Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 711

Bilbo1967 · 10-31-2019, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Alternatively, have you ever walked home when drunk and seem to have got back really quickly? We call that phenomenon the "beer scooter".

drjd · 11-01-2019, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Alternatively, have you ever walked home when drunk and seem to have got back really quickly? We call that phenomenon the "beer scooter".

drjd · 11-01-2019, 05:02 PM

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Bookpossum · 11-01-2019, 06:37 PM

Love it!

Sirtel · 11-02-2019, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Well, perhaps women would love those things in men too, if men were small and covered in soft fur. And purred. And didn't care one whit about how a woman looks.

yvanleterrible · 11-02-2019, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirtel

Well, perhaps women would love those things in men too, if men were small and covered in soft fur. And purred. And didn't care one whit about how a woman looks.

Hey, I’m covered with fur... doesn’t work though...

doubleshuffle · 11-03-2019, 03:13 AM

But how soft is your fur if you're honest? And what about the purring?

Sirtel · 11-03-2019, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doubleshuffle

But how soft is your fur if you're honest? And what about the purring?

And snoring doesn't count as purring.

yvanleterrible · 11-03-2019, 08:08 AM

She does call me “Minou”...

(kitten in French slang)

drjd · 11-04-2019, 04:53 PM

If you nickel and dime your customers you are unlikely to make a mint, but they may coin a phrase or two about your business sense.

drjd · 11-05-2019, 04:07 PM

If I were to write my autobiography in ancient Norse letters, my life would be runed.

drjd · 11-06-2019, 03:41 PM

To help me lose weight, my doctor recommends a glutton-free diet.

doubleshuffle · 11-06-2019, 05:41 PM

Good doctor. I know from experience that eating gluttons makes one put on weight terribly fast, what with all the fat. But they do taste so much better than those skinny beanstalks...

Bilbo1967 · 11-07-2019, 10:07 AM

Personally, I can't eat fat people or those without podiatric digits.

I'm both glutton and lack toes intolerant.

Spoiler:

issybird · 11-07-2019, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doubleshuffle

Good doctor. I know from experience that eating gluttons makes one put on weight terribly fast, what with all the fat. But they do taste so much better than those skinny beanstalks...

You're mistaken. Gluttons are much more keto friendly. The skinny need to be buttered if you want to go into ketosis.

11-07-2019, 10:07 AM	#10664
Bilbo1967 Not scared! Posts: 13,424 Karma: 81011643 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midlands, UK Device: Kindle Paperwhite 10, Huawei M5 10	Personally, I can't eat fat people or those without podiatric digits. I'm both glutton and lack toes intolerant. Spoiler: I'll get my coat!

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11-01-2019, 05:02 PM	#10653
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

11-01-2019, 06:37 PM	#10654
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Love it!

11-03-2019, 03:13 AM	#10657
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	But how soft is your fur if you're honest? And what about the purring?

11-03-2019, 08:08 AM	#10659
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	She does call me “Minou”... (kitten in French slang)

11-04-2019, 04:53 PM	#10660
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If you nickel and dime your customers you are unlikely to make a mint, but they may coin a phrase or two about your business sense.

11-05-2019, 04:07 PM	#10661
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If I were to write my autobiography in ancient Norse letters, my life would be runed.

11-06-2019, 03:41 PM	#10662
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	To help me lose weight, my doctor recommends a glutton-free diet.

11-06-2019, 05:41 PM	#10663
doubleshuffle Unicycle Daredevil Posts: 13,944 Karma: 185432100 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Planet of the Pudding Brains Device: Aura HD (R.I.P. After six years the USB socket died.) tolino shine 3	Good doctor. I know from experience that eating gluttons makes one put on weight terribly fast, what with all the fat. But they do taste so much better than those skinny beanstalks...