Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 43

DNSB · 09-30-2025, 08:16 PM

I once asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, "Not yet. We're still waiting for someone to come and claim you."

ownedbycats · 10-01-2025, 07:56 AM

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers. I really need to wash some mugs.

Cactus Chef · 10-01-2025, 09:03 AM

I went into the Barnes and Noble the other day and asked the service desk where the Self-Help section was, but the employee said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

ownedbycats · 10-01-2025, 12:03 PM

Customer: This steak is practically uncooked! Do you serve them all this way?

Waiter: No, sir. It's extremely rare.

ownedbycats · 10-01-2025, 12:08 PM

My vegetarian friend told me that people who sell meat are gross.

I replied that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

ownedbycats · 10-01-2025, 10:19 PM

How do you determine the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?

Give it a weigh.

ownedbycats · 10-02-2025, 01:04 PM

I have to admit that I have some grudging respect for the man who invented the guillotine.

He was just trying to get a head.

DNSB · 10-02-2025, 06:41 PM

Being a parent to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

ownedbycats · 10-06-2025, 09:46 AM

I was telling my friend about a breakthrough that will allow electric cars to charge faster, how the river was really dangerous for swimmers right now due to how fast its going, and that someone got hit by lightning in the next county over.

He was impressed with my knowledge of current events.

ownedbycats · 10-06-2025, 04:09 PM

I was touring around North Africa when my tour guide suddenly took off, leaving me with only a crude map of the Sahara.

I can't believe he would desert me like that!

DNSB · 10-06-2025, 09:08 PM

How do you make a dead cat float?
Use one can of root beer and two scoops of dead cat.

JSWolf · 10-07-2025, 05:59 AM

A man walked into a bar.
Ouch!

ownedbycats · 10-07-2025, 09:58 AM

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

ownedbycats · Yesterday, 01:05 PM

Why do they only put 239 baked beans in a can?

Because adding one more would make them too farty.

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09-30-2025, 08:16 PM	#631
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,720 Karma: 172313956 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I once asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, "Not yet. We're still waiting for someone to come and claim you."

10-01-2025, 07:56 AM	#632
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers. I really need to wash some mugs.

10-01-2025, 09:03 AM	#633
Cactus Chef Guru Posts: 657 Karma: 8153118 Join Date: Apr 2019 Location: East Coast, United States Device: Kobo Sage, Kobo Clara HD, Galaxy Tab S5e, Kindle 4th Gen	I went into the Barnes and Noble the other day and asked the service desk where the Self-Help section was, but the employee said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

10-01-2025, 12:03 PM	#634
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Customer: This steak is practically uncooked! Do you serve them all this way? Waiter: No, sir. It's extremely rare.

10-01-2025, 12:08 PM	#635
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	My vegetarian friend told me that people who sell meat are gross. I replied that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

10-01-2025, 10:19 PM	#636
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How do you determine the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper? Give it a weigh.

10-02-2025, 01:04 PM	#637
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I have to admit that I have some grudging respect for the man who invented the guillotine. He was just trying to get a head.

10-02-2025, 06:41 PM	#638
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,720 Karma: 172313956 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Being a parent to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

10-06-2025, 09:46 AM	#639
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I was telling my friend about a breakthrough that will allow electric cars to charge faster, how the river was really dangerous for swimmers right now due to how fast its going, and that someone got hit by lightning in the next county over. He was impressed with my knowledge of current events.

10-06-2025, 04:09 PM	#640
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I was touring around North Africa when my tour guide suddenly took off, leaving me with only a crude map of the Sahara. I can't believe he would desert me like that!

10-07-2025, 05:59 AM	#642
JSWolf Resident Curmudgeon Posts: 80,474 Karma: 150249619 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Roslindale, Massachusetts Device: Kobo Libra 2, Kobo Aura H2O, PRS-650, PRS-T1, nook STR, PW3	A man walked into a bar. Ouch!

10-06-2025, 09:08 PM	#641
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,720 Karma: 172313956 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	How do you make a dead cat float? Use one can of root beer and two scoops of dead cat.

10-07-2025, 09:58 AM	#643
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Yesterday, 01:05 PM	#644
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,267 Karma: 77935877 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why do they only put 239 baked beans in a can? Because adding one more would make them too farty.