Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 55

DNSB · 02-16-2026, 11:37 AM

Last Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."
I haven't worn it yet.

Fbone · 02-19-2026, 12:45 AM

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

DNSB · 02-19-2026, 01:48 AM

I was walking past a farm and a sign said:

"Duck, Eggs"

I thought: "That's an unnecessary comma" - and then they hit me.

ownedbycats · 02-19-2026, 06:05 PM

Helium walks into a saloon.

Barkeeper: Piss off, we don't serve noble gases here!
Helium: (doesn't react)

DNSB · 02-20-2026, 12:49 AM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "It tells me, my dear Watson, that someone stole our tent!"

poohbear_nc · 02-21-2026, 11:08 AM

In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.

DNSB · 02-21-2026, 07:36 PM

A group of sharks is a shiver.
A group of crows is a murder.
A group of owls is a parliament.
A group of crocodiles is a bask.
A group of frogs is an army.
A group of badgers is a cete.
What is a group of Karen's?
A Home Owners Association.

Fbone · 02-23-2026, 07:32 PM

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

DNSB · 02-23-2026, 09:05 PM

A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

DNSB · 02-26-2026, 01:22 AM

Did you know during skydiving if your parachute fails to deploy you have the rest of your life to fix it?

poohbear_nc · 02-28-2026, 10:43 PM

Patient: I was bitten by a wolf
Nurse: Where?
Patient: No, regular

Comfy.n · 02-28-2026, 10:49 PM

What do you call a wolf that notices everything? An Aware-wolf.

DNSB · 03-01-2026, 01:32 AM

Friend: What's in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?

Myself: Well, that's my uncle Frank. That's where he wanted his remains. It was his favourite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why.

Friend: Maybe is was so he could be Frank in stein?

Myself: That <multiple expletives deleted> SOB!!!

Comfy.n · 03-01-2026, 02:05 AM

A woman is at her husband's funeral. As the pallbearers carry the casket out of the church, they accidentally bump into a marble column. The jolt causes a faint groan to come from inside the box. They open it up and find that the husband is actually alive!

He lives for another ten years, but eventually, he passes away for real. At the end of the second funeral, as the pallbearers are carrying the casket out again, the widow stands up, points a shaking finger at the marble column, and yells: "Watch the pillar this time!"

ownedbycats · 03-01-2026, 04:31 PM

Why didn’t Elsa go to the doctor when she was sick?

The cold never bothered her anyway.

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02-16-2026, 11:37 AM	#811
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Last Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist." I haven't worn it yet.

02-19-2026, 12:45 AM	#812
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,350 Karma: 105529930 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

02-19-2026, 01:48 AM	#813
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was walking past a farm and a sign said: "Duck, Eggs" I thought: "That's an unnecessary comma" - and then they hit me.

02-19-2026, 06:05 PM	#814
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,641 Karma: 81419259 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Helium walks into a saloon. Barkeeper: Piss off, we don't serve noble gases here! Helium: (doesn't react)

02-20-2026, 12:49 AM	#815
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "It tells me, my dear Watson, that someone stole our tent!"

02-21-2026, 11:08 AM	#816
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,658 Karma: 136440589 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.

02-21-2026, 07:36 PM	#817
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A group of sharks is a shiver. A group of crows is a murder. A group of owls is a parliament. A group of crocodiles is a bask. A group of frogs is an army. A group of badgers is a cete. What is a group of Karen's? A Home Owners Association.

02-23-2026, 07:32 PM	#818
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,350 Karma: 105529930 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

02-23-2026, 09:05 PM	#819
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

02-26-2026, 01:22 AM	#820
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you know during skydiving if your parachute fails to deploy you have the rest of your life to fix it?

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02-28-2026, 10:43 PM	#821
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,658 Karma: 136440589 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Patient: I was bitten by a wolf Nurse: Where? Patient: No, regular

02-28-2026, 10:49 PM	#822
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 2,015 Karma: 7955879 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: none	What do you call a wolf that notices everything? An Aware-wolf.

03-01-2026, 01:32 AM	#823
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,750 Karma: 178402708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Friend: What's in that fancy beer mug on the mantel? Myself: Well, that's my uncle Frank. That's where he wanted his remains. It was his favourite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why. Friend: Maybe is was so he could be Frank in stein? Myself: That <multiple expletives deleted> SOB!!!

03-01-2026, 02:05 AM	#824
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 2,015 Karma: 7955879 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: none	A woman is at her husband's funeral. As the pallbearers carry the casket out of the church, they accidentally bump into a marble column. The jolt causes a faint groan to come from inside the box. They open it up and find that the husband is actually alive! He lives for another ten years, but eventually, he passes away for real. At the end of the second funeral, as the pallbearers are carrying the casket out again, the widow stands up, points a shaking finger at the marble column, and yells: "Watch the pillar this time!"

03-01-2026, 04:31 PM	#825
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,641 Karma: 81419259 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why didn’t Elsa go to the doctor when she was sick? The cold never bothered her anyway.