Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 44

DNSB · 10-10-2025, 02:39 AM

How do you make a dead cat float?

One can of root beer and two scoops of dead cat.

DNSB · 10-10-2025, 02:41 AM

Three cats were walking on a dock. When they hit the end of the dock, un deux trois quatre cinq.

ownedbycats · 10-10-2025, 04:42 PM

Did you hear about the girl who spontaneously evaporated?

She will be mist.

DNSB · 10-10-2025, 06:26 PM

My wife said no more dad jokes, they're annoying and she can't stand them.

I said sure no problem, but one day I couldn't help it and at dinner I asked "What's the difference between three straws and two straws?" She didn't say a word, she stopped eating, got up, packed her bags and left. It was the last straw.

nana77 · 10-11-2025, 01:02 AM

The first time I went into the local bar, it was late evening and there was only one guest, the barmaid was asking him why he wasn't yet at home, and he replied that if a couple never sees, a marriage can last a whole entire life

.

DNSB · 10-11-2025, 02:03 AM

A termite walks into the bar. He sits down and asks “hey, is the bar tender?”

ownedbycats · 10-13-2025, 09:35 AM

I saw an older man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.

ownedbycats · Yesterday, 09:32 AM

I told my suitcase we weren’t going on vacation this year. Now it’s emotional baggage.

ownedbycats · Yesterday, 05:36 PM

A tub of margarine fell on my foot weeks ago and it still hurts. I can't believe it's not better.

DNSB · Yesterday, 08:39 PM

What’s the body temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke Warm.

ownedbycats · Yesterday, 08:45 PM

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

DNSB · Yesterday, 09:08 PM

Rumours of a food shortage at this year’s Spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

ownedbycats · Yesterday, 09:36 PM

I used to have a job making holes. It was boring.

DNSB · Today, 03:28 AM

A Roman walks in to a bar and says “I’ll have a martinus.”

The bartender says “you mean a martini?”

The Roman replies “no, if I wanted a double I would have asked for one.”

Comfy.n · Today, 03:40 AM

A German walks into a café and asks for "ein Kaffee." The waiter says, "You mean 'a coffee'?" The German replies, "Nein, I meant one, not nine!"

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10-10-2025, 02:39 AM	#646
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	How do you make a dead cat float? One can of root beer and two scoops of dead cat.

10-10-2025, 02:41 AM	#647
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Three cats were walking on a dock. When they hit the end of the dock, un deux trois quatre cinq.

10-10-2025, 04:42 PM	#648
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Did you hear about the girl who spontaneously evaporated? She will be mist.

10-10-2025, 06:26 PM	#649
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My wife said no more dad jokes, they're annoying and she can't stand them. I said sure no problem, but one day I couldn't help it and at dinner I asked "What's the difference between three straws and two straws?" She didn't say a word, she stopped eating, got up, packed her bags and left. It was the last straw.

10-11-2025, 01:02 AM	#650
nana77 Guru Posts: 741 Karma: 860474 Join Date: May 2025 Device: Kobo Forma	The first time I went into the local bar, it was late evening and there was only one guest, the barmaid was asking him why he wasn't yet at home, and he replied that if a couple never sees, a marriage can last a whole entire life .

10-11-2025, 02:03 AM	#651
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A termite walks into the bar. He sits down and asks “hey, is the bar tender?”

10-13-2025, 09:35 AM	#652
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I saw an older man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.

Yesterday, 09:32 AM	#653
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I told my suitcase we weren’t going on vacation this year. Now it’s emotional baggage.

Yesterday, 05:36 PM	#654
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A tub of margarine fell on my foot weeks ago and it still hurts. I can't believe it's not better.

Yesterday, 08:39 PM	#655
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	What’s the body temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke Warm.

Yesterday, 08:45 PM	#656
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

Yesterday, 09:08 PM	#657
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Rumours of a food shortage at this year’s Spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

Yesterday, 09:36 PM	#658
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,294 Karma: 79528341 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I used to have a job making holes. It was boring.

Today, 03:28 AM	#659
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,816 Karma: 173906420 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A Roman walks in to a bar and says “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender says “you mean a martini?” The Roman replies “no, if I wanted a double I would have asked for one.”

Today, 03:40 AM	#660
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 1,675 Karma: 7908443 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: none	A German walks into a café and asks for "ein Kaffee." The waiter says, "You mean 'a coffee'?" The German replies, "Nein, I meant one, not nine!"