Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[ownedbycats]

[DNSB]

If a bear were to encounter both a reader and a writer, who would it eat?

Spoiler:

The reader.

Spoiler:

Haven't you heard of writer's cramp and Reader's Digest?

[DNSB]

I told my wife, “I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” She responded with, “I'll miss you.”

[PoP]

[Thatcher is dining out with her Cabinet]

Waitress: Would you like to order, Sir?

Margaret Thatcher: Steak, please.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Margaret Thatcher: Raw

Waitress: And what about the vegetables?

Margaret Thatcher: Oh? They'll have steak too...

[nana77]

Went on a nearset village to buy some local butter, two elderly comes near and one says "don't buy butter, it will make fat", and the other near chases him: "well, the fat comes when there is no butter at home".

Ps: usually might be common that an elder, living along, don't cares much about cooking etc... and many might live on a red-wine-based diet instead..

[DNSB]

Be kind to your kids. They will be choosing your nursing home.

[DNSB]

Friend: Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.
Me: Is it helping?
Friend: We still haven't met.

[Sirtel]

Originally Posted by DNSB

Friend: Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.
Me: Is it helping?
Friend: We still haven't met.

Sounds exactly like my cup of tea...

[DNSB]

Not quite sure if this belongs here but...

The Feline Stages of Grief
1. Brief sadness
2. A bit longer lingering resentment
3. A swift return to their natural state of giving absolutely no f**ks.

[Sirtel]

Originally Posted by DNSB

Not quite sure if this belongs here but...

The Feline Stages of Grief
1. Brief sadness
2. A bit longer lingering resentment
3. A swift return to their natural state of giving absolutely no f**ks.

Pretty true in most cases. But it's also true of some humans.

OTOH, I've known cats who have gotten depressed or even fallen physically ill after the loss of a cherished companion. There are also cats who can't tolerate loneliness at all and must have a companion (human, feline or another species entirely - that depends).

[ownedbycats]

Originally Posted by Sirtel

OTOH, I've known cats who have gotten depressed or even fallen physically ill after the loss of a cherished companion. There are also cats who can't tolerate loneliness at all and must have a companion (human, feline or another species entirely - that depends).

A friend had bonded cats who died within a short period of each other. They weren't even that old.

[Sirtel]

Originally Posted by ownedbycats

A friend had bonded cats who died within a short period of each other. They weren't even that old.

Yes, it's known to happen. More often with older cats, but not necessarily.

It's mostly a myth that cats are loners who care about nothing but themselves. Like with humans, there are all kinds of cats - some are very independent, others need and want company.

I'm far more antisocial than two of my current kitties.

[nana77]

Originally Posted by Sirtel

Pretty true in most cases. But it's also true of some humans.

OTOH, I've known cats who have gotten depressed or even fallen physically ill after the loss of a cherished companion. There are also cats who can't tolerate loneliness at all and must have a companion (human, feline or another species entirely - that depends).

I did bought two cats, because I was thinking the one might had felt lonely when I'm at work; but now the two moms don't stay together, one of those blows any time she sees her sons too, even she has a good character (only she's a bit sore head).
The terrible joke here is that the neighnourood told me, when I'd asked, that their cats was sterilized: after few months the two kitty reached 6 months' age, and in two weeks was both pregnant. So now them are in ten (now sterilized - we are fine, also).

[DNSB]

Perhaps we could get back to posting the type of jokes that have the audience rolling in the aisles towards the nearest exit?

[ownedbycats]

How do sheep swim?

They do the baaaa-ckstroke.