Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 767

DNSB · 08-18-2021, 10:37 PM

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a hamster sitting next to him.
"Are you a hamster?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The hamster replied, "Well, I liked the book."

drjd · 08-21-2021, 06:41 AM

Speaking English is paradoxical: it often requires one to take a vowel of silence.

drjd · 08-22-2021, 06:16 AM

Prior to turning on the TV to watch a recorded soccer match, I said to my wife, “Don’t tell me the score!”

She replied, “Don't worry, there wasn’t any.”

DNSB · 08-22-2021, 07:29 PM

Did you hear about the professional ice hockey player who switched his profession to become an accountant?

He got an off-ice job.

DNSB · 08-23-2021, 01:34 PM

Why did the Klingon chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:

poohbear_nc · 08-23-2021, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

Why did the Klingon chicken cross the road?

Spoiler:

Freeshadow · 09-01-2021, 05:11 PM

what's the smartest insect?

Spoiler:

DNSB · 09-02-2021, 01:38 AM

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

drjd · 09-02-2021, 05:01 AM

Long ago, my boss used to call me "the computer"...

Nothing to do with intelligence, I went to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

DNSB · 09-04-2021, 12:00 AM

drjd · 09-04-2021, 05:55 AM

They told me, "Follow your dreams..."
So I went back to the couch.

DNSB · 09-05-2021, 01:27 AM

This is a suggested exercise for "seniors" to help build strength and stamina.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10lb potato sacks. Then 50lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

Bookpossum · 09-06-2021, 08:35 PM

That sounds like my sort of exercise!

guanaco · 09-11-2021, 04:36 PM

- Did you read about the ugly brother of Albert Einstein?
- No.
- His name was Frank.

DNSB · 09-12-2021, 01:43 AM

A young woman brought her fiancée home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out more about the young man.

The father invited the fiancée to his study for a little talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.

"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter?”

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us.”

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us.”

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?”

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancée.

The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned; the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?”

The father answered: "He's a Liberal. He has no job; he has no plans. And he thinks I'm God.

08-23-2021, 01:34 PM	#11495
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why did the Klingon chicken cross the road? Spoiler: It was a good day to die. Spoiler: For the honour of all birds.

09-01-2021, 05:11 PM	#11497
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,815 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	what's the smartest insect? Spoiler: The dung beetle. It really knows its shit.

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08-18-2021, 10:37 PM	#11491
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a hamster sitting next to him. "Are you a hamster?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The hamster replied, "Well, I liked the book."

08-21-2021, 06:41 AM	#11492
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Speaking English is paradoxical: it often requires one to take a vowel of silence.

08-22-2021, 06:16 AM	#11493
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Prior to turning on the TV to watch a recorded soccer match, I said to my wife, “Don’t tell me the score!” She replied, “Don't worry, there wasn’t any.”

08-22-2021, 07:29 PM	#11494
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you hear about the professional ice hockey player who switched his profession to become an accountant? He got an off-ice job.

09-02-2021, 01:38 AM	#11498
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

09-02-2021, 05:01 AM	#11499
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Long ago, my boss used to call me "the computer"... Nothing to do with intelligence, I went to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

09-04-2021, 12:00 AM	#11500
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos

09-04-2021, 05:55 AM	#11501
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	They told me, "Follow your dreams..." So I went back to the couch.

09-05-2021, 01:27 AM	#11502
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	This is a suggested exercise for "seniors" to help build strength and stamina. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10lb potato sacks. Then 50lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

09-06-2021, 08:35 PM	#11503
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	That sounds like my sort of exercise!

09-11-2021, 04:36 PM	#11504
guanaco Recovering reader Posts: 226 Karma: 8008008 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: México Device: iPad	- Did you read about the ugly brother of Albert Einstein? - No. - His name was Frank.

09-12-2021, 01:43 AM	#11505
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,972 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A young woman brought her fiancée home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out more about the young man. The father invited the fiancée to his study for a little talk. "So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man. "I am a biblical scholar," he replied. "A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter?” "I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us.” "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us.” "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?” "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancée. The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned; the young idealist insisted that God would provide. Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?” The father answered: "He's a Liberal. He has no job; he has no plans. And he thinks I'm God.