Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[DNSB]

Originally Posted by ownedbycats

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81. He said no.

Should that not have been:

He said nein.

[DNSB]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Russian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Romanian, a Dane, an Israeli, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Greek, a Norwegian, an Ethiopian, a Nigerian and a Chilean walk into a nightclub.

The bouncer steps in front of the group. “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

[ownedbycats]

My dad used to say, "When one door closes, another one opens." He was a lousy cabinet maker.

[DNSB]

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

[LostHisMarbles]

Originally Posted by DNSB

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog.

The dog makes some low woofing sounds

One of my dogs would howl if there was singing in the movies, lol, howl if i (bad, bad move) put a documentary on, go and bark real close to the screen if it showed other dogs.

My brother and i, we'd sometimes put something National Geographic to play while he was eating; the look on his face when he heard other animals, ahaha, trying to decide if he had to eat first or go bark.. priceless. If he opted for wolfing the food down first, you should have been there to hear the gulps. Whole bowl cleaned out in like a second flat, eyes all round, lol, you know, "emergency" state?!

Thanks for reminding me that.. been a while

And thanks all around for the jokes ^^

[JSWolf]

Originally Posted by LostHisMarbles

One of my dogs would howl if there was singing in the movies, lol, howl if i (bad, bad move) put a documentary on, go and bark real close to the screen if it showed other dogs.

My brother and i, we'd sometimes put something National Geographic to play while he was eating; the look on his face when he heard other animals, ahaha, trying to decide if he had to eat first or go bark.. priceless. If he opted for wolfing the food down first, you should have been there to hear the gulps. Whole bowl cleaned out in like a second flat, eyes all round, lol, you know, "emergency" state?!

Thanks for reminding me that.. been a while

And thanks all around for the jokes ^^

M y dog barks at other dogs on TV even if he just hears one.

[DNSB]

Did you hear about the World War I soldier who survived both pepper spray and mustard gas? He was a seasoned veteran.

[JSWolf]

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

[JSWolf]

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

[JSWolf]

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

[JSWolf]

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.

[JSWolf]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

[JSWolf]

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

[ownedbycats]

Did you hear about the witch that became an racecar driver? Their car goes 'broom broom.'

[DNSB]

Why do Buddhist monks avoid sending Word documents? They’re supposed to avoid attachments.