The Vent and Rant Thread

[Rumpelteazer]

Going back to work later this morning after my six day vacation. I'm not motivated, though. There's a shipment waiting for me to deal with, I decided I will do half of it today and half of it tomorrow.

During my weekend away my father was forced to do more chores and I'm going to let him keep doing those. So that's at least a positive thing (for me).

I had to tell my parents to tell my aunt (father's sister) to back off and chill. Ever since my father went into the hospital she's been on my case whenever I do something for myself. Apparently my only reason for existence, according to her, is to take care of my parents, although they are now capable of doing that mostly themselves. She called my parents over the weekend and they told her I was away with my sister for a couple of days. You can imaging the text messages she sent me. As if she ever gave up anything to take care of my grandmother (she didn't but always acted like she did).

She doesn't know yet that when the store closes (end of the year/early next year) and my parents will sell the house and find a nice apartment for themselves that I'm not moving in with them; I'm going to move in with my sister and then we're going to find a bigger place for the two of us. I'm also not going over every day or any day to take care of chores. They will either have to do those themselves or hire someone to do those (we've already agreed to that). But once my aunt knows this I expect another barrage of text messages/calls. And this time I'm not going to try to keep the peace.

[ApK]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

During my weekend away my father was forced to do more chores and I'm going to let him keep doing those. So that's at least a positive thing (for me).

It's positive for him too. Don't forget that.

But once my aunt knows this I expect another barrage of text messages/calls. And this time I'm not going to try to keep the peace.

I'm not going to presume to tell you what to do with your aunt or your family relationships, but since your aunt sounds a lot like my sister, I tell you this: When my mom died a few years ago, the one comfort I found was that I would NEVER have to deal with my sister in ANY way, EVER again. Phone and email blocked, and her crazy is no longer my problem. Not my circus, not my monkey. I felt lighter immediately, and was able to stop taking the stomach medicine that I had to take whenever I dealt with her.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

Going back to work later this morning after my six day vacation. I'm not motivated, though. There's a shipment waiting for me to deal with, I decided I will do half of it today and half of it tomorrow.

During my weekend away my father was forced to do more chores and I'm going to let him keep doing those. So that's at least a positive thing (for me).

I had to tell my parents to tell my aunt (father's sister) to back off and chill. Ever since my father went into the hospital she's been on my case whenever I do something for myself. Apparently my only reason for existence, according to her, is to take care of my parents, although they are now capable of doing that mostly themselves. She called my parents over the weekend and they told her I was away with my sister for a couple of days. You can imaging the text messages she sent me. As if she ever gave up anything to take care of my grandmother (she didn't but always acted like she did).

She doesn't know yet that when the store closes (end of the year/early next year) and my parents will sell the house and find a nice apartment for themselves that I'm not moving in with them; I'm going to move in with my sister and then we're going to find a bigger place for the two of us. I'm also not going over every day or any day to take care of chores. They will either have to do those themselves or hire someone to do those (we've already agreed to that). But once my aunt knows this I expect another barrage of text messages/calls. And this time I'm not going to try to keep the peace.

What are you going to do, then, Rumple, when the store is gone? I mean, vocationally?

Hitch

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by ApK

It's positive for him too. Don't forget that.

It is, and it isn't. Because now he's shown he can do certain things, I expect him to do those things on a regular basis. Like putting his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, if he's up before me he can empty the dishwasher, feed the cats or put on dinner or maybe dust once in a while.

He's been raised to think that those are women's tasks. And I didn't mind doing them when I wasn't working full time and he was. But now he's not working and I'm working full time in the store. Since he's capable of doing chores I would love it if he does some. If you ask, repeatedly, he will eventually do something, but it would be nice if he would do things without having to be asked, though I think that is idle hope.

Originally Posted by ApK

I'm not going to presume to tell you what to do with your aunt or your family relationships, but since your aunt sounds a lot like my sister, I tell you this: When my mom died a few years ago, the one comfort I found was that I would NEVER have to deal with my sister in ANY way, EVER again. Phone and email blocked, and her crazy is no longer my problem. Not my circus, not my monkey. I felt lighter immediately, and was able to stop taking the stomach medicine that I had to take whenever I dealt with her.

She was never this bad. It started after I got appendicitis and after the inflammation in my back. She told me off for that because I inconvenienced my
parents with that. But since my father has been in hospital she gone crazy. I'm hoping now things have quieted down she will back off a bit. I discussed it with my parents and they will tell to back off with her commentary on me. Not sure if that will help.

Originally Posted by Hitch

What are you going to do, then, Rumple, when the store is gone? I mean, vocationally?

I want to keep working in a store. Ideally I would love to work in a craft store, but at the moment those offer only part time jobs (2-3 days a week) and I want to work full time. So I might end up working in my field of specialty; lighting. Maybe a store selling light fixtures or a big box DIY store. Our store's got a good reputation and the light fixture stores and DIY stores in the area often send customer to us when the customer needs something special or has a difficult/technical question. I'm hoping my knowledge will make easier to get a job of those store if I wanted to.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

It is, and it isn't. Because now he's shown he can do certain things, I expect him to do those things on a regular basis. Like putting his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, if he's up before me he can empty the dishwasher, feed the cats or put on dinner or maybe dust once in a while.

YES, by the way, I meant to say, well done! It's about time. Hell, I find that we all do that--it's easy to get lazy, when things go wrong, health-wise. I've had to kick my own ass about exercising, after some brouhaha here. Sheesh.

He's been raised to think that those are women's tasks. And I didn't mind doing them when I wasn't working full time and he was. But now he's not working and I'm working full time in the store. Since he's capable of doing chores I would love it if he does some. If you ask, repeatedly, he will eventually do something, but it would be nice if he would do things without having to be asked, though I think that is idle hope.

I've often said, forget all the lectures, classes, teachers, yadda, about male and female "roles." If women really want to raise liberated sons, then teach them to clean the damn toilets. Seriously--teach them to clean up after themselves, scrub a toilet. Their future better halves--women or men--will thank you for it and being the one who cleans a toilet has a way of keeping people from getting airs, no matter WHAT. They don't, as my Grandmother used to say "get above themselves." :-)

She was never this bad. It started after I got appendicitis and after the inflammation in my back. She told me off for that because I inconvenienced my parents with that. But since my father has been in hospital she gone crazy. I'm hoping now things have quieted down she will back off a bit. I discussed it with my parents and they will tell to back off with her commentary on me. Not sure if that will help.

Your aunt seriously needs a good kick in the ass. No offense, Rumple.

I want to keep working in a store. Ideally I would love to work in a craft store, but at the moment those offer only part time jobs (2-3 days a week) and I want to work full time. So I might end up working in my field of specialty; lighting. Maybe a store selling light fixtures or a big box DIY store. Our store's got a good reputation and the light fixture stores and DIY stores in the area often send customer to us when the customer needs something special or has a difficult/technical question. I'm hoping my knowledge will make easier to get a job of those store if I wanted to.

Wow, I'm a bit gobsmacked. You're going to live on your own? I mean, yes, with your sister (seriously, though, given everything are you SURE that this is a great idea????? Wasn't she The Night Vacuumer? ), and your parents are going to live on their own? Wowza.

I guess I never thought I'd see it. Obviously, of course, it would happen at some time, but I guess I thought your parents would hang on to the store for another decade, at least. (Crap, everybody but me is retiring!)

Hitch

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by Hitch

YES, by the way, I meant to say, well done! It's about time. Hell, I find that we all do that--it's easy to get lazy, when things go wrong, health-wise. I've had to kick my own ass about exercising, after some brouhaha here. Sheesh.

I've often said, forget all the lectures, classes, teachers, yadda, about male and female "roles." If women really want to raise liberated sons, then teach them to clean the damn toilets. Seriously--teach them to clean up after themselves, scrub a toilet. Their future better halves--women or men--will thank you for it and being the one who cleans a toilet has a way of keeping people from getting airs, no matter WHAT. They don't, as my Grandmother used to say "get above themselves." :-)

Besides cycling on the stationary bike (almost) every day, he now takes (almost) daily walks. Very short walks still (200-300m), but he's doing it. I'm hoping he'll soon get the letter telling him when to start with the heart rehab program; he'll get group physical therapy once or twice a week, so then he has to improve.

My mother perpetuated his untidy behaviour by cleaning up after him. His desk is next to the dinning room table; his desk chair is between his desk and the table and he has the tendency to dump everything on the table. So there are usually dirty dishes, packaging, mail, food, etc on that table. And I refuse to tidy that up (also, I do not tidy up his desk). He usually takes care of the dishes and food, occasionally he throws away the trash, but other things still accumulate. Until either my mother or my sister are fed up with it and tidy it up.

Originally Posted by Hitch

Your aunt seriously needs a good kick in the ass. No offense, Rumple.

None taken, but I'll first let my father try before going at it myself. I know Drama will ensue when I have to, but so be it.

[QUOTE=Hitch;4225965]
Wow, I'm a bit gobsmacked. You're going to live on your own? I mean, yes, with your sister (seriously, though, given everything are you SURE that this is a great idea????? Wasn't she The Night Vacuumer? ), and your parents are going to live on their own? Wowza.
[QUOTE]

Yes!
I could have chosen to move with my parents, but it long overdue that I'm on my own and they have to take care of themselves. Without the responsibility of the store that will be easier.

Living in an apartment block with not so great soundproofing my sister has learned to be mindful of others. Also, she has a cleaner (yay!) who does most of the bigger cleaning jobs every two weeks. When it's the two of us it'll be easy to do the weekly cleaning of the 65 square meter apartment together.

Originally Posted by Hitch

I guess I never thought I'd see it. Obviously, of course, it would happen at some time, but I guess I thought your parents would hang on to the store for another decade, at least. (Crap, everybody but me is retiring!)

Hitch

My father always said he wanted to keep the store open until he was at least 70, when he now is.

Another factor is that Covid made things more difficult due to supply chain problems and customers' behaviour. Also in 2019 our most important supplier stopped. We can get the items they sold from other suppliers, but there isn't one that has everything. The supplier that stopped delivered twice a week, my father didn't have to order online but email them a list before 7am on those days and it was delivered between 10am and noon. My father is not good at ordering online (he uses to specific search terms), plus the supplier who has most of what the old one had has the worst webshop ever (that's a whole other rant).

Having had some problems of getting around himself he has finally realized that our house isn't practical for my mother. He always had problems putting himself in someone else's shoes. He has no problem with the stairs in our house, so why should my mother, who has trouble walking, have difficulty going up and down the steep and narrow staircases, which steps are also very short (not deep). Having experienced that himself he now realizes an apartment on one floor is much more practical.

It seems that a lot of independent businesses are closing at the moment. The haberdashery across the canal from us closed two months ago. The nearby yarn store is also going to close in the near future, the little British and American food store is closing at the end of June. The owner of the cafe next door, my father's best friend growing up, is also considering closing. Most of them close because of their age, sometimes combined with health issues, and they haven't got someone who wants to take over.

Even in the state the building's in my parents can fetch a tidy sum for it, they can buy a nice apartment from that and live of the remainder of the money and their savings.

[DNSB]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

Having had some problems of getting around himself he has finally realized that our house isn't practical for my mother. He always had problems putting himself in someone else's shoes. He has no problem with the stairs in our house, so why should my mother, who has trouble walking, have difficulty going up and down the steep and narrow staircases, which steps are also very short (not deep). Having experienced that himself he now realizes an apartment on one floor is much more practical.

One of my co-workers parents finally downsized. They are both 85 years old and have had mobility issues for over a decade but it took most of that decade to convince them to sell their home and move into a single floor condo apartment. Most of the comments now are "we should have done this years ago".

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

It seems that a lot of independent businesses are closing at the moment. The haberdashery across the canal from us closed two months ago. The nearby yarn store is also going to close in the near future, the little British and American food store is closing at the end of June. The owner of the cafe next door, my father's best friend growing up, is also considering closing. Most of them close because of their age, sometimes combined with health issues, and they haven't got someone who wants to take over.

A very common situation around here as well. In many small family businesses, by the time the parents are ready to retire and ready to hand over the place of business to their children, most of them have their own careers and are not interested. Even sadder when they are unable to find someone to purchase the business and it ends up shuttering.

[PeterT]

Well I'm now at the one month mark of my vision challenges. Still all I can detect with the right eye is a flicker of my hand moving if I gold it close to the eye.

The medical team is pleased with the recovery but warn me the issue now is "debris" left in the eye from the infection which is blocking the retina. I'm told to be patient Surgery has been mentioned a few times by some of the team, but the main Retinal specialist would rather wait. Surgery would be to drain the fluid from the eye and replace it! YIKES!

Another followup this week (I seem to be known now by a lot of the office staff at the clinic, and also by many of the technicians and Drs I deal with).

[CRussel]

I sincerely hope you can avoid the surgery, Peter. Having just been through retinal surgery, it's a bit scary. (OK, a LOT scary!) So far, mine looks to be going well, but I'm only 3+ weeks post surgery, so it's still way too early to know what the final result will be. But it's promising.

[PeterT]

Oh well. Surgery scheduled for next Tuesday! Vitrectomy (replacement of the gel in the eye).

I was quite surprised as to how quickly the surgeon could schedule me for it.

Sent from my Pixel 4a using Tapatalk

[issybird]

Originally Posted by PeterT

Oh well. Surgery scheduled for next Tuesday! Vitrectomy (replacement of the gel in the eye).

Great that it’ll be over so soon. FWIW, I’ve had three vitrectomies (same eye). It was a long haul, but the vision in the eye now is excellent, better than in the other eye. The surgery itself isn’t a big deal. Good luck!

[PeterT]

That's good to hear. The right eye (the one having issues) has always been my stronger eye; the left eye was called "a lazy eye" as a child.

Both eyes have had cataract surgery, and both are undergoing treatment for Diabetic Macular Edema (although treatment for the left eye is on hold, until the right has recovered).

Sent from my Pixel 4a using Tapatalk

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by PeterT

Oh well. Surgery scheduled for next Tuesday! Vitrectomy (replacement of the gel in the eye).

I was quite surprised as to how quickly the surgeon could schedule me for it.

Sent from my Pixel 4a using Tapatalk

I'm glad that they were able to do the surgery so quickly. Hopefully this will help.

[Rumpelteazer]

Today 900 years ago Utrecht became a city. And until October this will be celebrated. Today a lot of events are taking place and the day will be closed by local band Kensington playing accompanied by the bells of the Dom Tower between 8.45 and 10pm tonight.

As a warm up to this show there will be various dance performance in the squares nearby the Dom Tower. Including around the corner from me. I'm not sure when the three way cross roads around the corner became a square (it isn't). It'll start at 4.30pm.

I don't mind the performance, but it would have been nice to know, I just read it on a news website this morning. But I can't find any details. I assume some time between 3 and 4 the roads will be closed off. In these cases the council should inform the businesses and people living the area about this. But more and more they "forget" to do this. What if my mother had to go to an appointment? She can just about make it to a car if it's parked in front of our house (we have a permit to drive in the pedestrian area)?

It would also be nice to be able to inform our customers about any road closures. Which I still can't do because I can't find any information.

[Martinoptic]

Originally Posted by PeterT

Oh well. Surgery scheduled for next Tuesday! Vitrectomy (replacement of the gel in the eye).

All the best Peter. At least you haven’t long to wait.