Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 53

DNSB · 01-17-2026, 03:02 AM

An acquaintance's child got a degree in Egyptology, but wasn't able to find a job. So they are paying more money to get a PhD so they can work teaching other people Egyptology. In their case, university is literally a pyramid scheme.

poohbear_nc · 01-19-2026, 10:47 PM

Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at c ...

DNSB · 01-20-2026, 01:30 AM

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”
Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.”
The men sat in silence marvelling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”

ownedbycats · 01-20-2026, 09:14 PM

Irish town ‘shell-shocked’ after 15,000 crabs escape from overturned truck.

(this is an actual CBC headline)

DNSB · 01-21-2026, 01:16 AM

Did you hear about the casino restaurant that feeds its cows cannabis? Yeah, some gamblers prefer high steaks.

poohbear_nc · 01-24-2026, 12:14 PM

Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. Now they're tenants.

DNSB · 01-24-2026, 09:27 PM

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

PeterT · 01-25-2026, 01:25 PM

Q: What does the United States have that Canada does not?

A: Good Neighbours

Sent from my Pixel 9a using Tapatalk

DNSB · 01-25-2026, 04:02 PM

What’s the best courier company to send parcels of food to former lovers? Fed Ex!

poohbear_nc · 01-29-2026, 06:01 PM

How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing - it's on the house!

DNSB · 01-29-2026, 10:56 PM

A wealthy farmer, seeing his two boys having no direction in life, decides to buy them a cattle ranch, so they can raise the beef that they so enjoy eating. They ask him, “Dad, what should we call the cattle ranch?”. He says “Call it ‘Focus’”. Confused, they ask him why. “Well, the focus is where the sun’s rays meet.”

DNSB · 01-31-2026, 05:27 PM

The joys of using Microsoft Word.

*moves an image a mm to the left*

all text and images shift. four new pages appear. paragraph breaks form a union. a swarm of commas buzzes at the window. in the distance, sirens.

ownedbycats · 02-07-2026, 06:32 PM

I've been thinking about getting surgery to remove my spine. I figured it was only holding me back.

DNSB · 02-07-2026, 09:23 PM

Do you know about the football player who is missing 75% of his spine?
He's the quarterback.

ownedbycats · 02-08-2026, 01:19 AM

Why are Saturday and Sunday strong?

Because all the others are week days.

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01-17-2026, 03:02 AM	#781
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	An acquaintance's child got a degree in Egyptology, but wasn't able to find a job. So they are paying more money to get a PhD so they can work teaching other people Egyptology. In their case, university is literally a pyramid scheme.

01-19-2026, 10:47 PM	#782
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,581 Karma: 135242149 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c ...

01-20-2026, 01:30 AM	#783
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?” The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marvelling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”

01-20-2026, 09:14 PM	#784
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,605 Karma: 81412473 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Irish town ‘shell-shocked’ after 15,000 crabs escape from overturned truck. (this is an actual CBC headline)

01-21-2026, 01:16 AM	#785
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you hear about the casino restaurant that feeds its cows cannabis? Yeah, some gamblers prefer high steaks.

01-24-2026, 12:14 PM	#786
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,581 Karma: 135242149 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. Now they're tenants.

01-24-2026, 09:27 PM	#787
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

01-25-2026, 01:25 PM	#788
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,836 Karma: 80512176 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	Q: What does the United States have that Canada does not? A: Good Neighbours Sent from my Pixel 9a using Tapatalk

01-25-2026, 04:02 PM	#789
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	What’s the best courier company to send parcels of food to former lovers? Fed Ex!

01-29-2026, 06:01 PM	#790
poohbear_nc Bah! Humbug! Posts: 65,581 Karma: 135242149 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!	How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing - it's on the house!

01-29-2026, 10:56 PM	#791
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A wealthy farmer, seeing his two boys having no direction in life, decides to buy them a cattle ranch, so they can raise the beef that they so enjoy eating. They ask him, “Dad, what should we call the cattle ranch?”. He says “Call it ‘Focus’”. Confused, they ask him why. “Well, the focus is where the sun’s rays meet.”

01-31-2026, 05:27 PM	#792
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The joys of using Microsoft Word. moves an image a mm to the left all text and images shift. four new pages appear. paragraph breaks form a union. a swarm of commas buzzes at the window. in the distance, sirens.

02-07-2026, 06:32 PM	#793
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,605 Karma: 81412473 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I've been thinking about getting surgery to remove my spine. I figured it was only holding me back.

02-07-2026, 09:23 PM	#794
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 50,725 Karma: 178402706 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Do you know about the football player who is missing 75% of his spine? He's the quarterback.

02-08-2026, 01:19 AM	#795
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,605 Karma: 81412473 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why are Saturday and Sunday strong? Because all the others are week days.