Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 718

Adoby · 12-13-2019, 12:21 PM

The Heisenberg story reminded me of this one:

One evening Pavlov was in the pub. He sat at the table with his work mates, talking and drinking. Someone gave a tip and a bell was rung.

Pavlov stood straight up at once, looked around the room, and exclaimed, "Oh, shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

Adoby · 12-13-2019, 12:30 PM

... and then we have this old classic:

drjd · 12-15-2019, 06:07 AM

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

doubleshuffle · 12-15-2019, 06:50 AM

*red groan alert*

Which country was ruled by napkins?

Spoiler:

BookCat · 12-15-2019, 11:26 AM

Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

Spoiler:

drjd · 12-16-2019, 01:26 PM

My doctor was giving me a hard time about my health. To get back on his good side I bought a puppy and named him 'Five Miles'.

That way, when I went to see my doctor I could tell him, "I walk five miles every morning!"

crich70 · 12-16-2019, 03:59 PM

Some time before he died at 100 yrs of age George Burns was once asked if it was true he still smoked a cigar every day. He said it was true. Then the person asked him if it was true that he still had a drink every day. He admitted it was true. Then the person asked him, "what does your Dr. think of that,Mr. Burns?"

Spoiler:

drjd · 12-17-2019, 02:41 PM

I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.

I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

drjd · 12-19-2019, 04:57 AM

Artist: "This is my very latest painting. I call it 'Builders at Work'... it's very realistic."

Friend: "But they really aren't at work."

Artist: "Of course, that's the realism."

Tomk2 · 12-19-2019, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

But humor is lost for most any joke, if you have to explain it!

So true! Niels found it quite Bohring.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

drjd · 12-20-2019, 01:26 PM

Did you hear about the lost sausage? It was the missing link.

drjd · 12-21-2019, 06:00 AM

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?

A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

drjd · 12-23-2019, 02:28 PM

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

drjd · 12-24-2019, 01:58 PM

Baby puns are childish, but great puns are full groan.

crich70 · 12-24-2019, 09:42 PM

12-15-2019, 06:50 AM	#10759
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	red groan alert Which country was ruled by napkins? Spoiler: The Serviette Union

12-15-2019, 11:26 AM	#10760
BookCat C L J Posts: 2,911 Karma: 21115458 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Birmingham UK Device: Sony e-reader 505, Kindle PW2, Kindle PW3, Kobo Libra2	Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Spoiler: That way, when you criticise them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

12-16-2019, 03:59 PM	#10762
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	Some time before he died at 100 yrs of age George Burns was once asked if it was true he still smoked a cigar every day. He said it was true. Then the person asked him if it was true that he still had a drink every day. He admitted it was true. Then the person asked him, "what does your Dr. think of that,Mr. Burns?" Spoiler: Mr. Burns replied, "he's dead."

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12-13-2019, 12:21 PM	#10756
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	The Heisenberg story reminded me of this one: One evening Pavlov was in the pub. He sat at the table with his work mates, talking and drinking. Someone gave a tip and a bell was rung. Pavlov stood straight up at once, looked around the room, and exclaimed, "Oh, shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

12-13-2019, 12:30 PM	#10757
Adoby Handy Elephant Posts: 1,737 Karma: 26785684 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern Sweden, far out in the quiet woods Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra	... and then we have this old classic:

12-15-2019, 06:07 AM	#10758
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

12-16-2019, 01:26 PM	#10761
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My doctor was giving me a hard time about my health. To get back on his good side I bought a puppy and named him 'Five Miles'. That way, when I went to see my doctor I could tell him, "I walk five miles every morning!"

12-17-2019, 02:41 PM	#10763
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

12-19-2019, 04:57 AM	#10764
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Artist: "This is my very latest painting. I call it 'Builders at Work'... it's very realistic." Friend: "But they really aren't at work." Artist: "Of course, that's the realism."

12-20-2019, 01:26 PM	#10766
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Did you hear about the lost sausage? It was the missing link.

12-21-2019, 06:00 AM	#10767
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

12-23-2019, 02:28 PM	#10768
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

12-24-2019, 01:58 PM	#10769
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Baby puns are childish, but great puns are full groan.

12-24-2019, 09:42 PM	#10770
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)