Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 706

drjd · 08-20-2019, 09:26 AM

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

drjd · 08-21-2019, 08:36 AM

Doris dreamed she would marry one day. She indeed did and became Doris Day.

Bilbo1967 · 08-21-2019, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Doris dreamed she would marry one day. She indeed did and became Doris Day.

Was the guy she married Spanish?

Spoiler:

drjd · 08-22-2019, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Was the guy she married Spanish?

Spoiler:

drjd · 08-22-2019, 09:03 AM

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

drjd · 08-23-2019, 07:30 AM

Groups of eels that value being friendly with one another are social morays.

drjd · 08-24-2019, 09:02 AM

A blonde lady in the pet shop asks about buying a gold fish.

The salesperson asks if she needed an aquarium.

Her reply, 'I don't care what sign it is.'

drjd · 08-25-2019, 09:33 AM

What do you say to comfort an English teacher?

They’re, there, their.

drjd · 08-26-2019, 07:44 AM

A whirligig is a rock band playing in a helicopter.

drjd · 08-30-2019, 07:48 AM

One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"

"Yeah, we got robbed last night."

drjd · 08-31-2019, 09:45 AM

Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time", a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."

drjd · 09-01-2019, 07:49 AM

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to represent a long-term client. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney emailed the firm: "Justice prevailed."

The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately!"

drjd · 09-02-2019, 04:12 PM

Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing?

He was just checking his balance.

drjd · 09-03-2019, 08:05 AM

A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had.

"Sixteen," he replied.

The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"

The man replied, "Not if I can help it."

yvanleterrible · 09-03-2019, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time", a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."

Up here in Canada that would be:
A northern fairytale begins by: "Once upon a time, Eh! "

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08-20-2019, 09:26 AM	#10576
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

08-21-2019, 08:36 AM	#10577
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Doris dreamed she would marry one day. She indeed did and became Doris Day.

08-22-2019, 09:03 AM	#10580
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

08-23-2019, 07:30 AM	#10581
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Groups of eels that value being friendly with one another are social morays.

08-24-2019, 09:02 AM	#10582
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A blonde lady in the pet shop asks about buying a gold fish. The salesperson asks if she needed an aquarium. Her reply, 'I don't care what sign it is.'

08-25-2019, 09:33 AM	#10583
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What do you say to comfort an English teacher? They’re, there, their.

08-26-2019, 07:44 AM	#10584
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A whirligig is a rock band playing in a helicopter.

08-30-2019, 07:48 AM	#10585
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?" "Yeah, we got robbed last night."

08-31-2019, 09:45 AM	#10586
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time", a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."

09-01-2019, 07:49 AM	#10587
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A junior partner in a law firm was sent to represent a long-term client. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney emailed the firm: "Justice prevailed." The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately!"

09-02-2019, 04:12 PM	#10588
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing? He was just checking his balance.

09-03-2019, 08:05 AM	#10589
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had. "Sixteen," he replied. The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?" The man replied, "Not if I can help it."