Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[ownedbycats]

A frog wearing a business suit walked into a bank and stood in line to wait for a teller.

When it was his turn, he looked at the teller’s name tag, which read “Patricia Whack” and said, "Hello, Ms. Whack, my name is Kermit Jagger and I would like to take out a loan."

After shaking off her surprise Ms. Whack managed to keep a straight face and said, "Very well. What would you like to offer as collateral for your loan to ensure that it will be repaid in a timely manner?"

Kermit thought for a moment, then reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a miniature porcelain elephant, beautifully made and stunningly detailed. “Will this be suitable for collateral?" he asked.

Ms. Whack wasn’t isn't certain what to make of this. "I'm not sure, but let me go ask the bank manager and see what he decides."

Kermit nodded, so she picked up the porcelain elephant and went to speak to the manager.

Walking into the manager's office, she set the elephant on his desk and said, "Sir, there is a frog in the lobby who wishes to take out a loan. He says his name is Kermit Jagger and when I asked for collateral he gave me this. What is it and what the heck should I do?"

The manager took a look at the elephant and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

[DNSB]

Two robins stuffed themselves with worms until they were too fat to fly. Since the birds couldn’t go anywhere, they decided to just sit and soak up the sun.

Along came a cat, and it ate them.

Licking its paws, the cat said, “I just love baskin’ robins!”

[ownedbycats]

It's been said that dogs can bark continuously for 8 hours. However, that's just a ruff estimate.

[DNSB]

What kind of dog can jump as high as a tall building? Any kind. A building can’t jump!

[ownedbycats]

I have a terrible fear of bows. They make me quiver.

[ownedbycats]

Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystals in my kidneys and an abundant supply of natural gas.

Never thought I could accumulate such wealth!

[Cactus Chef]

Originally Posted by ownedbycats

A frog wearing a business suit walked into a bank and stood in line to wait for a teller.

When it was his turn, he looked at the teller’s name tag, which read “Patricia Whack” and said, "Hello, Ms. Whack, my name is Kermit Jagger and I would like to take out a loan."

After shaking off her surprise Ms. Whack managed to keep a straight face and said, "Very well. What would you like to offer as collateral for your loan to ensure that it will be repaid in a timely manner?"

Kermit thought for a moment, then reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a miniature porcelain elephant, beautifully made and stunningly detailed. “Will this be suitable for collateral?" he asked.

Ms. Whack wasn’t isn't certain what to make of this. "I'm not sure, but let me go ask the bank manager and see what he decides."

Kermit nodded, so she picked up the porcelain elephant and went to speak to the manager.

Walking into the manager's office, she set the elephant on his desk and said, "Sir, there is a frog in the lobby who wishes to take out a loan. He says his name is Kermit Jagger and when I asked for collateral he gave me this. What is it and what the heck should I do?"

The manager took a look at the elephant and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Seems like an overly-literal version of this joke. The version I'm familiar with doesn't explicitly call Kermit a frog--just a guy with the name "Kermit." And it doesn't list Patricia's last name, since I think "Patricia Whack" telegraphs the punchline a bit too much.

[Luffy]

This is of my own invention.

What is black and white and red all over?

Michael Jackson in Thriller.

[ownedbycats]

There are eleven types of people in the world: Those that understand Roman numerals and those that don’t.

[ownedbycats]

Doctor: We got the test results. Your DNA seems to be backwards.
Patient: And?

[ownedbycats]

Son: Dad, I watched someone do 50 pushups. Could you do that?
Dad: Of course, son. I don't want to brag, but I could probably watch someone do 100 pushups.

[DNSB]

There are no rules in this house… besides never ask me for anything before I've had my coffee.

[ownedbycats]

Redshirts don't retire, they just phase away.

(it sounded better in my head )

[DNSB]

Parenting 101

First child eats dirt, you call the doctor.
Second child eats dirt, you clean out their mouth.
Third child eats dirt, you wonder if you still need to make their lunch.

[ownedbycats]

Dad: Name a country without the letter R in its name.
Son: No way!