881
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. "And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. "And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. "If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

05-19-2026, 05:08 PM	#882
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 66,324 Karma: 136477501 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Where do bad rainbows go? To prism. It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

05-19-2026, 07:57 PM	#883
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 51,958 Karma: 180003020 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	See message #853 in this thread. What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion.