Red Redux - The Case Of The Desert Pirates - Page 4

badgoodDeb · 03-07-2009, 05:56 PM

But at least we can relax, knowing VR is here to keep everything alright.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 03-12-2009, 11:18 AM

Well, at least now we know what Ralph's been doing while in San Antone...

Greg Anos · 03-12-2009, 08:57 PM

Gee... Are the Men In Black following me and talking? I'm back and will start writing in the morning....

badgoodDeb · 03-13-2009, 01:55 PM

I thought the Man in Black was down in San Quentin....

Greg Anos · 03-13-2009, 03:05 PM

VR and I walked out into the parking lot. "Alright, VR, what's the problem. You run out of cheap dog food?"
I looked down. "And if you pee on me again, I'll see you caged in a kennel with 50 cats for a week."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Wanna bet?"
VR walked a bit in silence.
"Her Majesty has lost something of great personal value."
"Gentlemen don't talk about such things. Besides, it wasn't me."
"Not that, you dirty-minded redneck! She has lost her special socks."
"Let me get this straight. You want me to drop a live kidnapping case to find a pair of socks? That's steep, even for you, VR."
VR started to growl, then got control of his temper. "These aren't just any socks. They're the Queen's own personal talking socks, Hugo and Lefty."
The things you see when you haven't got your gun....
"Ok, how did they disappear? Did they walk off, get packed in somebodies bag, or win an all-expense paid trip?"
"Red, you're not taking this seriously!"
"D-mned right VR. You haven't mentioned money yet. I'll do kidnapping pro bono, but governments pay full freight. What am I offered?"
"Does than mean you'll get to work on it?"
"No, it means I'll talk about it. The kidnapping has priority. Period. DesertGrandma is a nice person and I'm gonna get her husband back. Then I'll worry about missing socks. If the money's good. If you want me to be workin' in the back of my head along the way, tell me the price, and give me what info you have. I'm not goin' to Pinwheel during Spring Training to rummage around in the Queen's sock drawer without a real good reason."
VR looked like he was gonna have a hissy fit. Served him right, too. Pee on my shoe, will he.
Through clenched teeth, he said "Same terms as last time, Redneck."
"Now that wasn't too hard, VR. Now tell me the skinny on how they disappeared."
"One of these days, I'm going to do more than pee on your shoe."
"One of these days you'll realize I don't work for you, and you'll treat me like a professional. Then we'll be past these puppy dominance games. Now tell."
"We know they went to America. We don't know how. They left a note saying they were going to see the West and drop by and see you, as well. They said they had a pen pal here that would show them around."
"Any leads on the Pen Pal?"
"We think it was a regular on the MobileRead web site. They liked to hang out there occasionally. But exactly who, we don't know."
"Ok. Let me do some cross-checking in my spare time until this kidnapping gets resolved. Then I'll give full priority. If the Queen has a problem with this, she can call me direct and complain. She had my number."
VR looked nonplussed. "If she has your number, why did she put me on the case?"
" 'Cause you're a good dog, and you want to serve Her Majesty. She respects that and wanted you to have an opportunity to serve Her. Now I gotta get, and go get some more answer out of DG. See ya later."
I got in my car and left for DesertGrandma's.
Men In Black, talking dogs and socks, grannies with shotguns...Sam Spade would need a new pair of drawers by now and three pints of bourbon. I wonder what DG has in the liquor cabinet. Hmm....

pshrynk · 03-13-2009, 03:13 PM

Hugo and Lefty and Red! My day is complete!

zelda_pinwheel · 03-13-2009, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Hugo and Lefty and Red! My day is complete!

i feel the same way !!!

(please find them red !! i never thought i would say this, what with all the shums around, but... it's awfully quiet with them gone.

)

Greg Anos · 03-13-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

i feel the same way !!!

(please find them red !! i never thought i would say this, what with all the shums around, but... it's awfully quiet with them gone.

)

I told you to wait until you saw why VR was there, didn't I.......

zelda_pinwheel · 03-13-2009, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

I told you to wait until you saw why VR was there, didn't I.......

well, with you and him both on the case, i know hugo and lefty will be found soon.

pshrynk · 03-13-2009, 03:27 PM

You know, the producers for H & V would really like to know wehre they got off to, also...

Greg Anos · 03-13-2009, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pshrynk

You know, the producers for H & V would really like to know wehre they got off to, also...

Patience....there's a lot of story to go.....

Will Hugo and Lefty be found? Can Red convince the Men In Black to let DesertGrandma's husband go? Can the renegade Steve Jordan t-shirt business be shut down? Will Red get paid?

For the answers to these and other burning questions, read the NEXT episode in The Case Of the Desert Pirates, coming soon to a post near you...

Patricia · 03-13-2009, 06:04 PM

A missing desertgranda! And two socks!!
The suspense is just too much.

Do plant those roses quickly, RSE. And stop dallying with Lady Blue for a bit. We want to know what happens...

GeoffC · 03-14-2009, 12:10 PM

"I wonder what DG has in the liquor cabinet. Hmm.... "

A loaded shotgun,
an alternative universe
a broomstick,
a nekid pizza delivery boy,
a cobra .... ???????

the choices are endless ....

Greg Anos · 03-14-2009, 12:31 PM

I pulled into DG's driveway. I walked over and knocked on the the door.
"Who's there?"
"Red."
"Come on in."
I let myself in and sat down.
"What happened? The game must still be going on."
"I was there for business. As soon as I go the info, I came back like I said I would. Now DesertGrandma, I need to ask you some questions about the kidnapping."
"Sure, Red."
"I'm trying to figger out why the neuralizer didn't work on you and your husband. Could you tell me anything you and your husband both consumed the 24 hours before you saw the Gila Monster?"
"Yes, but why something we consumed?"
"Well, if you're both naturally immune, There's nothing for me to bargain with the MIB. Y'all don't wear contacts, do ya'll?"
"No."
"Their gizmo works with the eyes, so it would have to be something that affect the vision center of the brain or the eyes themselves. Something like glacoma drops or something like that."
"Neither my husband or I use any sort of eyedrops or take medicine for eye problems."
"I figgered that. So that leaves me only consumables."
"Let's see. We had chalupas for supper, and a Dos XX each. Breakfast was sausage and eggs, with coffee. Lunch was baked chicken with a salad, with an orange and a soda. Then about a half hour before I saw the Gila Monster, we had started sipping a high-powered drink from Australia."
"Australia?"
"Yep. You can't buy it in the U.S., but we can buy it in Nogales and pay a duty on it to bring it across the border. Expensive stuff."
"What's it called?"
"Zany Carter Deluxe. Let me get the bottle."
She brought back a 375 ml bottle, mostly full. They couldn't have drunk more that a shot glass full each from the bottle. I read the fine print on the label. Montsnmag Beverages PTY. Was there anything in Austraila that Montsnmags didn't have a finger into?
"Was that all?"
"Yes, Red. Did this help?"
"I hope so. You said this was expensive. Do you have another bottle we could put most of it in so I can take the bottle, with a little left in it, with me? It'll help."
"If it'll get my husband back, take the whole bottle."
"A little will do, as long as I can take the bottle."
"I'll go get another bottle."
DesertGrandma went to the kitchen and brought back a 750 ml bottle. I pour about 3/4 of the rest of the Zany Carter Deluxe in to the bigger bottle and put the cap back on the original bottle.
" Ma'am, I've got to go now. I can't make any promises, but I'm on course to try to get something done. Try not to shoot anybody until I get back. I''m not trying to get you likkered up, but you might sip a little Zany Carter along the way. I suspect that it was what made you immune to the Neuralizer. If those MIB boys come back, just pretend the neuralizer works. That way we can keep tabs on 'em if they start botherin' you."
"Yes, Red. You mean I can't shoot them?"
"No, that'll bother the neighbors. And it's awful messy to clean up after a shotgun. I may be a while before I get back, so don't worry. I'll be back as soon as I can."
I stashed the ZCD in the car and headed over to the science-fiction convention.

Greg Anos · 03-14-2009, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeoffC

"I wonder what DG has in the liquor cabinet. Hmm.... "

A loaded shotgun,
an alternative universe
a broomstick,
a nekid pizza delivery boy,
a cobra .... ???????

the choices are endless ....

My lawyer has the cobra, not DesertGrandma......

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03-07-2009, 05:56 PM	#46
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,550 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	But at least we can relax, knowing VR is here to keep everything alright.

03-12-2009, 11:18 AM	#47
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Well, at least now we know what Ralph's been doing while in San Antone...

03-12-2009, 08:57 PM	#48
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,528 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	Gee... Are the Men In Black following me and talking? I'm back and will start writing in the morning....

03-13-2009, 01:55 PM	#49
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,550 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	I thought the Man in Black was down in San Quentin....

03-13-2009, 03:05 PM	#50
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,528 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	VR and I walked out into the parking lot. "Alright, VR, what's the problem. You run out of cheap dog food?" I looked down. "And if you pee on me again, I'll see you caged in a kennel with 50 cats for a week." "You wouldn't dare!" "Wanna bet?" VR walked a bit in silence. "Her Majesty has lost something of great personal value." "Gentlemen don't talk about such things. Besides, it wasn't me." "Not that, you dirty-minded redneck! She has lost her special socks." "Let me get this straight. You want me to drop a live kidnapping case to find a pair of socks? That's steep, even for you, VR." VR started to growl, then got control of his temper. "These aren't just any socks. They're the Queen's own personal talking socks, Hugo and Lefty." The things you see when you haven't got your gun.... "Ok, how did they disappear? Did they walk off, get packed in somebodies bag, or win an all-expense paid trip?" "Red, you're not taking this seriously!" "D-mned right VR. You haven't mentioned money yet. I'll do kidnapping pro bono, but governments pay full freight. What am I offered?" "Does than mean you'll get to work on it?" "No, it means I'll talk about it. The kidnapping has priority. Period. DesertGrandma is a nice person and I'm gonna get her husband back. Then I'll worry about missing socks. If the money's good. If you want me to be workin' in the back of my head along the way, tell me the price, and give me what info you have. I'm not goin' to Pinwheel during Spring Training to rummage around in the Queen's sock drawer without a real good reason." VR looked like he was gonna have a hissy fit. Served him right, too. Pee on my shoe, will he. Through clenched teeth, he said "Same terms as last time, Redneck." "Now that wasn't too hard, VR. Now tell me the skinny on how they disappeared." "One of these days, I'm going to do more than pee on your shoe." "One of these days you'll realize I don't work for you, and you'll treat me like a professional. Then we'll be past these puppy dominance games. Now tell." "We know they went to America. We don't know how. They left a note saying they were going to see the West and drop by and see you, as well. They said they had a pen pal here that would show them around." "Any leads on the Pen Pal?" "We think it was a regular on the MobileRead web site. They liked to hang out there occasionally. But exactly who, we don't know." "Ok. Let me do some cross-checking in my spare time until this kidnapping gets resolved. Then I'll give full priority. If the Queen has a problem with this, she can call me direct and complain. She had my number." VR looked nonplussed. "If she has your number, why did she put me on the case?" " 'Cause you're a good dog, and you want to serve Her Majesty. She respects that and wanted you to have an opportunity to serve Her. Now I gotta get, and go get some more answer out of DG. See ya later." I got in my car and left for DesertGrandma's. Men In Black, talking dogs and socks, grannies with shotguns...Sam Spade would need a new pair of drawers by now and three pints of bourbon. I wonder what DG has in the liquor cabinet. Hmm....

03-13-2009, 03:13 PM	#51
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	Hugo and Lefty and Red! My day is complete!

03-13-2009, 03:27 PM	#55
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	You know, the producers for H & V would really like to know wehre they got off to, also...

03-13-2009, 06:04 PM	#57
Patricia Reader Posts: 11,504 Karma: 8720163 Join Date: May 2007 Location: South Wales, UK Device: Sony PRS-500, PRS-505, Asus EEEpc 4G	A missing desertgranda! And two socks!! The suspense is just too much. Do plant those roses quickly, RSE. And stop dallying with Lady Blue for a bit. We want to know what happens...

03-14-2009, 12:10 PM	#58
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	"I wonder what DG has in the liquor cabinet. Hmm.... " A loaded shotgun, an alternative universe a broomstick, a nekid pizza delivery boy, a cobra .... ??????? the choices are endless ....

03-14-2009, 12:31 PM	#59
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,528 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	I pulled into DG's driveway. I walked over and knocked on the the door. "Who's there?" "Red." "Come on in." I let myself in and sat down. "What happened? The game must still be going on." "I was there for business. As soon as I go the info, I came back like I said I would. Now DesertGrandma, I need to ask you some questions about the kidnapping." "Sure, Red." "I'm trying to figger out why the neuralizer didn't work on you and your husband. Could you tell me anything you and your husband both consumed the 24 hours before you saw the Gila Monster?" "Yes, but why something we consumed?" "Well, if you're both naturally immune, There's nothing for me to bargain with the MIB. Y'all don't wear contacts, do ya'll?" "No." "Their gizmo works with the eyes, so it would have to be something that affect the vision center of the brain or the eyes themselves. Something like glacoma drops or something like that." "Neither my husband or I use any sort of eyedrops or take medicine for eye problems." "I figgered that. So that leaves me only consumables." "Let's see. We had chalupas for supper, and a Dos XX each. Breakfast was sausage and eggs, with coffee. Lunch was baked chicken with a salad, with an orange and a soda. Then about a half hour before I saw the Gila Monster, we had started sipping a high-powered drink from Australia." "Australia?" "Yep. You can't buy it in the U.S., but we can buy it in Nogales and pay a duty on it to bring it across the border. Expensive stuff." "What's it called?" "Zany Carter Deluxe. Let me get the bottle." She brought back a 375 ml bottle, mostly full. They couldn't have drunk more that a shot glass full each from the bottle. I read the fine print on the label. Montsnmag Beverages PTY. Was there anything in Austraila that Montsnmags didn't have a finger into? "Was that all?" "Yes, Red. Did this help?" "I hope so. You said this was expensive. Do you have another bottle we could put most of it in so I can take the bottle, with a little left in it, with me? It'll help." "If it'll get my husband back, take the whole bottle." "A little will do, as long as I can take the bottle." "I'll go get another bottle." DesertGrandma went to the kitchen and brought back a 750 ml bottle. I pour about 3/4 of the rest of the Zany Carter Deluxe in to the bigger bottle and put the cap back on the original bottle. " Ma'am, I've got to go now. I can't make any promises, but I'm on course to try to get something done. Try not to shoot anybody until I get back. I''m not trying to get you likkered up, but you might sip a little Zany Carter along the way. I suspect that it was what made you immune to the Neuralizer. If those MIB boys come back, just pretend the neuralizer works. That way we can keep tabs on 'em if they start botherin' you." "Yes, Red. You mean I can't shoot them?" "No, that'll bother the neighbors. And it's awful messy to clean up after a shotgun. I may be a while before I get back, so don't worry. I'll be back as soon as I can." I stashed the ZCD in the car and headed over to the science-fiction convention.