Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 761

drjd · 04-28-2021, 05:44 AM

My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball.

I told her she's way off base!

drjd · 04-29-2021, 06:03 AM

You know you need a different lawyer when during your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

drjd · 05-01-2021, 05:55 AM

A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as 'St. George and the Dragon'. The landlady answered the door.

The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”

"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.

He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”

drjd · 05-03-2021, 05:13 AM

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

DNSB · 05-03-2021, 12:42 PM

Parents with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

drjd · 05-04-2021, 05:32 AM

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

drjd · 05-05-2021, 05:28 AM

Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."

drjd · 05-06-2021, 05:41 AM

“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”

drjd · 05-08-2021, 05:46 AM

Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"

Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"

Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"

Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."

drjd · 05-10-2021, 05:20 AM

What do batteries run on?

drjd · 05-13-2021, 06:47 AM

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

drjd · 05-14-2021, 06:17 AM

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.

When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said "Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."

cromag · 05-15-2021, 01:56 AM

I just got a "C" on my Latin exam! Can't do better than that!

pdurrant · 05-15-2021, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

I just got a "C" on my Latin exam! Can't do better than that!

Oh yes one can! On my 100-question Classical Studies paper, half my answers were marked "X". So my final result was "D"!

drjd · 05-16-2021, 06:30 AM

Two men walk into a bar. The first guy says he wants some H2O.
The second guy says he wants some H2O too.
The second guy died.

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04-28-2021, 05:44 AM	#11401
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball. I told her she's way off base!

04-29-2021, 06:03 AM	#11402
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	You know you need a different lawyer when during your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

05-01-2021, 05:55 AM	#11403
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as 'St. George and the Dragon'. The landlady answered the door. The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” "No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face. He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”

05-03-2021, 05:13 AM	#11404
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject? My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

05-03-2021, 12:42 PM	#11405
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 47,016 Karma: 169810634 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Parents with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

05-04-2021, 05:32 AM	#11406
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

05-05-2021, 05:28 AM	#11407
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Dentist: "You need a crown." Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."

05-06-2021, 05:41 AM	#11408
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.” “No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”

05-08-2021, 05:46 AM	#11409
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?" Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!" Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?" Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."

05-10-2021, 05:20 AM	#11410
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do batteries run on?

05-15-2021, 01:56 AM	#11413
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,469 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	I just got a "C" on my Latin exam! Can't do better than that!

05-13-2021, 06:47 AM	#11411
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

05-14-2021, 06:17 AM	#11412
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass. When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said "Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."

05-16-2021, 06:30 AM	#11415
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Two men walk into a bar. The first guy says he wants some H2O. The second guy says he wants some H2O too. The second guy died.