The Vent and Rant Thread

[CRussel]

Originally Posted by 4691mls

Ditto for "calm down"

And for "smile".

[ApK]

Originally Posted by 4691mls

Ditto for "calm down"

I hear police and other first responders say this all the time. It's super annoying.

The (very good) book "Verbal Judo," which was written by a former police officer in part to help teach cops how to deescalate, has a great section on why it's a very useless thing to say.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by ApK

I hear police and other first responders say this all the time. It's super annoying.

The (very good) book "Verbal Judo," which was written by a former police officer in part to help teach cops how to deescalate, has a great section on why it's a very useless thing to say.

I find phrases like that almost inevitably condescending. As if by saying it, some superior person (by whatever concept or idea their brain is indulging in, wrongly) thinks that they can just command you to turn YOUR brain off. Stuff and nonsense.

(And fellas, don't take this the wrong way but for the love of heaven, don't say it to ladies as if we're having the vapors!)

Hitch

[4691mls]

Originally Posted by ApK

I hear police and other first responders say this all the time. It's super annoying.

The (very good) book "Verbal Judo," which was written by a former police officer in part to help teach cops how to deescalate, has a great section on why it's a very useless thing to say.

Yes, that is good.

If I'm upset and someone tells me to calm down it makes me feel like they are not taking my problem seriously.

What would actually calm me down is if they showed understanding and offered to help solve whatever the problem is that caused me to be upset in the first place.

[cc_in_oh]

Originally Posted by Hitch

I find phrases like that almost inevitably condescending. As if by saying it, some superior person (by whatever concept or idea their brain is indulging in, wrongly) thinks that they can just command you to turn YOUR brain off. Stuff and nonsense.

(And fellas, don't take this the wrong way but for the love of heaven, don't say it to ladies as if we're having the vapors!)

Hitch

Sheesh - take a breath - I would never say anything like that!

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by cc_in_oh

Sheesh - take a breath - I would never say anything like that!

I'm pretty sure I never said that you would? If that was remotely implied, it was not intended that way. My sincere apologies if anybody here thought that.

But it happens surprisingly often, even between male/female strangers. it's...not fun. It invariably implies that you're having "hysterics" and every woman alive with an above-room-temp IQ knows what THAT means.

(That's up there with "can't you be more cooperative," which, as someone once said in a book, really means "why can't you just be good girl and do what you're told?!")

Hitch

[ApK]

Originally Posted by Hitch

(That's up there with "can't you be more cooperative," which, as someone once said in a book, really means "why can't you just be good girl and do what you're told?!")

Hitch

Huh? What wrong with asking for cooperation? Man or woman? Is just everything a sexist insult? Stop over reacting, you're getting hysterical.....

[cc_in_oh]

Originally Posted by Hitch

I'm pretty sure I never said that you would? If that was remotely implied, it was not intended that way. My sincere apologies if anybody here thought that.

But it happens surprisingly often, even between male/female strangers. it's...not fun. It invariably implies that you're having "hysterics" and every woman alive with an above-room-temp IQ knows what THAT means.

(That's up there with "can't you be more cooperative," which, as someone once said in a book, really means "why can't you just be good girl and do what you're told?!")

Hitch

That was supposed to be a joke! My wife has 3 older brothers who would tell her to take a breath - she wanted to strangle them!

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by ApK

Huh? What wrong with asking for cooperation? Man or woman? Is just everything a sexist insult?

Nope and honestly, I'm the last person you'll find that ALWAYS finds everything a sexist insult. Truly.

But there is simply something--I think you'll find that the phrasing, between men of similar business rank, let's say, or near-as, and the way that's said and put, between men in business and women--it's always stated differently.

A man will say to another "okay, let's split the baby," or something like that. They'll say "let's reach an accord." "let's strike a deal" and the like.

To a woman, they'll say "why can't you BE MORE COOPERATIVE?"

It's not the same. I spent 3+ decades as an executive, in a males-only biz, pretty much and it's just not. You can write me off as some loony if you wish, but it's like...for example, in the 80's and even well into the 90's, it was perfectly commonplace for me to go to a business meeting--mind you, I was a Sr. Veep--not someone in the pink ghetto--and the intros would go like this (pretend my name is Suzie Smith, right?)

"Fred Smith, this is Bob Jones. Bob and Fred, this is Michael Jakes. Michael, Bob and Fred, this is Jeff Jason. And Fred, Bob, Michael and Jeff, this is Suzie."

No last name. Never an equal. Never acted like I was entitled to one--even though some of those people would be reporting to me, answerable to me, on a job. It got to the point that every single time that happened, I would stick out my hand, immediately and go down the line and say "I'm Suzie Smith. Great to meet you." "I'm Suzie Smith, glad to have you working with us."

I once had a business associate pull this one--he introduced my then-boss and me to a third party thusly:

"This is Suzie and Fred Smith." The schmuck I was introduced to thought I was married to my boss for the next 3 meetings.

Sure--I don't expect you to notice it. But when you're standing there, it's hard not to. In a million years, ask yourself if a male VEEP at a company would EVER be introduced by first-name only. Ask yourself if you've ever, ever heard an exec ask another male exec to "just be more cooperative," rather than far more respectful phrasing. I get it--you think it's picayune stuff--but it's not.

Hitch

[DNSB]

Originally Posted by Hitch

Sure--I don't expect you to notice it. But when you're standing there, it's hard not to. In a million years, ask yourself if a male VEEP at a company would EVER be introduced by first-name only. Ask yourself if you've ever, ever heard an exec ask another male exec to "just be more cooperative," rather than far more respectful phrasing. I get it--you think it's picayune stuff--but it's not.

Hitch

Takes me back a few years. At one time, I was visiting a company for which I had done and was doing some IT consulting work. One of the CxOs whom I had had some interactions with before was introducing a new hire around. When he visited the IT manager Andrea's office, he introduced her as Andrea and me as "one of our valued consultants, David LastName". No job title, no last name for Andrea. Too much like work to say, this is our IT manager Andrea Foulkstone.

The new hire at least redeemed himself by shaking Andrea's hand and asking "I'm sorry but I didn't catch your last name". Not sure if this was due to the 40+ difference in age, parents who had raised the kid right or ?.

[Rumpelteazer]

Getting thoroughly fed up with customers getting angry with me for not taking over the store from my father. Some get really angry and rude about it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by DNSB

Takes me back a few years. At one time, I was visiting a company for which I had done and was doing some IT consulting work. One of the CxOs whom I had had some interactions with before was introducing a new hire around. When he visited the IT manager Andrea's office, he introduced her as Andrea and me as "one of our valued consultants, David LastName". No job title, no last name for Andrea. Too much like work to say, this is our IT manager Andrea Foulkstone.

The new hire at least redeemed himself by shaking Andrea's hand and asking "I'm sorry but I didn't catch your last name". Not sure if this was due to the 40+ difference in age, parents who had raised the kid right or ?.

It's an odd thing.

N.B.: apparently, I somehow managed to miss that the comment to which I rantingly vented and replied, was a joke. Mea culpa. I debated removing my comment, which seems...IDK, ill-conceived or OOP now, but screw it. It can stand. I meant it, even if I dumped it in the wrong place. Again, sorry if I killed someone's humor. (Not by way of excuse, by some partial, lame explanation--the past month, I've been taking something medical that apparently doesn't agree with me AT ALL and it's made me half-brain-dead and cranky. Sorry.)

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

Getting thoroughly fed up with customers getting angry with me for not taking over the store from my father. Some get really angry and rude about it.

I remember this when my grandfather retired his first and second times. We had then-customers (I was a tween the first time, late-teens, I think it was or early 20's the second) bitching about it as if life on earth would cease. It's exhausting--I feel for you.

Hell, was that even an option, anyway? I mean, could you afford to buy the place from them, anyhow?

Hitch

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Hitch

I remember this when my grandfather retired his first and second times. We had then-customers (I was a tween the first time, late-teens, I think it was or early 20's the second) bitching about it as if life on earth would cease. It's exhausting--I feel for you.

Hell, was that even an option, anyway? I mean, could you afford to buy the place from them, anyhow?

Hitch

Thanks.

No it isn't. Even if I could buy the building, in the 107 years my family has lived here only the most necessary repairs have been done, in the cheapest possible way. It needs to be renovated literally from the roof to the drains and sewer lines underneath the building. Everything, from electrics to pipes and some walls will need to rebuild. Since it's a listed building you have to adhere to strict rules, which makes is more difficult and expensive.

Plus, I just don't want my own business. After 42 years of living the life in a family business I just want a job where when I've worked my hours I can just go home and relax. Where I don't need to go downstairs when the store's closed to put together orders, or take care of shipments that were delivered, or running errands almost every Monday, etc.

But now my aunt has finally realized the store is closing, so she's throwing a tizzy about how dare I not continue with it. She, who's never worked a minute in the store when she was younger (I've been working in the store for 30 years now), the only time she was interesting in the store was when my grandfather died and she and my uncle (yes, that uncle) thought they could gain financially from the store. But were disappointed in that. But that's a whole different story.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

Thanks.

No it isn't. Even if I could buy the building, in the 107 years my family has lived here only the most necessary repairs have been done, in the cheapest possible way. It needs to be renovated literally from the roof to the drains and sewer lines underneath the building. Everything, from electrics to pipes and some walls will need to rebuild. Since it's a listed building you have to adhere to strict rules, which makes is more difficult and expensive.

Plus, I just don't want my own business. After 42 years of living the life in a family business I just want a job where when I've worked my hours I can just go home and relax. Where I don't need to go downstairs when the store's closed to put together orders, or take care of shipments that were delivered, or running errands almost every Monday, etc.

Oh, gurl, I feel ya on that 42 years, I really do. I was earning my weekly lunch-money allowance, as a wee kid, working in my family's businesses, by the time I was 7. Everybody's work ethic was developed early.

But now my aunt has finally realized the store is closing, so she's throwing a tizzy about how dare I not continue with it. She, who's never worked a minute in the store when she was younger (I've been working in the store for 30 years now), the only time she was interesting in the store was when my grandfather died and she and my uncle (yes, that uncle) thought they could gain financially from the store. But were disappointed in that. But that's a whole different story.

Oh, yes, I remember that part of the Rumple Saga, when your grandfa passed. She really is a piece o'work.

I think your parents should tell her sure, come on down. Write us a check and when it clears, it's all yours. Your parents won't do that, I know, but I mean, what the hell skin is it off her nose, anyway? She has no percentage, she has no ownership, it's not like she comes in and hangs around at lunch to have fun with you guys--why on EARTH does she even CARE?

I know she's a bit daft, (and not a little mean-spirited) but this sounds really off the wall, even for her.

Hitch

[ApK]

Originally Posted by Hitch

apparently, I somehow managed to miss that the comment to which I rantingly vented and replied, was a joke. Mea culpa.

If cc_in_oh or I had chosen to use "Calm down!" it would have been a lot clearer. And funnier.
My accidental posting before finishing my post didn't help either.
Moving on....