Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 741

drjd · 08-25-2020, 06:12 AM

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Now don't forget to use wooden spoons."

As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked.

"Because, she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'd go nuts!"

drjd · 08-27-2020, 06:11 AM

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

drjd · 08-28-2020, 06:14 AM

If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.
He’s standing right behind you.

Bookpossum · 08-28-2020, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.
He’s standing right behind you.

So true, especially when the dog in question is a Labrador!

Uncle Robin · 08-28-2020, 10:45 PM

In the "potted book description" thread I offered one that got no bites, probably because it was too easy, but it made me think of a pun that amused me: If the author of that book co-wrote something with his son, would the book's author be listed as Alexandre Dumas pair?

drjd · 08-29-2020, 06:20 AM

I'm so lazy...
I don't even finish my

badgoodDeb · 08-29-2020, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I'm so lazy...
I don't even finish my

.... I'll finish that lunch for you!

Sirtel · 08-29-2020, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Robin

In the "potted book description" thread I offered one that got no bites, probably because it was too easy, but it made me think of a pun that amused me: If the author of that book co-wrote something with his son, would the book's author be listed as Alexandre Dumas pair?

Ahaha, Monte Cristo of course. You made it sound like taking place in modern world. Clever, that.

cromag · 08-30-2020, 03:25 AM

Dad: "I got a new hearing aid today."

Me: "What kind is it?"

Dad: "Two-thirty."

Adoby · 08-30-2020, 06:58 AM

Heard at the audiologist...

- Sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I have found out what the problem is: You have a suppository inserted into your left ear.

(confused silence)

- And the bad news is that I think I know where your hearing aid is.

drjd · 08-31-2020, 05:50 AM

What is it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

drjd · 09-02-2020, 05:29 AM

At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities.

"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."

"That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."

drjd · 09-03-2020, 06:18 AM

Netflix: The latest craze among fishermen.

drjd · 09-05-2020, 07:50 AM

Why do they report power outages on TV?

drjd · 09-06-2020, 05:26 AM

"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?"

"Off course we are..."

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08-25-2020, 06:12 AM	#11101
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Now don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked. "Because, she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'd go nuts!"

08-27-2020, 06:11 AM	#11102
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

08-28-2020, 06:14 AM	#11103
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door. He’s standing right behind you.

08-28-2020, 10:45 PM	#11105
Uncle Robin Diligent dilettante Posts: 3,662 Karma: 52758936 Join Date: Sep 2019 Location: in my mind Device: Kobo Sage; Kobo Libra Colour	In the "potted book description" thread I offered one that got no bites, probably because it was too easy, but it made me think of a pun that amused me: If the author of that book co-wrote something with his son, would the book's author be listed as Alexandre Dumas pair?

08-29-2020, 06:20 AM	#11106
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I'm so lazy... I don't even finish my

08-30-2020, 03:25 AM	#11109
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 26,479 Karma: 459765791 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	Dad: "I got a new hearing aid today." Me: "What kind is it?" Dad: "Two-thirty."

08-30-2020, 06:58 AM	#11110
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	Heard at the audiologist... - Sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I have found out what the problem is: You have a suppository inserted into your left ear. (confused silence) - And the bad news is that I think I know where your hearing aid is.

08-31-2020, 05:50 AM	#11111
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What is it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore? A reptile dysfunction.

09-02-2020, 05:29 AM	#11112
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities. "My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time." "That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."

09-03-2020, 06:18 AM	#11113
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Netflix: The latest craze among fishermen.

09-05-2020, 07:50 AM	#11114
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Why do they report power outages on TV?

09-06-2020, 05:26 AM	#11115
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?" "Off course we are..."