Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 13

Wetdogeared · 03-14-2009, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xianfox

One of the squirrels in my father's neighborhood likes to climb up the inside of his downspouts. Makes a hell of a lot of noise.

And the mutant ninja squirrels went up the spout again....

WDE.

columbus · 03-15-2009, 12:38 PM

An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the
priest, 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of
70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday,
I picked up two college girls hitch-hiking. We went to
a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?"
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

pshrynk · 03-15-2009, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

My house has metal siding, with metal trim on the corners. Squirrels like to climb up the trim. They make an odd clickety clackity sound.

I'm not joking; I saw one do it.

Were they these squirrels?

desertgrandma · 03-17-2009, 08:45 PM

French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so
advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it
in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a
lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him
looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so
advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person,
put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two
weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of
Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the
country is looking for work.'

pilotbob · 03-17-2009, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of
Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the
country is looking for work.'

BOb

desertgrandma · 03-17-2009, 09:12 PM

Oh, piffle.

Wetdogeared · 03-22-2009, 12:00 AM

vivaldirules · 03-22-2009, 08:26 PM

pshwynk has started a "serious" thread in The Llounge.

pshrynk · 03-23-2009, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

pshwynk has started a "serious" thread in The Llounge.

Hey, I'm trying to invoke Hell freezing over so the Reds will go to the Series and the Bengals will go to the Superbowl.

vivaldirules · 03-23-2009, 03:02 PM

But do you realize just how difficult it has been for me to restrain myself??

pshrynk · 03-23-2009, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivaldirules

But do you realize just how difficult it has been for me to restrain myself??

And I appreciate your continued efforts.

UncleDuke · 03-23-2009, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RWood

Sent to me by an old high schooll friend that I have not seen in many years. She wrote:

”Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.”

my g/f of the hour will love this one

if the puppy wants to be restrained i still have my jacket with the long sleves that tie in the back

you've been a great audience, i'll be here all week, remember to tip your waitress

rebarnmom · 03-25-2009, 01:14 PM

Three Ladies in a Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

MickeyC · 03-25-2009, 01:20 PM

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this
Story? ....
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
Always overcome youth and arrogance!
OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!

Over · 03-25-2009, 01:38 PM

Two guys were traveling on foot, when of them says:
- Hay, I'm hungry. Let's stop and eat something.
- Me too, let's go near that tree.
- No, let's sit and eat right here.
- In the middle of the road?!
- Trust me.

They made a pic nic in the middle of the road, when a car appeared at hight speed. When the driver saw those two guys in the middle of the road, he turns the car and crashes agains't the tree.

- See? I was right about not eating under that tree.

03-15-2009, 12:38 PM	#182
columbus Wizard Posts: 999 Karma: 5487540 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In my own imagination. Device: Sony Prs 650, 505	Old Jokes home An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the priest, 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children and grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?" Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

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03-17-2009, 08:45 PM	#184
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462843 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.' A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks. The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.' An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.'

03-17-2009, 09:12 PM	#186
desertgrandma Enjoying the show.... Posts: 14,270 Karma: 10462843 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Arizona Device: A K1, Kindle Paperwhite, an Ipod, IPad2, Iphone, an Ipad Mini & macAir	Oh, piffle.

03-22-2009, 12:00 AM	#187
Wetdogeared Storm Surge'n Posts: 5,781 Karma: 8213195 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Polar Vortex Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1

03-22-2009, 08:26 PM	#188
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	pshwynk has started a "serious" thread in The Llounge.

03-23-2009, 03:02 PM	#190
vivaldirules When's Doughnut Day? Posts: 10,059 Karma: 13675475 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Houston, TX, US Device: Sony PRS-505, iPad	But do you realize just how difficult it has been for me to restrain myself??

03-25-2009, 01:14 PM	#193
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 4525055 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	Three Ladies in a Sauna THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.' THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

03-25-2009, 01:20 PM	#194
MickeyC Grand Sorcerer Posts: 16,731 Karma: 12185114 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Florida Device: iPhone 6 plus, Sony T1, iPad 3	A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?' The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up And I am taking over.' The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.' The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch When he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking And running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit...... Third gay rooster I bought this month.' Moral of this Story? .... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery Always overcome youth and arrogance! OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!

03-25-2009, 01:38 PM	#195
Over Wizard Posts: 1,462 Karma: 6061516 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cascais, Portugal Device: Kindle PW, Samsung Galaxy Note Pro 12.2", OnePlus 6	Two guys were traveling on foot, when of them says: - Hay, I'm hungry. Let's stop and eat something. - Me too, let's go near that tree. - No, let's sit and eat right here. - In the middle of the road?! - Trust me. They made a pic nic in the middle of the road, when a car appeared at hight speed. When the driver saw those two guys in the middle of the road, he turns the car and crashes agains't the tree. - See? I was right about not eating under that tree.