Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[ownedbycats]

If a cat breaks your computer, you may have to concatenate a few system logs to get to the root of the catastrophe.

[DNSB]

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

[PeterT]

Originally Posted by DNSB

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

I'm sure a few of them would come up with an APL program; possibly a few valid regex expressions.

Sent from my Pixel 7a using Tapatalk

[ownedbycats]

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.

[neil_swann80]

Lines...

[ownedbycats]

I knew a sysadmin who was obsessed with automating things.

They were batch-IT crazy.

[DNSB]

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

[neil_swann80]

Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#

[DNSB]

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, ”I’ll have that monkey please”. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, ”That’ll be $5000”. The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ”That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost SO much?” The shopkeeper answered, ”Ah, that monkey can program in ‘C’ very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ”That one’s even more expensive – $10,000! What does he do?” ”Oh, that one’s a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ”That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?” The shopkeeper shrugged and said, ”Well, to tell you the truth, I haven’t actually seen him do anything, but he says he’s a SAP consultant.”

[neil_swann80]

Hehehe. Nice joke you could easily tweak to poke different consultants and contractors. I have an ITIL consultant in mind.


What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance.

[Sirtel]

I've seen the same joke with parrots instead of monkeys and the most expensive parrot said it was the manager of the others.

[DNSB]

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word!

[ownedbycats]

"How good are you with Microsoft Office?"

"I excel at it."

[ownedbycats]

Why did the astronaut use Linux?

Because you can't open windows on a space station.

[ownedbycats]

Fast.
Download Chrome for Windows, complete with built-in malware...